Falling Slowly
by WhoMe-2
Summary: Temporarily separated from the TARDIS, the Doctor and Rose must adjust to living life on Earth while struggling with their feelings for each other, which are becoming much harder to ignore. Pre-Doomsday, and eventually AU after Doomsday. **1st in the Falling Slowly series**
1. Chapter 1

***Note* To be cautious, this story is rated 'M' for chapters 25 & 26, but those chapters are the edited versions and are not sexually explicit.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I still don't own Doctor Who. All rights belong to the BBC.**

**I've had this story bouncing around in my head for quite some time, so I finally decide to write this out. This takes place after "Fear Her" but before "Doomsday." In other words, my own little pocket of time. This story will eventually reach the point of "Doomsday," but I won't be taking the same route as RTD. ;)**

**Reviews are my inspiration to keep writing, so please let me know if you're reading and enjoying! :)**

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><p>Rose sat on a bench beside a busy street corner amidst the hustle and bustle of crowds going past and traffic whizzing along in the street and was struck by how the people around her were simply going about their normal lives, while everything in her life had just been turned on its head. As she sat there on this seemingly average day, Rose's mind replayed how she and the Doctor had ended up at this point.<p>

It began as just another ordinary day. Well, ordinary as far as things go for her and the Doctor, anyway. Just another alien threatening the safety of Earth – London, specifically. _Why is it always London_, Rose thought to herself wryly. In other words, just the usual. It was nothing the Doctor couldn't handle with her aptly alongside him. The hostile alien (the name of which Rose still couldn't get her tongue around the pronunciation of, so she'd given up trying) had thankfully been acting alone and was skillfully outwitted by the Doctor, faced down with those three mighty words: _It Is Defended_.

As always, the Doctor had given a choice: leave this planet in peace or face the consequences. The creature, now cowering in fear, had wisely chosen the former; but apparently didn't trust that the Oncoming Storm would not hunt it down after it left, so it made sure to put a safe distance between them. Just before departing, it suddenly fired a concealed weapon at the Doctor and Rose, hitting them with a temporal displacement wave.

That was the moment everything changed. The blinding light struck them both and sent them hurtling to the ground.

Slowly recovering from the unexpected blast, Rose opened her bleary eyes as she raised her head from the ground and saw the Doctor coming to kneel beside her.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he offered Rose his hand and she sat up, rubbing her palm to her forehead trying to clear away the feeling of disorientation.

"Yeah, I think so," she rasped, as the Doctor gave her a quick scan with the sonic just to be certain.

She blinked several times and looked around at the same alleyway they had been standing in just moments ago, only now the creature was gone. With her hand still in his, she stood. Rose released the Doctor's hand and brushed the dirt from her jeans. "What was that?" she questioned, still feeling a bit dazed.

"Temporal blaster," the Doctor replied dismally. "I should have seen it coming," he shook his head and berated himself.

Rose was about to question further when she noticed the alley where they stood was now noticeably missing something rather important that had been there just moments before.

"The TARDIS is…is gone," she said, concern beginning to bubble to the surface. Rose turned her head left and right looking for the blue box that was no longer there. "What did it do to the TARDIS?"

The Doctor swallowed hard, his eyes troubled. "The TARDIS is still right where we left it, but we're no longer in the same place…or rather, the same _time_," he explained.

Rose shook her head slowly, hoping this didn't mean what she feared. "What'd you mean?"

The Doctor took a deep breath and released it with a heavy sigh. "The temporal displacement wave locked onto us and carried us backwards in time."

Rose's eyes darted around the alley, then she took a few quick steps to the end and peered out at the adjoining sidewalk with people milling by. She turned and walked back over to the Doctor. "But…everything still looks the same – except for the TARDIS not being here. So we couldn't have gone too far, yeah?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, his Time Lord senses making rapid calculations. He slowly opened them again and focused back on her. "About four months, I'd say."

He turned and walked back out of the alley and onto the sidewalk, with Rose following behind him. The Doctor approached a newsstand and picked up a paper to examine the date. "Good to know the blast didn't throw-off my time sense." He turned the paper towards her. "Four months to the day," he confirmed, though not feeling in the mood to gloat about his precision.

Rose looked at the date, then back up at him. "Okay, well…that's not too bad. It could have been worse. At least we didn't end up in the Dark Ages," she said, sounding a bit more relieved and giving a half-smile. "So, how do we get back to the TARDIS?" Rose asked, her voice hopeful. The Doctor always seemed to have an answer for everything, and she was sure now was no different.

Her confidence began to quickly fade, however, when she saw the look in his eyes. "There's only one way to get back," the Doctor replied grimly. "Wait for time to take us there."

Realization began to dawn on her. "So…we'll have to wait four months to get back to the TARDIS? Back to the day we just left?" He nodded somberly.

Rose began to process the implications of this. They would be stuck on Earth for the next four months. Okay, it might not make for the most adventurous time of their lives, but they'd manage. The situation could certainly be worse, she thought to herself. At least she was home and in her own time period (more or less) and not stranded on some strange, distant planet.

"Well," Rose began, trying to sound cheerful, "we'll just have to make the best of it." She then grinned. "You'll have to learn to get along with my mum if she's gonna take you in and let you sleep on her couch for the next four months," she teased as she poked him in the chest.

The Doctor, however, didn't return her smile or good humor. His regretful expression was one that usually accompanied the phrase, '_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry_.'

"Rose," he began, his voice apologetic, "we can't go to your mum. You can't see her, I'm sorry."

Rose knit her brows together in confusion. "Why?"

The Doctor heaved a sigh as he raked a hand through his hair. "The Jackie that's here now is part of our past timeline. We can't go back on that," he said firmly. "It's dangerous just being here. We've already crossed in and out of this timeline, and we're going to have to be extremely careful not to cross paths with our past selves. Normally, the TARDIS prevents such things from happening. But being that it's just us and no TARDIS, we're going to have to ensure we stay away from anywhere we have been previously."

Rose's thoughts began racing ahead with the ramifications of his words. She studied his face and could see the distress, barely contained within his own eyes. Rose slowly shook her head as the reality of the situation began to sink in. "Then…what are we gonna do? Where will we go? We don't even have a place to stay." She was feeling more alarmed by the second.

The Doctor placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes as he spoke, trying to impart a sense of calm. "Rose, look at me," he said steadily. "We'll be fine. First we'll find a place to stay and then we'll take it from there."

"For four months?" she asked doubtfully. "Where are we gonna stay for four months? We don't even have any money!" Rose's attention then shifted to his bigger-on-the-inside pockets. "Unless…hold on…do you have money?"

The Doctor frowned and began rummaging through the pockets of his coat. A moment later he held up three small discs. "Three hundred Zeruglian credits," he stated. "Which the exchange rate would be roughly about…ohhh…two million pounds?"

Rose's eyes went wide. "You've got the equivalent of two million pounds?"

He shrugged. "Never gave it much thought. But unfortunately, making a currency exchange would be a bit difficult."

Rose's shoulders slumped. "Right," she said dismally, then began fishing through her own pockets and produced what little money she had on her. "I've got a fiver and two quid. Not exactly enough to live on, then," she said with a sigh.

The Doctor pulled the sonic screwdriver from his pocket and held it up. "Getting money shouldn't be too difficult," he assured her.

Rose quickly shook her head. "Doctor, you can't just sonic the nearest cashpoint," she said under her breath so passersby wouldn't hear. "Especially now that you don't have the TARDIS to make a quick getaway."

"It wouldn't really be _stealing_," he reasoned. "More like…payment for services rendered on behalf of the universe. Besides, I only plan on getting enough to get us through the here and now until we can come up with more." Seeing that she still wasn't convinced, he added, "After I have the TARDIS back and can make some exchanges, I'll see what I can do about replacing what I 'borrowed.'"

Reluctantly, Rose had to admit he had a point. This planet most likely wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him. He had saved the Earth more times than she was probably even aware of, so it seemed only reasonable he get a little something in return for once. And at the moment, she didn't know what else they could do. Rose looked around nervously. "Alright, but just…just make it quick, yeah?"

The Doctor grinned with confidence. "Just leave it to me," he said assuredly as Rose went and found a nearby bench to sit and wait for him to do the deed.

-:-

So here Rose sat, trying to let her brain catch up to all that had just taken place while contemplating what exactly they were going to do now. After several minutes, the Doctor rejoined her.

Rose gave him a sidelong, questioning look. "Done?" she asked apprehensively. He simply nodded.

She blew out a long breath and turned to the Doctor. "So…now what?"

The Doctor held her gaze for a moment, his eyes searching, then glanced away. She could tell that whatever he was feeling right now, he was doing his best to keep it locked inside. "We have to leave London, which means we need to decide where we're going to go," he finally replied.

He pulled a newspaper out from beneath his arm and showed her the rental section. "What do you think of Kendal?" he asked, his casual tone belying the tension he was feeling regarding the current situation.

"In Cumbria?" Rose asked.

"Lovely area," he said breezily. "South Lakeland District on the River Kent. Should be far enough away to keep from crossing paths with anyone from our past timeline, and there seem to be plenty of rentals available."

Rose shrugged. "Good as anywhere, I suppose," she said dimly.

So with that much decided, the Doctor and Rose headed for the train station and embarked on a trip that would lead them to what would soon be their new home for the foreseeable future. Rose was struck by the surrealism of the entire situation. Just traveling by train with the Doctor felt strange. For two people who traveled through time and space, now using ordinary means of travel felt oddly abnormal.

They took their seats on the crowded train, and the Doctor turned to give Rose a tight smile that didn't reach his eyes.

_Just think of this as a new adventure_, Rose told herself as the train lurched forward and pulled out of the station. Yet she couldn't escape the myriad of emotions churning within. They had come close to facing a similar situation on Krop Tor when the TARDIS had been lost. For the Doctor, the prospect of living an ordinary life without the TARDIS was not exactly a pleasant one. In the end, he had been spared that fate. How would he cope now that a situation he had once called 'terrifying' had become a reality – even if only temporary? He might be trying to hide his feelings behind false smiles for her sake, but Rose could feel the anxiety coming off him in waves.

Amidst the uncertainty they were both feeling, each knew that whatever happened, the next four months would be an experience unlike any they had faced together yet. But neither one was yet aware that this was the beginning of a journey which would forever change them both.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Doctor and Rose arrive in Kendal and find a place to stay. Predictably, the Doctor is none too thrilled about all this, but in his usual manner is keeping it locked inside beneath his "I'm always alright" exterior. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who has alerted, favorited and reviewed so far! It gives me such encouragement! :)**

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><p>Roughly three hours after disembarking on their northward journey, the Doctor and Rose arrived in Kendal. Fortunately, it didn't take long to locate a flat for rent close to the town center, and shortly after, arranged to meet the agent at the property. It was a small, plainly furnished, two bedroom one bath flat. Modest but functional. They agreed to take the place. It wasn't that either of them was thrilled with the apartment considering it wasn't blue on the outside and bigger on the inside, but with night quickly falling and nowhere else to stay, they weren't exactly in the position to be choosy and shop around. It didn't escape Rose's attention how the Doctor eyed the doors and carpets with obvious disdain, and she gave him a sympathetic smile. Rose understood how he felt. A Time Lord confined to four walls and a roof just felt universally wrong.<p>

With the lease signed and the first month's rent paid in advance (Rose didn't even want to know how much money the Doctor had 'soniced'), they were left standing in their new, and decidedly NOT bigger-on-the-inside home. That's when the reality of the entire situation began to fully sink in. For the next four months, this was it.

They both turned to look at each other, neither one knowing quite what to do next. The Doctor stood there with his hands buried deep in his pockets, his face an unreadable mask. It was Rose who finally broke the awkward silence.

She took a deep breath. "I suppose next we'll need food," she said, considering the practicalities. Then she wrinkled her brow as she began to ponder all of the necessities they would need, considering they quite literally had nothing but the clothes on their backs and whatever the Doctor had stuffed in his dimensionally transcendent pockets – which could be quite substantial, actually. "And clothes. All we have is what we're wearing. And we're gonna have to think about jobs, I suppose. And –"

The Doctor, looking more distraught by the minute, cut her off. "Rose, let's just…take it one thing at a time. Okay?" he said, his tone and his wide eyes slightly pleading.

She closed her mouth and just nodded. "Are you hungry?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck as he often did whenever he was feeling nervous, awkward or uncomfortable, which encompassed pretty much everything he was feeling at the moment. He glanced towards the empty kitchen. "We could go out and get something."

Rose shook her head. She seemed to have a tense knot in her stomach and food was the last thing on her mind. "No, not really. You?" He shook his head. "I'm just tired," she said with a weary exhale, the events of the day catching up with her.

His expression softened. "Why don't you get some rest? We'll start sorting everything out in the morning."

"Yeah," she agreed, then glanced down the short hallway of the flat. "Which room do you want?" she asked.

He gave a half smile. "It really doesn't matter. Take your pick."

Rose nodded and began to head for one of the bedrooms, then a thought suddenly struck her as she abruptly stopped and turned back, rummaging through the pocket of her hoodie before finally producing her mobile. "I didn't think of this before, but…I can still call Mum, Right?" she asked, her expression hopeful. "This always rings me through to her in my correct timeline."

Admittedly, Rose didn't always call her mum as often as Jackie would like, but knowing that she now couldn't see her made Rose miss her already. She hoped she would be able to at least talk to her mum during the next four months.

The Doctor's face was once again apologetic. "The signal is routed through the Time Vortex. That's how it was always able to ring through to the correct timeline. But without the TARDIS…"

"So I can't call her, then," Rose finished for him as she slipped the phone back in her pocket.

The Doctor dropped his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry." He spoke the two words with heaviness.

Rose realized the totality of what he was apologizing for. He felt he was responsible for the entire situation. The words, _I've trapped you here_ hung in the air between them, his voice not needing to say it because his eyes already had.

Rose took a step towards him. "Doctor, this isn't your fault," she said firmly.

He opened his mouth to disagree, but she raised her hand and cut him off. "I've always known the risks that come with all of this. Things might not always go to plan, but this is the life I've chosen, and I wouldn't change it for the world."

The Doctor remained silent. Rose never ceased to amaze him. She said much the same thing to him once when she was about to be exterminated by a Dalek. Whatever mess they found themselves in, Rose had never once blamed him for it.

"I'll miss Mum," she continued, her voice a little quieter, "but it's not like this is permanent. And a normal life on Earth isn't exactly unfamiliar territory for me." She glanced down for a moment before continuing, then looked back up at him. "I just…I worry about you, though. I mean…are you gonna be okay with this – without the TARDIS?"

The Doctor forced a quick smile to his face that didn't seem to be able to stay in place. "Oh, it's not the first time I've been exiled on Earth," he said vaguely, and Rose knew she shouldn't take it personally that he compared this situation with her to exile. "I think I'll manage."

He paused, the memory of a past conversation coming to his mind as he then gave her a genuine, slow smile. "Besides, stuck with you, that's not so bad."

A smile crept across Rose's face. "Yeah?"

"Yes."

She took a few more steps closer and reached her arms out to give him a hug, which he returned, both feeling just a little bit of the tension ease. Rose pulled back and let out a deep breath. "Well…I'll see you in the morning." He nodded as she turned and made her way to one of the two bedrooms down the hall.

Rose closed the door behind her and leaned heavily on it for a moment. She straightened back up and surveyed the room. Streetlights filtered in through the single window on the far wall which was draped in a thin, white curtain. The bed was to the right, centered on the wall with a closet to the left. She walked over to the bed and sat down, bouncing slightly to test the mattress. It felt decently comfortable, but she was too tired at the moment to care either way. She stood and pealed back the plain, tan colored duvet, then kicked off her shoes, pulled off her hoodie, and shimmied out of her jeans. Not having any nightclothes to change into, she climbed into bed wearing just her t-shirt and knickers. She pulled the covers up to her chest and let out a long, deep breath as she closed her eyes and began processing the events of the day.

As she had told the Doctor, living an ordinary life on Earth wasn't unusual or unfamiliar for her. That is, after all, how she'd spent the first nineteen years of her life. She hadn't exactly been planning to return to this kind of a life, but she could certainly manage. What she was concerned about was the Doctor. Oh, he said he was alright. But when the Doctor said he was alright, it almost always meant just the opposite. She worried how he would cope without the TARDIS. Temporary as it might be, the man who never stopped and never stayed had suddenly been pulled from orbit.

Yet there was a bigger issue here that went unspoken between them, and it had been at the back of Rose's mind since this began. How would this affect their relationship? They were now suddenly living together in a tiny flat. This conjured up the same awkwardness between them that was there on Krop Tor when she had suggested they could share a place together if it came to that. Technically, they'd been living together for just over two years, but it was different on the TARDIS. The ship was massive. They weren't exactly living in close quarters. The Doctor was able to maintain some distance – she'd never even seen his bedroom. The Doctor could quite literally disappear into the bowels of the ship if he so chose. And it wasn't like they had settled down together in the two years they'd been traveling because they were constantly on the move. But this was altogether different.

They never had to stop and face their feelings for each other because the Doctor would just grab her hand and run head-long into the next adventure, never stopping to confront this _thing_ between them. When Rose stopped to consider the nature of her relationship with the Doctor, she realized she couldn't really define it. They were friends, yes. Best friends. But there was so much _more_ to their relationship, and frustratingly, so much _less_. Their feelings for each other was the proverbial nine-hundred pound gorilla in the room. It was undeniably there, but they both pretended to ignore it.

Rose knew without a trace of doubt what her feelings were for the Doctor. She had known that before he had regenerated into the man he was now. And since then, her feelings had only grown stronger. But she wasn't entirely sure what his feelings were towards her. He could be so _alien_ sometimes and keep his feelings closely guarded. But then again, maybe he wasn't being alien but just a typical male when it came to expressing his feelings, she thought dryly. Rose knew he cared deeply for her – maybe it even went beyond that. But what was undeniably clear was that he wasn't acting upon it, and maybe he never would.

And Rose knew the reason. She knew it all too well. She was human. Her lifespan was a fraction of his. She would eventually _wither and die_, as he had so delicately put it, while he would not age. She could spend the rest of her life with him, but he couldn't spend the rest of his life with her. He would have to live on. Alone. And so, they kept a safe distance between them and never crossed that line.

That line between them, however, now felt decidedly thinner within the walls of this tiny flat. Rose released a sigh as she turned on her side and closed her eyes. This was going to be an interesting four months.

-:-

The Doctor paced around the small flat feeling more and more like a caged animal. He preferred his place of residence to be bigger on the inside, and this place most definitely was _not_. He had told Rose he would be fine without the TARDIS, but the truth if it was the loss of his ship felt like a physical ache. Like he had lost a part of himself. It hurt. And he was _so tired_ of hurting. Even with the loss of everything else in his life, the one constant had always been the TARDIS. He remembered telling the crew of Sanctuary Base Six that his ship was all he had. Literally the only thing.

But that wasn't entirely true, was it? He had Rose.

Rose.

That single thought had the power to stir up a whirlwind of emotions – guilt being one of them. Rose told him she didn't blame him for this, but that didn't change the fact that he still felt responsible. He wanted to show her the majesty and splendor of the universe and let her run through all of time and space. Instead, he's trapped her here for the next four months, cut off from even talking to her mum.

But a feeling of guilt about this situation wasn't the only thing niggling at him. Actually, it was more like gnawing at his insides. He was feeling more than a little unnerved at the prospect of being in such close quarters with Rose in such a _domestic_ situation. He had once told her the thought of settling down and getting a mortgage was terrifying, but _that_ wasn't specifically what had terrified him. What terrified him was allowing himself to get too close, too emotionally attached to Rose. He had dodged the issue of sharing a place with her when the subject came up on Krop Tor. Now that it was a reality, though, he wasn't just going to abandon her and leave Rose on her own. He just hoped, however, that she didn't get used to the idea of him doing domestic. That, for many reasons, just wasn't possible. Could _never_ be possible. He had lost _everyone_ he ever cared about. Even though Rose had promised him forever, her forever was heartbreakingly brief compared to his. Her eventually loss was an inevitable fact.

The Doctor had other deep-seated reasons as well for denying himself of any stronger feelings for Rose. But he didn't want to even think about those reasons because they hurt, too. It was a pain that already served as his constant companion, ever lingering in the depths of his soul without needing to bring it to the forefront of his mind.

The Doctor looked over to the door leading to Rose's room and felt that piercing pain in his chest. He had become skilled in the art of pushing such thoughts aside, running with Rose from one adventure to the next, never slowing down long enough to let those thoughts and feelings overtake him.

Now that he had been forced to a stop, they were creeping up on him once more. He shoved aside those thoughts of yearnful longing mingled with pain and pushed them firmly down, erecting yet another wall between Rose and his true feelings.

"Coward. Every time," he murmured bitterly as he turned from her door. This was the point when he would usually plot a course and run to escape these feelings, but he was now left with nowhere to run. With time and space now out of his reach, he did the only other thing he could do.

The Doctor pulled on his long brown coat, opened the door to the flat and slipped through, closing it silently behind him. He then set out into the dark and restless night to walk the streets of Kendal.


	3. Chapter 3

**A lighter chapter than the previous one, but the tension between these two is far from over. ;)**

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><p>Upon waking the next morning, Rose found herself temporarily disoriented. She sat up abruptly and gazed around in confusion for a few seconds before her sleep-addled mind caught up with her surroundings and she remembered why she wasn't in her room on the TARDIS. She heaved a sigh and flopped back down in bed as she rubbed her palms over her eyes in an attempt to clear the last remnants of sleep. After a minute, Rose sat back up and swung her legs over the side of the bed to stand when she was struck with the same thought she'd had the day before: <em>What now? <em>Rose realized she couldn't even take a shower. No soap, no shampoo, no towels. As for clothes, the only thing she had to put on was what she'd been wearing the day before. Shopping was definitely at the top of the to-do list for today, she noted to herself.

As she pulled her jeans back on and was reaching for her hoodie, Rose noticed the sound of someone shuffling around out in the flat. The Doctor was obviously up then. She wondered if he had even slept the night before. His sleep schedule had always been something of a mystery to her. She had never been sure just how much sleep he actually needed. She knew it was less than humans, and he was always up and waiting for her, bouncing with energy and ready to go in the mornings when she would leave her room on the TARDIS. Now that they were sharing a flat together, she might come to solve that one mystery and find out how often he actually did sleep.

Rose opened the door and walked the few steps down the hall. She found the Doctor in the kitchen filling a kettle at the sink. Her lips twitched in a smile at seeing him. _That didn't take long_, she thought. Here he was already doing something so domestic. He twisted the faucet off and placed the kettle on the stove. Then, with precision aim, he pointed the sonic screwdriver at the base of the kettle, bringing the water to a rapid boil. Rose smirked. Well, this was _his_ version of domestic, anyway.

She took a few more steps and came into the kitchen. He turned and greeted her with a wide smile. For just a moment, everything else was temporarily forgotten as she smiled in return.

The Doctor had reached a conclusion the night before during his gloomy, aimless wandering. He knew this situation was going to be difficult enough as it was for Rose. And regardless of what she had said, he still felt responsible. So he decided he could at least do his best to make their forced stay here as pleasant as possible, regardless of the inner turmoil he may be feeling over the entire situation.

"Good morning," he greeted brightly.

"G'morning," she replied.

"Sleep well?"

Rose shrugged. "S'pose so. How about you?" she ventured.

He waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, don't need much sleep, me. I thought I might as well spend the time doing something useful."

It was then Rose noticed the microwave in a state of disrepair. The back panel was removed with wires hanging out and parts strewn about haphazardly on the counter. Obviously he'd been tinkering. She just hoped the rest of the appliances would survive the next few months. Rose turned her gaze back to him. "Tell me you're not tryin' to make the microwave _sonic_," she said warily.

His face, when he answered, was the picture of innocence. "Why not? Do you know how inefficient it was? I can not only speed up the cooking time, but make the quality rival that of a convection oven."

Rose shook her head. "So what else have you 'improved'," she asked, half afraid of his reply.

"Weeell, I haven't started on the stove or the telly yet. I had a few other things to attend to." He then opened the cupboards and revealed them to be stocked with food.

"You went...shopping?" Rose asked in disbelief.

He raised his hand, rubbing at the nape of his neck and looking slightly embarrassed for having performed such a mundane household task. Rose was trying to picture the Doctor, a Time Lord, The Oncoming Storm, actually pushing a trolley through the market. The mental image was more than slightly amusing. She pressed her lips together in a thin line trying to suppress the laughter that threatened to escape. That's probably why he'd snuck out and done it while she was asleep, Rose concluded.

"Well, I couldn't let you starve, could I?" he said defensively. "Besides, I know how grouchy you can be in the morning if you haven't had your cup of tea. I didn't want to have to face _that_."

Rose smiled fondly, truly touched by how he was looking out for her, even if he tried to hide it behind sarcasm. "Thank you," she said with genuine gratitude, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to give him a hug.

He smiled back, then quickly spun around and began pulling boxes of cereal out of the cabinet and setting them down. "Take your pick," he urged.

Rose grabbed two paper bowls and poured them both some cereal (along with a banana for the Doctor) while he fixed them each a cup of tea. Rose smiled inwardly as they moved about in the kitchen. Despite their current predicament, she couldn't help but feel contented at sharing this bit of domesticity with the Doctor. _Stuck with you, that's not so bad_, the words repeated in her mind.

-:-

"I hate to break it to you, but I'm afraid we're gonna have to do more shopping today," Rose said as they sat down together for breakfast at the small kitchen table. "Even though we've got food, we need more necessities like toiletries...and we have to get some more clothes."

"Mmmph," the Doctor grunted unenthusiastically as he chewed his banana, not at all pleased at the prospect, but he knew she was right.

Rose then moved on to the next pressing matter. "And if we're gonna keep eating and keep a roof over our heads, then we'll have to find jobs soon."

The Doctor swallowed and nodded. "I've been giving it some thought," he said, as he lifted his steaming mug of tea and took a sip. "I suppose I could always find another teaching position. I'm certainly more than qualified. And with the psychic paper it shouldn't be too hard to get myself a position somewhere, the same as I did the last time."

Rose nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you were actually quite good as a teacher," she said fondly, recalling his time as a physics teacher while investigating the Krillitanes. Her smile slowly faded. "I'm not sure what I'll do, though."

"I'm sure I could get you a position, too," he assured her.

"Oh, I'm sure you could, too," she replied dryly. "No thanks. I can find a job as a dinner lady on my own."

"You wouldn't have to be a dinner lady, Rose. You can do anything you'd like. You're brilliant," he said proudly, his eyes sparkling back at hers.

Rose felt her cheeks flush at the compliment and the rather adoring gaze he was currently giving her. "Thanks," she replied somewhat shyly as she ducked her eyes and took a sip of her tea. "But I'm not sure prospective employers would think quite so highly of me," she sighed. "I mean, sure I'm more knowledgeable and experienced than I was over two years ago workin' in a shop. But being able to say I've traveled throughout all of time and space isn't exactly the sort of thing I can put on a CV," she reasoned.

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to find work somewhere," the Doctor said assuringly. "But you wouldn't really even have to. I don't see why I can't make enough for the both of us for the next few months."

Rose's eyes suddenly snapped back up to his. "I _can_ take care of myself, you know," she replied sharply, a little surprised by her own reaction. She didn't mean to snap at him. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate him looking out for her. But Rose did not want to feel like she was his _burden_ during all of this.

The Doctor held up his hands. "No need to get tetchy," he said in a placating tone. "I never implied that you couldn't. I was merely pointing out that it wasn't entirely necessary for both of us to find work if I was making a sufficient amount."

Rose let out a breath and relaxed her shoulders. "I know. I'm sorry. It's not that I don't appreciate it. But I don't want you to feel like you have to…to take care of me."

"I want to take care of you, Rose," he said then, in a voice so quiet she barely caught his words.

Rose looked him in the eyes as he purposely avoided looking in hers. "What was that?" she asked, half thinking she must have misunderstood what he said.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "What I mean to say is, since this situation is at least partially my fault, I don't mind footing the bill," he replied casually, removing the meaning his words had carried a moment ago.

Rose knew that wasn't what he meant the first time, but she wasn't going to push it. Ignoring these little slips was their Standard Operating Procedure. "Right," she replied. "Well, first of all, this isn't your fault. I thought we settled that last night. And second, I'm not gonna have you 'foot the bill' while I sit around and do nothing. So, have we got that settled?"

He gave her a mock salute. "Yes ma'am."

Rose rolled her eyes as they slipped so easily back into their usual banter. "Finish your banana," she said with a chuckle as she stood and walked over to toss her empty paper bowl in the rubbish bin, then turned back towards him to add, "We've got a _loooong_ day of shopping ahead of us."

That last remark caused him to choke on said banana.


	4. Chapter 4

Rose walked back to her bedroom to put on her shoes, and then, considering she didn't even have a comb, tried to smooth her hair as best she could to make herself presentable before heading out. Her thoughts began drifting ahead to their upcoming shopping trip. Without the TARDIS wardrobe and its seemingly endless supply of pinstriped suits, the Doctor was going to have to make a concession and wear something else from time to time – at least for now. Rose unwittingly found herself fantasizing about what the Doctor would look like in a slim fitting pair of jeans…

Rose had to shake herself from her straying thoughts. This shopping trip was being made purely out of necessity, she told herself firmly. It was _not_ to be used as an opportunity to dress the Doctor according to one of her secret fantasies. Although, he _would_ need some casual wear, wouldn't he? She was just trying to be practical, Rose thought to herself with a cheeky grin as she left the room to re-join the Doctor and embark on their latest 'adventure'.

-:-

The Doctor was already beginning to grumble at the task that lay before him as they reached the shopping center. "Over nine hundred years, and I've never had to _shop_ for clothes," he complained.

Rose stopped walking and turned to him. "Seriously? The TARDIS wardrobe is stuffed with clothes from top to bottom, and you've never actually bought any?" she asked, disbelievingly.

He shrugged. "I've just sort of…collected items here and there over the years."

Rose took his arm and continued walking. "Well, there's always a first time for everything, Doctor," she said cheerily as they stepped inside.

There was an awkward moment as they stood together at the front of the store. Rose wasn't sure if she should accompany the Doctor and help him shop, or if they should go their separate ways and shop on their own. She found herself embarrassed at the thought of him standing over her while she shopped for knickers. Although on second thought, she mused as that slightly wicked side of her began to surface once again, that might prove quite fun. Then she could help him shop for his and find an answer to another one of those burning questions she's always had: boxers or briefs.

Rose quickly put that thought aside. _No_, she told herself as she felt a blush creep across her cheeks, _best not entertain 'those' kinds of thoughts. _Honestly, she was going to have to get a hold of herself!

The Doctor seemed to notice her awkward hesitation. "What?" he queried.

"Nothing," she replied all too quickly. Rose cleared her throat. "I was just wonderin' if you need any help, or if you want to shop on your own."

The Doctor scowled. "I think I'm perfectly capable of shopping on my own. Just because I've never _had_ to do it doesn't mean I _can't_ do it," he replied, sounding greatly affronted.

"Blimey, shopping puts you in a bad mood," she muttered. "Fine, I'll leave you to it. We'll meet back up when we're done, yeah?"

"Agreed," he said in a somber tone, and Rose tried very hard not to laugh at his deathly-serious expression. _You'd think he was going to face down a horde of Slitheen_, she thought to herself with a chuckle as he walked stiffly away.

-:-

Rose managed to find everything she needed fairly quickly and went to meet back up with the Doctor once she'd made her purchases. She tried to keep her buying to a minimum for now so the money they did have would last until they could earn more of their own. Rose was surprised she had finished her shopping before him. Maybe he did need some help after all.

She found the Doctor in the men's department in front of a mirror, admiring himself in a new suit. Rose sighed. She should have known he would only consider suits. But she had to admit, he did look amazing in them. The Doctor saw her approaching in the mirror, and turned to give her a winning smile.

"What do you think?" he asked, looking quite proud of his fashion find.

Rose moved around him to take a closer inspection, eyeing the suit up and down. "It looks…_exactly_ like your brown one, only…_blue_," she said in astonishment.

"Isn't it brilliant?" he enthused, smoothing his lapels. "Now all I need is a pair of red trainers to complete the look."

Rose laughed. "Well, you'll certainly match the TARDIS with this suit," she teased, then her face suddenly became serious. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to…"

"Rose," he said reassuringly, "it's fine. You don't have to worry about upsetting me if you mention the TARDIS. It's not like she's a deceased loved one or a painful subject you have to broach delicately. We'll have her back again before long."

Rose looked relieved. "Yeah, I s'pose you're right. And to answer your question," she continued, switching back to the original subject and giving him a grin, "I think this suits you – no pun intended." Rose looked him up and down once again. "I think you're actually the only person who could pull off a suit like this."

He beamed. "I do look quite dashing in it, don't I?" he said proudly with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Rose grinned and shook her head. "You and your ego. But yes, you do actually," she had to agree, much to his satisfaction.

-:-

Rose sat down and waited while the Doctor went back into the changing room. She tapped her fingers absently against her shopping bag sitting beside her, and then she had a curious thought. She looked over at another bag sitting there with some of the other things the Doctor had already bought. Rose decided to take a quick peek at the other purchases he'd made while she waited for him to finish changing. She looked into the bag and smirked at the predictable half a dozen dress shirts and ties. She peered further in and came upon…

"Rose?"

Busted.

She quickly pulled back from the bag, looking for all the world like she'd just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Rose stood and turned back around to face the Doctor, who was once again wearing his brown suit and holding the blue one he intended to purchase.

His lips quirked in a knowing smile. "Do my purchases meet with your approval?"

"I was just…making sure you had all the…y'know…necessities," she finished lamely.

Rose quickly put the thought of undergarments out of her mind as she switched back to the topic of suits. "So, have you found any other suits you like? You're gonna need more than just two."

The Doctor frowned. "Two is perfectly adequate. I'll have one to wear while I sonic the other one clean. No need for more than that," he reasoned. "Besides, this is the only one they have that fits my style," he added, as if that completely settled it.

Rose stifled a laugh. "Fine," she relented, "I s'pose it's up to you."

While on the topic of the Doctor's style, Rose decided now was the perfect opportunity to make a suggestion. "But speaking of your 'style'," she went on, trying to sound nonchalant, "have you ever thought about, y'know, changing it up a bit?" He looked at her quizzically and lifted a brow. "You could, oh, I dunno, maybe get a few pairs of jeans? Some t-shirts, a few jumpers…"

The Doctor bumped her shoulder playfully. "I thought you would've had enough of seeing me in jumpers," he said with a grin, remembering his Ninth self's style preference.

Her eyes became wistful. "I loved you in jumpers," Rose said softly, and not just referring to his previous self's clothing. She cleared her throat and continued. "I'm just thinking of practicality. You might need something more casual once in a while. And I think you'd look really great in a pair of jeans," she added quickly as she ducked her eyes away from him, the words suddenly out before she could stop them.

Why did she have to say _that_, she thought as she mentally kicked herself. But Rose had no doubt the Doctor would just breeze right over it as if she hadn't said it. She was caught completely off-guard, however, by his response.

A slow, undeniably sexy smile spread over his face. "So," he drawled, "you think I'd look good in jeans, hmm?" He waggled his eyebrows. "You think I'm slim and a little bit foxy?" He then leaned in closer to her, doing his best impersonation of Cassandra. "You've been looking. You _like_ it."

Rose was momentarily speechless. He was actually flirting back? The Doctor had flirted playfully with her before – particularly this Tenth version of himself, asking her right from the start if he was sexy, while giving her a wink that clearly answered his own question. But he's never been quite this…bold.

Well, she thought, suddenly feeling daring herself, if that's how he wanted to play it, she could give as good as she got. Rose slowly raked her eyes over him appreciatively. "I have been looking," she replied in a sultry voice, "and I like it _very_ much."

The air was suddenly crackling between them as their gaze locked on each other. They had both acted on sudden impulse, and just where did they go from here? There were two options: quickly backpedal, which was predictable and familiar territory; or they could take this even further – the thought of which caused Rose's heart to beat even faster than it was at the present moment. Rose could swear the Doctor's breathing seemed to have increase in rate. Or maybe it just seemed that way to her because of her own breathless state.

Maddeningly, and no doubt to the Doctor's relief, it was at that moment they were interrupted.

"Can I be of any further assistance, sir?" a sales clerk asked politely.

Well, that was the end of that. The Doctor had just been given a perfect 'out' and could quickly move on and pretend the topic of jeans (and the conversation that followed) had never even occurred.

The Doctor paused for a lengthy moment, and then made a decision that surprised them both. He cleared his throat and answered in a slow, deliberate voice. "Do you have any jeans?" he asked, then cut his eyes over at Rose and smirked at her shocked expression.

_Yep, still got it,_ he thought to himself smugly as he followed the sales clerk over to the casual section.


	5. Chapter 5

**A little more introspection on the Doctor and Rose's relationship from Rose's POV.**

* * *

><p>Once the Doctor and Rose had finished making all their necessary purchases that day, they returned to the flat. Both pretended as if their earlier flirting didn't mean anything. Both also knew nothing could be further from the truth. Yet they were back to playing that all-too familiar game that fooled exactly no one — especially themselves. Because denial was safe.<p>

"Nothing like a day of shopping to give you an appetite," said Rose, as she set her bags down once inside the flat. "I'm starving."

"Fancy going back out and getting a bite to eat?" the Doctor asked, as he, too, bent to put down the armload of bags he was carrying and stood back up.

Rose almost made a playful remark, asking if this was him inviting her out on a date, but then thought better of it. She figured they had already pushed their flirting far enough for one day.

"Yeah, sounds good," she replied. "Where d'you want to go?"

He shrugged. "No idea. Let's just see where we end up, shall we?"

Rose grinned. This was their way of things — be it traversing the universe or going out for dinner. "Just make it up as we go along, yeah?"

"Yep," he popped the 'p', matching her grin with his own.

-:-

The two of them walked in companionable silence through the city center, both taking in the sights and sounds of the town as they ambled along in the evening twilight. The Doctor reached for Rose's hand as they crossed the pedestrian thoroughfare through the heart of town, and then headed down along the riverside.

Rose had such a feeling of contentment here at the Doctor's side. There was a slight chill in the air, but the warmth of his hand enveloping hers — despite his slightly cooler body temperature — seemed to suffuse through her entire body and wrap her in inner warmth. Rose had refrained from making a comment about this being a date, but she couldn't help feel that in a way it was. Being together here in this moment just felt different somehow. Maybe because for once they weren't running for their lives or tumbling head-long into an adventure. It was just the two of them together doing something completely normal, yet completely wonderful. The Doctor could make the most ordinary days seem extraordinary, simply by being able to experience it with him.

Not surprisingly, they ended up coming to a stop outside a local chippy. They both grinned at each other, silently agreeing upon this place for dinner without either one even having to ask.

Rose took an appreciative whiff as they stepped inside, enjoying the pleasing aroma of fresh fish and chips being fried. After a few minutes wait, they received their order and decided to leave the small shop and head back out in the open air to eat.

They found outdoor seating down along the riverside and sat down with their steaming-hot food wrapped in traditional heavy paper. The two chatted happily as they ate, watching the passersby and enjoying the view of the river, with the lights of the night reflecting off its surface. Rose thought she sensed more of a lightness in the Doctor's mood. Certainly more so than when they had first arrived here the day before. He seemed genuinely enthusiastic as he recounted to her some of the details of the area's history.

"I'll have to take you to see Kendal Castle sometime while we're here," said the Doctor. "Mind you, it's not as grand as it was in its day, but it's still an impressive structure." He popped a piece of fish in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "Then once we're back in the TARDIS, I'll take you to the twelfth century and you can see it new."

Rose smiled and leaned over to nudge him with her shoulder. "You're the ultimate tour guide."

He snatched a chip from her plate and popped it in his mouth, giving her a wink. "That's me."

He continued on chatting happily, yet despite his seeming enthusiasm, Rose couldn't help but wonder how long it would last. This was a new setting for them and a new experience. But what would happen when the newness of it wore off? The Doctor never even landed the TARDIS on Sundays because he said they were boring. He would now have to live through not only Sundays, but all the others days in between. Eventually this would become a daily grind of which the Doctor would certainly tire of very quickly. What if he also became bored with her now that he couldn't show her new planets and creatures and horizons? He'd just be stuck with her week in and week out, each day filled with the same mundane normalcy.

The Doctor had stopped his chatting for a minute, and Rose turned her eyes from the river back to him. All thoughts of self-doubt suddenly vanished for a moment as she gazed over at him and saw him looking back at her, his eyes penetrating, deep and fathomless as he captured her eyes with his and held them. His gaze seemed momentarily and uncharacteristically open and unguarded. For just a fraction of a moment, she saw something in his eyes she had never seen — intense longing. And yet, something else. Was it desire? Whatever its name, the intensity of it caused her heart to beat just a little bit faster as her breathing was momentarily suspended in time.

He blinked, and then it seemed to be gone, vanishing like a vapor of mist; and those walls were back in place. Rose could tell there was something he had been about to say, or _wanted_ to say, but he held back. That was their way of things, too, wasn't it? Always holding back.

His eyes dropped from hers, and then his attention shifted back to their meal. Rose's focus moved back down to her own food as they ate in silence for another few minutes.

Rose lifted her eyes and looked off into the distance. Her gaze fell upon a couple nearby as they stood alongside the river. They were holding each other in an intimate embrace, seemingly unaware of the rest of the world around them, completely lost in each other. Rose felt a deep pain in her heart as she watched them wistfully. In this mad, frenzied, wonderful life with the Doctor she had never really stopped to consider this before, but Rose realized in this moment as she watched this couple that a relationship like that was something she may never have.

The Doctor had become her heart and soul; and for her, the thought of having a relationship with any man other than him just wasn't even worth considering. Even if the Doctor could never return the feelings she had for him and never give her that kind of relationship, she would still stay with him. Maybe there had been a time when it was a choice. Now it was simply a fact. It was something as sure and true as the rising of the sun each morning. She would stay with this man forever.

As Rose continued to ponder these thoughts, more than anything in this moment she wished everything could just be simpler. She wished they could simply be a man and a woman with no walls between them and no complications keeping them from expressing and acting upon their feelings for each other. But that just wasn't possible, and a part of her felt selfish for wanting it that way. It wasn't fair to want the Doctor to give more of himself to her, knowing that her lifetime would be so brief compared to his. It would just make her loss that much harder for him to bear when that time eventually came. Even though she truly believed in her heart that the time they _could_ have — right here, right now — would make it all worth it. Better to have loved and lost, as they say. But then, she wasn't the one who would be left to carry on alone in the end.

So she would not push for him to give more than he was willing or able to give. Simply having his hand to hold would have to be enough for her. She had chosen this life with the Doctor and promised him forever — her forever. And that was a promise she would keep, regardless of how much or little he could give her in return.

Rose was roused from her wistful thoughts by the sound of the Doctor's voice. "Ready to head back?" he asked, as he reached over and took her empty wrappings from her lap, then tossed the paper in the rubbish bin beside them.

She forced a smile to her face, hiding behind it her feelings of longing as he turned back towards her. "Yeah," she replied, "let's go."

He stood and held out his hand to her which she took, just as she always had. Just as she always would.


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh, the perils of sharing a tiny, one bathroom flat... ;)**

* * *

><p>The Doctor and Rose had now been living this Earth-bound life for a week. They'd had their share of awkward moments living together in such a small space, and the sexual tension between them (which had never before been in short supply) had most definitely gone up a notch. Or two.<p>

Just as the Doctor predicted, he'd had no trouble finding a teaching position. As it turned out, there was an opening for a math teacher at a nearby secondary school. He didn't even have to arrange for the current teacher to win the lottery so he could take their place as he'd done in the past to secure himself a position.

Rose was glad he had something to focus his time and attention on during the day. He needed that. But she was frustrated that she hadn't had the same luck in finding work. She had been out job hunting every day, but so far had not been successful in finding employment. If this continued, she might have to swallow her pride and take the Doctor up on his offer of helping her get a job by letting the psychic paper give her qualifications a 'boost'. But she wanted to do this on her own. She had told the Doctor she could take care of herself. Rose wanted to prove she could hold her own in this situation without feeling dependent on the Doctor, like she was his burden to bear.

-:-

Rose returned to the flat at the end of the first week after yet another unsuccessful day of job hunting. She was feeling tired and frustrated, and was really starting to miss her mum. Knowing she couldn't even talk to her made Rose miss her all the more. She could use a hug and a cup of her mum's tea right about now. She was also missing the Doctor. Rose hadn't gotten to know anyone else here yet, and the Doctor was her only company, so she missed not having him around during the day.

When he got back, she was hoping to just spend the evening in with him rather than going out to grab a bite to eat as they often did. They could eat in and maybe just watch telly. The Doctor had upgraded the TV so that it now not only picked up literally every channel on Earth, but channels from nearby galaxies as well. _By the Light of the Asteroid_ was quickly becoming Rose's new favorite program and it was airing tonight. Dinner and telly sounded like a perfect plan.

Rose walked into her bedroom and took off her jacket and shoes, then sat on the bed and rubbed her tired feet. She decided to take a hot bath before the Doctor came back, hoping to relax and forget the day's frustrations.

Rose peeled off her clothes and padded into the bathroom. She filled the tub and added bubbles, the calming scent of lavender filling the air. Rose stepped into the tub and sank down into the steaming water as she let out an appreciative sigh. This was just what she needed. The water soothed her tense muscles, and she relaxed to the point of drifting off to sleep.

She dozed longer than expected and was unaware of the sound of the Doctor returning.

The Doctor walked into the flat and tossed his coat over the back of the couch. Apparently Rose was still out, he noted with a pang of disappointment as he gazed around at the empty flat. He realized during their short time here that he had grown even more attached to her presence in his life. Whether or not that was a safe thing was another matter entirely, but he couldn't deny how much he looked forward to seeing her at the end of each day.

It was beginning to get dark, so he switched on the lamp in the living room. The Doctor realized, much to his displeasure, that he was feeling a bit tired. He had been sleeping even less than usual lately due to feeling the stark loss of the constant and comforting hum of the TARDIS in his mind. It was always the worst for him at night when all was quiet and there was no activity of the day to distract him. It also seemed that the deafening silence in his mind was a breeding ground for nightmares; so for now, sleep was something he avoided.

The Doctor decided a hot shower was what he needed just about now. He usually skipped showers in favor of simply using the sonic, but a hot shower now and then definitely had its advantages.

He walked to the hall and tossed his suit jacket into his barely-used room, followed by his trainers and tie. He headed for the bathroom, tugging at the top buttons on his collar as he opened the door and stepped in.

He stopped dead in his tracks, one hand still on the doorknob and the other at the buttons of his shirt as his eyes fell upon the liquid vision that was Rose.

Rose was instantly roused from her relaxed slumber as the door to the bathroom abruptly opened and the Doctor stepped in. She gasped and sank even lower in the water, the bubbles coming up to her chin.

"Doctor!" she cried in shock.

"Sorry!" he exclaimed at the same time.

Rose's eyes quickly flicked down to the froth of bubbles barely protecting her dignity, then skittered back up to the Doctor, who was still standing stock-still and wide-eyed.

"I…erm…sorry! I didn't know you were here. The flat was dark, and I thought you were still out," the Doctor said in a rush.

Rose's initial shock gave way to rapidly-growing aggravation as she realized the Doctor was still just standing there, and _very_ much staring. She was clearly the one at the disadvantage here. "Yeah, well, obviously I _am_ here," she said, half in irritation and half in embarrassment.

"Yes, obviously you are," he replied slowly, his voice noticeably dropping a tone lower as his eyes traveled languorously down her bubble-clad form.

Rose cleared her throat loudly. "Doctor, would you mind…" she said impatiently, gesturing to the door with a curt nod of her head.

His eyes snapped from where they had strayed, back up to hers. "Right. Yes. Sorry. I'll just…um…go..." He pointed his thumb in the direction of the door, then turned on his heel and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Rose let out the breath she'd been holding. This just topped all other instances of awkward and embarrassing situations they'd had since sharing a flat together.

_Although_, Rose mused, as she gave it further thought, the Doctor didn't seem to be all that embarrassed – more like enjoying the view! She shook her head. In some ways he was just like an ordinary bloke. But still, embarrassing as it might have been, the thought of the Doctor looking at her the way he had sent a flush from her head to her toes, and a thrill down her spine.

The words, "_You've been looking. You like it_," could now be applied to him, Rose thought triumphantly as she stood and rinsed the bubbles from herself, then turned off the tap and reached for a towel. As she dried off, Rose came to a sudden realization. She didn't bring a change of clothes with her into the bathroom. Ordinarily she did when heading for the shower, but this time the Doctor hadn't been here and she thought she would be done with her bath before he got back. She didn't give a thought to parading down the hall in nothing but a towel because she'd been thinking the flat would still be empty when she got out.

Rose let out a long sigh. Oh well, she thought with resignation as she wrapped the towel firmly around herself, what was one more awkward situation? Just add it to the growing list. Maybe, she thought with a dash of optimism, the Doctor wouldn't be nearby and she could make it to her room discreetly.

-:-

The Doctor stood in his room where he had retreated to after making his (albeit delayed) exit from the bathroom, and berated himself for his behavior. In such a situation, the polite thing to do would have been to avert his eyes and hastily leave the room. But he just stood there and _stared_ – openly stared. Honestly, what had come over him lately? He was over nine hundred, yet here he was acting like a three-hundred-year-old adolescent!

The Doctor paused in his thoughts and swallowed heavily. He knew exactly what had come over him:

Rose.

What was it about this woman, this pink and yellow human that could stir up such emotions and desires within him that he had not felt in _such_ a long time, and in many ways, had never felt before? The Doctor knew the answer to that question as well. She was _Rose_. The answer was both as simple and complex as that.

The Doctor heard the sound of water draining from the tub and Rose moving about in the bathroom. He knew she would be coming out soon, and he thought the least he could do was sonic a kettle of water and make her some tea. That would at least be a thoughtful gesture to make up for his rather rude behavior of taking visual advantage of Rose when she was at the disadvantage of being covered in nothing more than, well, _bubbles_.

With his impeccable sense of timing (Time Lord, after all), the Doctor stepped out of his room just as Rose exited from the bathroom, and they collided into each other in the tiny hall. The Doctor instinctively grabbed Rose by her towel-clad waist to steady her as she fell against him. With one hand on his shoulder and the other gripping the towel firmly to her chest, Rose recovered her balance and eased back from where her body had been rather intimately pressed against his. They locked eyes, faces close enough to feel each other's now accelerated breathing.

"We have to stop meeting like this," the Doctor said lightly, trying to ease the tension of the, yet again, awkward situation.

Rose looked momentarily flushed, but as she regained her composure she began to have a change of heart about the situation with the Doctor's firm hands still holding her waist and his deep brown eyes mere inches from hers. There was a definite glimmer in her eye as the slightest of smiles ghosted across her lips. "Oh, I dunno," she replied almost huskily, "it makes things much more fun, don't you think?"

Before he could respond to that, she then turned and sashayed down the hall and into her room. The Doctor stood motionless as he watched her departing form, the towel dipping tantalizingly low down her back as alluring droplets of water trailed over her smooth, creamy skin. He closed his mouth which had gone slack and scrubbed a hand through his hair. A hot shower was no longer what he needed. A cold shower, however, was now _very_ much in order.


	7. Chapter 7

**A little more Ten/Rose domestics, because it's ridiculously fun. :)**

* * *

><p>Rose blow-dried her hair and put on a comfortable pair of jeans and a light blue t-shirt. She thought about these little 'moments' with the Doctor that inevitably came when living in such close quarters, and instead of thinking them awkward, she was now rather enjoying them. Maybe she would even get her own 'bathtub moment' but with the tables turned, she thought with a sultry grin making its way across her face as she left her room and went into the kitchen.<p>

The Doctor finished his invigorating shower, changed, and headed back out into the flat where he joined Rose in the kitchen. He had changed into his new blue suit trousers, but had forgone the jacket and tie, instead just wearing a white oxford, with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms and the first few buttons of his collar undone. Rose couldn't deny she was disappointed that he had yet to wear the jeans he had purchased on their first shopping trip, but she couldn't complain about seeing him dressed like this. He would dress-down more casually in the evenings when they stayed in, and Rose relished seeing him with less layers and simply more laid-back. Rose thought the easy, casual look made him even more gorgeous, if possible.

"Hello," he said, his voice soft and content as he stepped into the kitchen, his hands tucked lazily in his pockets.

Rose turned from where she stood at the open refrigerator door and smiled back at him. "Hey," she replied, all earlier tension gone, and the two of them just ridiculously happy to be in each other's company.

"We staying in for dinner tonight?" he asked, as he walked closer and Rose sat the vegetables she had removed from the refrigerator down into the sink.

"I thought we would, yeah. Is that alright with you?"

"Fine by me," he said with a smile. "So, what's for dinner?"

Rose stood at the sink washing off the vegetables and grinned to herself at how domesticated he sounded. "Stir-fry," she replied, as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. "You wanna do whatever it is you do with the sonic and cook the sirloin steak then cut it into strips?"

He removed the sonic screwdriver from his pocket with a flourish, twirled it in the air and caught it with his other hand. "Consider it done. Setting 1483.9."

Rose began chopping the peppers, mushrooms and onions, then put them in the skillet. The Doctor finished his task and came over to assist Rose with the vegetables.

"I have a setting for those as well, you know," he told her, as he waved the sonic in the direction of the skillet.

Rose shook her head as she gave the vegetables a stir and drizzled a bit more oil in the pan. "Your way might be faster, but I prefer doing the vegetables this way." She inhaled deeply, enjoying the savory aroma filling the kitchen. "There's nothing like the smell of peppers and onions sautéing in a hot skillet. Do it with the sonic, and you lose the effect."

The Doctor came up behind Rose and leaned in closer as he looked over her shoulder while she continued to stir. The heat coming from the skillet in front of Rose was suddenly surpassed by the heat now radiating from the Doctor's close proximity. He placed his hand on the small of her back as he leaned over her shoulder. Rose felt a tingle surge through her at the contact, making her breath catch and her heart-rate speed up.

Surely he could feel this too, she thought. How could he not? She had to focus to keep her breathing even and not show the effect he was having on her.

Living with this man was going to be the death of her, Rose thought to herself. How could she continue to share such close living quarters with him, be in such close proximity, and pretend he didn't have such a strong effect on her — not act upon the intense feelings he stirred within her every time their eyes met or he took her hand or, in this case, when he touched her?

"You have a point," the Doctor said, his voice sounding low and smooth in her ear as he peered over her shoulder while she continued to stir, her focus now completely gone from the task at hand. He took a long, deep breath, inhaling the aroma of the vegetables; yet with their closeness, Rose felt as if he was breathing in her scent as well. That thought alone made a shiver of desire run through her. "This way does have its appeal." He turned his head to her as he spoke.

Rose turned to him at that same moment, their faces now mere inches apart. "Yes, it does have its appeal," Rose responded, hoping she didn't sound as breathless as she felt right at this moment. Their gaze locked, his dark brown eyes almost burning into hers as he looked back at her. Time seemed to slow to a stop. Rose could no longer hear the sizzling of the skillet. All she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears.

As if drawn by an unstoppable force, her eyes fell upon his lips; his full, soft bottom lip that he'd just moistened with this tongue in a motion that stole her breath away, and then...

The moment was instantly broken as the Doctor removed his hand from her and took a step back. In a swift move that left her dizzy he then hopped up to sit on the counter beside her. "So, how was your day, then?" he asked brightly, as if completely unaffected by what had just transpired between them and nothing at all had happened.

Rose forced herself to take a long, steadying breath as she regained her equilibrium. _Yes_, she thought to herself, _he was definitely going to be the death of her. _

She turned her attention back to cooking and tried to sound as nonchalant as the Doctor when she replied. "Oh, same old. You know." She moved about the kitchen, assembling the rest of the ingredients for dinner. "Still no luck," Rose continued, with a tinge of frustration in her voice at her lack of success in finding a job.

The Doctor hopped off the counter and took up stirring the vegetables in the skillet. "You know, it could be quite easy if you'd just let me…"

"We've already been through this," Rose cut him off. "It might take me a bit longer, but I can find a job on my own."

"Fine, fine," he said placatingly. "But the offer still stands if you change your mind." The Doctor didn't really understand Rose's insistence on finding a job on her own without his help, but he admired her determination none the less.

"So what about you? How was your day?" she asked, as they continued together preparing dinner. Rose felt a touch of surrealism at asking him such an everyday question. They _both_ sounded so domestic now. A small part of her wished it could last.

"Weeell, let's see. Christy Sevitts aced the test I gave today in class. She clearly has a head for math. I think she could take any algebraic equation I threw at her. But what pleased me most was Josh Brennan. He only made a C, but he's already shown improvement from where he was last week. Given time, I'll have him factoring quadratics with the best of them."

Rose smiled softly. The Doctor seemed to clearly enjoy teaching, and his delight over the student's progress was evident. "You inspire them," she said warmly.

"Not all of them," he replied with a shake of his head. "If Angela Scott would stop staring at me with her eyes glazed over and actually pay attention, then maybe she'd learn something."

Rose laughed. "She has a crush on you," she stated, then added with a shrug, "It's only natural."

The Doctor leaned casually back against the counter and arched an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Well, yeah," she continued. "Most students have a crush on at least _one_ of their teachers during their school years."

"Did you?" he questioned, as he picked up a strip of steak and popped it in his mouth.

Rose paused to think about it. "Well, no actually. But then again, none of my teachers were..." she stopped herself, swallowing the words she had been about to say, then turned back to busy herself at the counter.

"None of them were what?" he pressed, a definite hint of smugness in his tone.

Rose took a deep breath. He could be so maddening at times! He knew exactly what he was pushing her to say. Maybe she should just come out with it and have it done. _I never had a teacher who was a gorgeous, sexy alien. So there!_

She turned back to face him. "They were all _older_. Much older."

"I'm over nine hundred," he pointed out, then thought about that for a moment. "Maybe I should tell that to Angela Scott. The age gap might deter her."

Rose chuckled. "Well, if she's a determined girl then it wouldn't matter. An age gap isn't important if someone really cares about another person," she said, and suddenly the conversation was no longer about the Doctor's love-struck student.

"Doesn't it?" he asked softly, a shadow of regret in his eyes. Regret over things that could never be, and the reasons why they could never be.

"No, it doesn't," Rose replied with firm conviction. "Like they say, age is just a number. It's not something that matters if two people truly care about each other."

"Ah, but those numbers represent years." He took a long, deep breath, then released it. "Years' worth of regrets and burdens. It's not fair to place all that on another person and expect them to carry it, too." His eyes were suddenly distant and haunted, those regrets and burdens he spoke of clearly at the front of his thoughts.

Rose looked into his eyes, drawing them back to hers as she spoke softly. "But that's part of what a relationship is about. It's about carrying those burdens _with_ the other person so they don't have to do it alone."

The Doctor held her gaze and swallowed thickly, then broke eye contact and turned to remove some plates from the cabinet. He chuckled, but there was no humor in his tone. "Well, I think that's asking a lot of Angela Scott, don't you think? She's not even out of school yet."

With resignation, Rose chuckled slightly, too, and turned her attention back to finishing dinner. They both knew the conversation ceased being about Angela Scott long ago.

-:-

Once dinner was prepared, they filled their plates, but rather than sit at the table Rose took her food and headed for the living room, setting her plate on the small coffee table in front of the couch as she reached for the remote.

"Dinner and telly?" the Doctor asked, as he followed and sat down on the couch beside her with his own plate of food.

Rose grinned. "I found out _By the Light of the Asteroid_ comes on in the evenings, too, on channel 3069. Have you ever watched it?"

The Doctor took a bite of food and tilted his head in thought. "Is that the one with the twins?"

"That's the one!" she said enthusiastically. "Joofie Crystalle is gettin' married in tonight's episode."

The Doctor shook his head and made a disapproving sound. "It'll never last. This makes husband number five."

Rose smirked. The Doctor was ever the expert, apparently even when it came to galactic soap operas.

They had both settled back comfortably together on the couch after they finished their dinner. Once Rose's program was over, the Doctor flipped channels and settled on _Star Trek_, pointing out the inaccuracies to Rose and saying that a Klingon's forehead ridges were in actuality much less pronounced.

Rose sat up and gave him a disbelieving look. "You're sayin' there _really_ are such things as Klingons?"

"Of course there are," he replied in all seriousness. "Really, Rose. You've seen Daleks, Slitheen, Ood, and yet you question whether Klingons are real? I just usually avoid crossing paths with them because they're not exactly the friendliest of species."

Rose just shook her head and leaned back again. "It's like I said once a long time ago, every conversation with you just goes…mental," she said with a chuckle.

Rose had settled back against the corner of the couch, angled to the side with her legs across the cushions and feet resting near the Doctor. He sat with his long legs stretched out and feet propped up atop the coffee table, with one arm draped over the back of the couch. At some point, his hand came down to rest on Rose's ankle. She didn't react, but her sole focus was now fixated on that hand currently resting upon her. She tried not to think about it; but it was amazing, actually, how such a simple thing could be so _distracting_. His hand then moved and he began absently stroking her foot. Rose was acutely aware of his touch, but she wondered if he even realized he was doing it. But then he spoke.

"Your plantar flexor digitorum muscles are extremely tight," he commented.

"Spent a lot of time on my feet today," she replied, trying to sound relaxed and not show the effect his touch was having on her.

It was her _foot_. Rose told her aroused hormones to get a grip. But then his long fingers glided back up to her ankle and slipped under the hem of her jeans, brushing across her leg as he reached the top of her sock, then eased it down and off. He then did the same to the other foot. With her bare skin beneath his fingers, he began kneading the tight muscles on the soles of her feet with his expert hands. Rose fought back the moan of pleasure that threatened to escape her lips.

"This okay?" he asked softly, as his eyes flicked up to hers and saw the tight look on her face. She was practically holding her breath. He had never touched her quite this way before. Rose forced herself to relax back against the sofa.

She let out a sigh of pleasure. "Yeah, feels lovely." He smiled softly. Rose closed her eyes and let herself relax into his touch and the feeling of pleasure it created. If he could have this effect on her just by touching her _feet_, how could those hands of his make 'other' parts of her body feel? Rose once again had to stop that train of thought before it got the better of her.

She had become so relaxed by his gentle, hypnotic touch that Rose felt herself beginning to drift off just as his ministrations stopped. She slowly opened her eyes and looked into his, full of warmth and infinite tenderness.

"You're tired," he said softly. "You should get some rest. Tomorrow's Saturday. We can spend the day seeing some of the sights. I could take you to the castle."

She smiled. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Rose sat up beside him. She wanted so much to lean over and give him a light kiss on the cheek. A simple gesture to say thank you. But he had taken this tiny step of increased intimacy between them, and she didn't want to read more into it than he had intended, or push it too far and make him back away. So instead she just gave him another smile and said "thank you."

After she stood, Rose turned and looked back at him. "You going to bed now too?" she asked. Rose could see the weariness behind his eyes and wondered, not for the first time, if he had been sleeping at all since they had been here.

"Oh, I don't need as much sleep as you lot, remember?" he said lightly, brushing the matter aside.

Rose looked at him firmly. "But you still need _some_ sleep, and you haven't been getting any, have you?" she challenged.

The Doctor exhaled as he rubbed his eye with his finger. "Rose, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know. You're always alright," she said with a sigh of resignation. She wished he would just _talk_ to her. Open up to her at least a little about what he was feeling instead of always keeping himself stubbornly closed off. But this was his way, and she didn't see that changing any time soon. Rose gave him a faint smile. "G'night, Doctor."

He smiled briefly in return. "Night, Rose."

The Doctor didn't tell her about the nightmares. He didn't tell her that every time he closed his eyes they began, vexing and relentless. And they weren't just nightmares of the darkness in his past. They were nightmares of the future.

He watched as Rose went to her room and softly closed the door behind her. He felt a small bit of comfort knowing she was here and she was safe. For now. If only she could always be with him and he would always know she was safe. If only a storm wasn't approaching somewhere on the horizon. He had felt that haunting chill down his spine ever since their trip to the London Olympics, and it persisted. He didn't know when and he didn't know where, but he knew that storm was still coming.


	8. Chapter 8

**"The End of Time" gave us a glimpse of Gallifrey in the midst of the Time War, which I used, in part, as a basis for description later in this chapter. **

** This chapter doesn't exactly end on a pleasant note, but I promise an eventual happy ending once we reach the conclusion of this story (there's just going to be a few rough patches along the way).**

* * *

><p>The Doctor and Rose spent the next day together exploring the sights of Kendal they had yet to see during their first week of trying to settle in. It felt like a proper adventure, and for a short while, Rose almost forgot they didn't have the TARDIS. For the Doctor, it was a chance to do what he normally did – take her hand, set off into an adventure of their own making, and distract himself from the things he would rather not have to think about.<p>

Among their various stops, they visited the Abbot Hall Art Gallery and the museum – made all the more interesting by the Doctor giving first-hand accounts of meeting the people behind the history. Even if it did earn them a few sideways glances and curious stares from people nearby who overheard their rather implausible conversations. But that just added to the fun.

They eventually made their way to see the ruins of Kendal Castle which stood atop a lush green hill overlooking the town. The Doctor and Rose had stopped for a late lunch on the way and brought it along with them.

There were few others at the site that afternoon and it felt almost as if they had the place to themselves. After exploring the remains of the ancient stone structure, they found an appropriate spot on the grounds, and the Doctor spread his long coat out on the grass for their make-shift picnic. It was a picturesque sunny day with a light, gentle breeze lazily caressing the air. Reclining there on the ground with the Doctor, just enjoying the day and each other's company, reminded Rose of their trip to New Earth. They might not be lounging on apple grass, but it didn't matter. Rose simply loved being with the Doctor regardless of the location, be it distant planets or northern England.

After they had finished eating their lunch, Rose reclined back on her elbows with her legs stretched out in front of her, while the Doctor sat cross-legged beside her. He began rummaging in his jacket pocket and pulled out a sketch pad and pencil. Rose looked at him curiously as he put the pencil to paper and began to draw.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Sketching the castle," he replied, while he continued to work.

"I've never seen you draw before," Rose mused.

"Oh, I've been known to dabble with it here and there if something of particular interest or beauty strikes my fancy."

"You're certainly a man of many talents," she noted with a grin. He made a sound of agreement.

As the Doctor continued with his sketch, Rose reclined on her back with her hands behind her head, gazing up at the ever-changing shapes of the billowing white clouds against the blue backdrop of the sky as the two of them sat in companionable silence. She closed her eyes then, enjoying the pleasant feel of the warm sun on her face and the sound of the gentle breeze, punctuated by the occasional rustling of paper as the Doctor turned a page and continued to sketch.

After several minutes had passed, Rose opened her eyes and turned her head over to look up at the Doctor. He had a look of intense concentration on his face as he continued his sketching. Occasionally, his eyes would flick from the paper, down to her face, then back again. Rose began to realize what he was doing. He was now sketching her. A blush tinged her cheeks and she began to sit up, but he reached out and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Don't, please," he said softly. "I'm almost finished."

Rose swallowed. She nodded slightly and complied, lying back down again. Rose felt terribly self-conscious beneath his scrutiny, knowing he was examining every millimeter of her features as he studied her face. The look on his face, however, was not that of critical inspection, but that of captivation as his hands traced with delicate precision the planes and curves of her face as he captured this moment of her life to keep with him always.

He finally sat the pencil down and ran his thumb over the sketch to blend and smooth the lines. "There," he spoke, his voice almost a whisper, "all finished."

Rose sat up and looked at the drawing he held in his hands. Her breath caught in her throat. "'S beautiful," she breathed. "More beautiful than me."

The Doctor turned to look at her, his eyes deep with affection, gazing into hers. "You _are_ beautiful, Rose. This doesn't come close to capturing it."

His words left her speechless and she was momentarily unsure of how to even respond. The Doctor rarely spoke in such a way. And if he did, it was usually followed by a glib remark such as, 'for a _human_.'

The breeze had blown a lock of silken blonde hair in her face, and he lifted his hand and gently swept it back, his fingers then lingering on the side of her cheek. Her eyes briefly fell shut as his thumb delicately traced the swell of her cheekbone. Rose silently wished she could live in this moment forever as something precious seemed to pass between them. She opened her eyes again as his hand fell softly back to his side, but his eyes remained on hers. There was so much Rose wanted to say to him in this moment, the words rising in her heart and begging for release.

"_I love you. Let me love you. Let me show you. Let me give you my life for as long as we can have together."_

But the words died silently in her throat. She couldn't say it because she knew he couldn't return those words. Even if there was the chance he felt it too, she knew he could not let himself say it.

So instead, Rose simply uttered "thank you," and her eyes shone with the unspoken love she carried inside for him.

-:-

When they eventually returned to the flat that night, Rose felt as if it had been an almost perfect day. The words she wanted to say may have remained unspoken, but they grew ever stronger in her heart. They said their goodnights, and Rose slipped into her room and settled into bed, and soon drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

The Doctor eventually went to his own room, toed off his trainers, and removed his jacket and tie. He took out the sketch he had made of Rose and ran his hand lightly over the surface before returning it to his pocket. He was unable to voice with words what he felt deep within, and he probably never could; but he hoped in some small way he had been able to show Rose a fraction of what he saw when he looked at her through his eyes – the beauty she had brought into his life at a time when his life had held no beauty at all. She thought the sketch was more beautiful than her, but the Doctor knew that wasn't possibly true. Her light had shone in the darkest reaches of his soul, and to him, there was nothing in all the universe more beautiful than Rose.

The time he had spent with her today had almost allowed him to forget they didn't have the TARDIS to return to. Almost. But the deafening silence in his head had returned now that Rose had gone to bed and he was once again alone with his thoughts, making him acutely aware of his lost connection with his ship. But regardless of his lost psychic link to the TARDIS which had helped to keep his nightmares at bay, the Doctor knew he was going to have to give in and try to get some rest. He couldn't continue on without sleep forever. Trying to evade the nightmares by evading sleep was beginning to take its wearying toll.

The Doctor finished getting undressed, then pulled on a pair of dark blue pajama bottoms. He switched off the lamp on the bedside table, peeled back the covers and settled into bed. The Doctor lay in the dark trying to clear his mind of anxious, restless thoughts and evoke a sense of calm, hoping the nightmares would not haunt his sleep this night.

The nightmares, however, were relentless; and as sleep claimed his body, the darkness claimed his mind.

_Mass screams of terror, pain and anguish tore excruciatingly through his mind. He could not shut it out and he could not look away. There was no escape from this abyss of torment. He watched from above, looking down upon the mighty Citadel of the Time Lords enclosed within a crystal orb, the orb now shattered as thick smoke and billowing flames rose from the city. Dalek ships lay littered on the ground amongst the carnage and rubble. At the very heart of the war, millions were dying every second, with Time itself resurrecting them to find new ways of them dying over and over again. _

_As the Time War raged with all the evil of the universe unleashed, it was no longer just the Daleks slaughtering his people. The Star of Degradations, the Horde of Travesties, the Nightmare Child, the Could-Have-Been-King with his Army of Meanwhiles and Never Weres – the battle literally unleashed hell itself. _

_The Doctor himself fought on the front lines, but then disappeared from the battle because he knew what must be done. The Doctor possessed The Moment. The Time Lords knew of his intentions and informed Lord Rassilon. But the Doctor would not be stopped. _

_He would rather die a thousand deaths than carry out this decision, but there was no other way. He must be the one to bring this horror to an end. But one horror would be traded for another. He must also be the one to bring his own people to an end. He could hear the screaming chant of the Visionary over and over in his mind: _

"_Gallifrey burning!" _

"_Gallifrey falling!"_

_The planet became crimson as flames engulfed his home world and Gallifrey burned. The fire swept across the land, mercilessly destroying everything in its path. The once glorious silver forests now shone the reflection of the rising flames, until they, too, were consumed by the inferno. The unbridled flames then turned to a sea of blood. The blood of his people. The Doctor looked down to see the source of the blood that was consuming his planet. It was coming from his own hands. Blood poured forth from his hands, seeping through his fingers and engulfing his people. _

_The Doctor fell to his knees and wept in bitter anguish. The only desire he had left in his retched existence was to parish with his people. Instead, his punishment was a fate worse than death. He was the one forced to watch as everyone else died. Every last one. Their death brought by his own hand. The taunting words of the Beast in the pit reverberated in his tormented mind again and again and again:_

"_The killer of his own kind."_

_Yet as he wept in seemingly endless agony, a light began to emerge from the midst of the darkness, death and destruction. The light intensified as it approached, drawing nearer and nearer, then came to a stop before him. In the center of the consuming radiance stood a woman. _

_Rose._

_Luminous with Time itself, she raised her hand and swept it across the scene of devastation as she uttered four words in a voice that flowed through his shattered soul like a soothing balm: _

"_The Time War ends."_

_Before her, the Daleks were tiny. She could see the whole of time and space – every single atom of their existence, and she divided them. The Daleks disintegrated away, the carnage faded into nothingness, and quietness descended. She turned her eyes to him, her eyes illuminated with all that is, all that was, all that ever could be. She extended her hands to him and spoke._

"_My Doctor."_

_Now finding strength once again, he reached out towards her and took her hand in his. In that moment, in that glorious moment, he began to live again. Life once again filled the dark void in his soul and his anguish was soothed. Her hand remained in his as they ran with joyous abandon throughout time and space. _

_But a new darkness was coming. A violent storm was approaching. He could see it on the horizon and coming ever closer. It would take her from him. Of that he was certain._

"_The Valiant Child, who will die in battle so very soon."_

_A tumultuous wind began to stir around them until its sheer power lifted Rose and began to drag her away. He gripped her hand as tightly as he could, but her fingers slipped from his, one by one._

"_Rose! Hold on!" he screamed, but it was in vain. He was forced to watch in horror and there was nothing he could do. She was ripped away and pulled into the heart of the storm, vanishing, as he helplessly screamed her name._


	9. Chapter 9

Rose was roused from her sleep by a troubled sound, but in her half-asleep state she didn't process what it was. She stirred slightly and slowly opened her eyes just as she heard it again. It was the Doctor. He was calling her name.

Now fully awake, she flung back the covers as she jumped out of bed and hurried for the door, then quickly crossed the hall to the Doctor's room, following the sound of his distressed voice. Rose hesitated with her hand on the doorknob for only a second before opening his door and stepping inside.

The outside streetlights filtering in through the window cast the room in a muted glow. Rose blinked her eyes in the darkness and could just make out the shadowed form of the Doctor as he thrashed in the bed, his lower body tangled in the sheet. His voice was quieter now, but he was still murmuring her name in such obvious distress that made her heart ache for him.

Rose had never seen the Doctor in such an open, vulnerable state – nor had she ever seen him quite so exposed. He wore pajama bottoms but no shirt, and Rose was momentarily fixed on the sight of his lean, yet muscular bare chest rising and falling rapidly with each heavy breath. But her focus quickly shifted back to the Doctor's state of distress. Rose stepped closer and knelt down beside the bed. A sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead, and she could see his eyes moving rapidly behind his lids. Rose reached her hand forward and gently placed it on the side of his face, his normally cool skin now unusually warm to the touch.

"Doctor," she spoke gently, but this only seemed to heighten his distress as he jerked violently.

"Rose, no!" No, no…," he chanted.

She rose up from her kneeling position and sat beside him on the bed, tucking a leg beneath her as she leaned closer. Rose placed her hand back on the side of his face and called his name more firmly. "Doctor, I'm here."

At that, his eyes flew open and he sat bolt-upright in bed, taking gulping breaths of air as if he'd been drowning. His wide eyes focused on hers for only a second before he reached for her and pulled her to him in an almost crushing embrace. She could feel both his hearts hammering against her own chest.

"Rose. Oh, Rose," he murmured into her hair, and she could tell he was still not fully awake.

Rose returned his embrace and rubbed his back soothingly, stroking up and down over his warm skin while her other hand rested on the back of his head, holding him as he clung to her like a lifeline. "It's okay," she soothed. "I'm here. It was just a dream."

After a moment, she felt his grip on her loosen before his arms went slack and he eased back from her, his breathing beginning to return to normal. Rose withdrew her arms from around him and let her hands come to rest on his forearms. He swallowed thickly, his eyes questioning, a look of uncomfortable vulnerability on his face. She knew he was now fully awake.

"You were having a dream, and you…you were calling me," she explained, now feeling suddenly awkward in their current situation here in his bed. Her eyes fell from his, down to his bare chest as she recalled the sensation of his unclothed skin beneath her fingers, then shifted her eyes off to the side as she felt momentarily uncertain of where to focus.

The Doctor took a ragged breath as he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, then raked his right hand through his hair, moist from sweat. "I'm sorry," he replied, his voice raspy from sleep and from straining to call out. "I didn't mean to wake you, Rose."

"'S okay," Rose replied, then paused. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked tentatively. His eyes snapped up to hers and she immediately had her answer. "Sorry. I just thought…," she trailed off, now feeling even more uncomfortable. Yet Rose was beginning to understand something. This is why he hadn't been sleeping. She looked back up at him. "This isn't the first time you've had these nightmare, is it?" she asked quietly, her eyes searching the darkness within his.

A shadow crossed his face, but he quickly covered it with a faint smile that did not reach his eyes. If possible, it only made his eyes more sorrowful. "Oh, nightmares and I are old acquaintances," he said lightly. "That's what happens when you've lived as long as I have. The things I've seen (_and the things I've done, _he thought, but did not say) are bound to catch up to me from time to time." He gazed off over Rose's shoulder, his eyes distant. "Usually the TARDIS does a good job of chasing away the nightmares. Her telepathic link with me can sense disturbances when I'm in a subconscious state and help to block them." He tapped a finger to his temple. "But my head's just a bit…isolated at the moment."

Rose felt a deep pang of sadness for him. She knew he missed the TARDIS, but she hadn't quite realized the depth of his loss. He was a Time Lord. He was from a race of people who were meant to share a mental connection with each other. With his people now gone, his connection to the TARDIS was all he had left and now he had lost that, too.

More than anything, Rose didn't want him to feel he was alone. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked softly.

He smiled gently. "Thank you, Rose. But no. I'm fine."

Her heart broke for him just a little more at those words. _'Oh, Doctor,'_ Rose inwardly sighed as she briefly closed her eyes. The Doctor would undoubtedly say he was fine even as he drew his final breath upon his deathbed. Surely there was something she could do to help, if only he would _let_ her. Rose bit her lip in hesitation before offering a suggestion. "You said you were connected to the TARDIS…in your head. Could you maybe…I dunno…connect with me somehow? Not like read each other's thoughts or anything," she quickly added. "But just so you could have that awareness of something to help fill the emptiness."

Judging by the look on the Doctor's face, maybe she shouldn't have even suggested it. He looked positively dumbstruck. And it was hard to tell in the dim light, but was he actually…blushing?

The Doctor gaped at her. He opened his mouth in an attempt to speak, but was unsuccessful. Rose obviously had no idea what she was suggesting. She had basically just given him the Time Lord equivalent of a proposal. Although without the sacred ceremonial words as a preface, it was more like she'd just propositioned him.

The Doctor shifted uneasily in the sheets as he tugged on his ear, his eyes deliberately avoiding hers. He cleared his throat. "Er, no, Rose. That wouldn't be…appropriate."

Rose suddenly felt stupid for even having mentioned it. "Sorry," she mumbled, "just tryin' to help."

The Doctor blew out a breath. "I know. And thank you. But I'm fine, really. You should go back to bed and get some sleep," he insisted. "I'm fine, honestly."

Rose exhaled deeply and nodded her head, feeling defeated at not being able to help him. She scooted off the edge of the bed and stood, then headed for the door.

The Doctor was _not_ fine, and she was tired of him always saying that he was when clearly he wasn't. That _I'm always alright _rubbish was really getting old.

Spurred on by those thoughts which suddenly gave her boldness and renewed resolve, Rose swiftly turned back to him.

"You're _not_ alright," she said in a firm tone that challenged him to say otherwise. "So you can stop with that rubbish right now because you're not foolin' anyone. And we can both try to pretend that your nightmare wasn't at least partially about me, but that's pointless because we _both_ know that it was."

Rose walked closer to the bed as she continued speaking. The Doctor's eyes darted from hers, then around the room, looking very much like a cornered animal as she continued to move closer. "So if I was a part of your nightmares," she continued resolutely, "then I'll be a part of making sure they don't return."

Rose came to a stop beside the bed and motioned with her hand as she spoke in a voice that brokered no argument. "Budge up, then."

"What?" he asked in nervous surprise, his voice lilting higher.

"You heard me. Shift."

The Doctor swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing noticeably in his throat. He regarded her warily before he hesitantly complied and scooted over to allow her room.

"Rose, what are you doing?" he questioned, wishing his voice didn't sound quite so high-pitched just now. Although he knew exactly what she was doing. Rose Tyler was getting into his bed. The involuntary thrill that sent down his spine was potentially very dangerous, indeed.

Rose settled down into the bed, then turned on her side to face him. "Chasing away the nightmares," she replied with a soft smile. "If I can't fill the emptiness in your head, then I can at least fill the emptiness in your room – _and in your hearts," _she silently added. The Doctor searched her eyes with uncertainty. "Please," her voice came out in a whisper. "Let me stay with you…just for tonight."

The Doctor's expression was apprehensive, but then seemed to finally give in and relax as he nodded his head almost imperceptibly. He eased himself back down in the bed, drawing the covers up over them both but keeping a space separating them. But then Rose breached the gap as she reached across the expanse between them to take his hand, threading her fingers through his. He turned his head back to her, his eyes softening as he gave her the smallest of smiles.

"G'night, Doctor," Rose whispered as she closed her eyes.

The Doctor gazed at her gentle face on the pillow beside him, and his hearts swelled with emotion as her words echoed back in his mind:

_Chasing away the nightmares._

And she did. He soon drifted off into a much-needed, restful sleep. And this time Rose was not in his nightmares.

But she _was_ in his dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

**Considering Billie Piper's talented voice, I always wished there had been at least one episode that incorporated that element and gave Rose a chance to sing – preferably a love song with the Doctor as her audience. ;) Since I never got that wish, I decided to write that element into this story, while also building a little bit upon Rose's back story. Her past with Jimmy Stone that's alluded to here will be delved into further in an upcoming chapter.**

* * *

><p>Rose woke the next morning as light began to fill the room. She stretched her legs and turned over on her side, her heart skipping a beat as she remembered whose bed she was in. The Doctor's scent encompassed her as she nuzzled closer into the pillow, filling her senses with the intoxicating scent that was undeniably his.<p>

With a touch of disappointment, though not surprise, Rose opened her eyes to find the other side of the bed empty. She had expected as much, really. She knew the Doctor didn't need a full eight hours of sleep, and he probably left the flat to get out and spend some time on his own and process his thoughts, as she often heard him do in the late night or early morning hours. She also knew that although he had agreed to let her stay the night, waking up together would bring a level of intimacy he would undoubtedly feel safer avoiding. Even though it was expected, it was disappointing none the less. Rose leaned up on her elbow and propped her head on her hand as she gazed at his side of the bed. Her thoughts drifted to what it might be like to wake up next to the Doctor, his hair mussed from sleep no doubt making him all the sexier. But with a sigh, she knew it would also just make her long for him all the more, so maybe it was better this way.

Rose wondered if this would ever even be spoken of again, or if, as they often did in such matters, they would simply pretend it didn't happen. But as Rose pushed back the covers and stood up from the bed, her eyes fell upon a note on the bedside table lying beneath the sonic screwdriver.

She took the note in her hand and read the Doctor's words. It simply said "Thank you."

Rose felt a lump form in her throat. Two simple words, yet they held such significance because there was so much more behind these words. Behind them were the words he could not say, but she could feel them none the less. The Doctor never left the sonic behind, but he wanted to be sure she saw this – wanted to be sure she knew. And she did. Even if he couldn't say it, she knew.

-:-

As much as Rose might have wished they could continue with their shared sleeping arrangements, she slept in her own room the following night and the nights there after, and the Doctor's nightmares seemed to have abated. Rose thought he had found a way to manage them on his own, but she didn't know he had been able to do so because of her.

Rose had offered to allow the Doctor to join his mind with hers to ease the emptiness he felt. And while he had not done so in the strictest sense, and he had certainly not _bonded_ his mind to hers, he did allow his mind to reach for hers in the quiet, solitary moments at night when those dark thoughts would once again threaten to overtake him. Allowing himself to feel just the faintest touch of her mind at the very edge of his awareness was enough to hold the nightmares at bay, consoled by the reassurance of her presence.

Later in the week, Rose went to do some marketing. They didn't need much, but they were nearly out of bananas which made the shopping trip a priority. Rose grinned to herself as she walked through town, remembering the Doctor's horrified reaction that morning when she jokingly told him she had eaten the last one. The Doctor was the most brilliant man in the universe, but sometimes he could be such a child. That was just another one of the things she loved about him, though.

Once the shopping was completed, Rose was going to meet the Doctor for lunch. This had become their routine in the afternoons since the Doctor had begun teaching.

The market was within walking distance of the flat – one of the advantages of living in the town center. Rose was almost there when she passed a sign in the window of a local pub that caught her eye. They were hiring. But what they were specifically hiring for caused her pulse to quicken just a little as past buried memories were stirred up inside her.

They were looking for a singer. This was an area where Rose had the ability and the experience. This was also an area where she had troubled memories of the past. Rose had managed to put that particular part of her past behind her and move on. Was that something she could reawaken and bring herself to face again? There was a time when she would have said no. But she was different now. She had changed and grown even stronger than she once had been. And though she had never told the Doctor of this particular part of her past, he was a significant reason why Rose felt she now had the strength and courage to face this again and overcome the memories associated with it. In being with the Doctor, he had shown her she was capable of so much more than she had once given herself credit for. Rose knew she could face down the demons Jimmy Stone had once brought into her life and not let that be a hindrance to her now.

Summoning her confidence and drawing a deep breath, Rose stepped into the pub. It was still relatively early yet, and not many people were inside. She looked around, taking in her surroundings and uncertain of who to approach. A woman began walking towards her. She was about the same age as Rose. Pretty, with medium length brown hair pulled back into a ponytail.

"Would you like a table, Miss, or will you be sitting at the bar?" she asked in a cheery, polite tone.

Rose cleared her throat. "Um, actually, I'm here about the job advertised out front."

"Ah, so you're a singer?" the young woman asked with a smile.

Rose returned her smile. "I've been known to be, yeah," she replied, trying to maintain the courage she felt outside and fighting the urge to turn and back out of this.

"You'll need to talk to Larry, then. He's the owner here and is the one who does the hiring." The woman gazed back over her shoulder and looked around. "I think he's in the back somewhere." She turned back to Rose. "If you'll wait here for just a minute I'll go find him for you."

Rose nodded. "Thank you."

A few minutes later, the young woman returned with a man accompanying her. He was middle-aged and slightly heavy-set. His demeanor seemed approachable, yet also business like.

He extended his hand to Rose. "I'm Larry Donovan," he introduced himself, "and as the name might suggest, the owner of Donovan's."

Rose shook his hand and smiled. "I'm Rose. Rose Tyler."

"So, Sarah here tells me you think you can sing. Question is, can you?" he asked, getting right down to business.

"It's been awhile," Rose replied honestly, "but I think I still have it in me, yeah."

"Well, before you get any starry-eyed ideas, you should know I'm hiring a singer to perform on Friday nights, but the rest of the week they'll be serving tables. So have you got that in you, too?" he asked straightforwardly.

"It's nothing I haven't done before, and I'm not too proud to do it again." Rose replied. "All I ask is you give me a chance. I'm not afraid of hard work."

He looked her up and down appraisingly. "Well, you've got the looks, I'll give you that. Let's see if you've got the talent to go with it." He motioned for a man behind the bar. "Colin," he called, "Come over here a minute, will ya?"

The man from behind the bar made his way over to them. He appeared to be in his mid to late twenties, was good-looking with dark blonde hair, blue eyes and wore an open smile.

"This is Colin Sutton," Mr. Donovan introduced. "And Colin, this is Rose Tyler. She says she can sing and is applying for the position" The two shook hands.

"Well, I just hope you're better than the one who was in here yesterday," Colin said with good-natured humor.

Sarah chuckled, "She was terrible, wasn't she?"

Rose laughed, feeling that nervousness bubbling up once again. "Well, hopefully I at least won't be any worse."

"Colin is the sum total of our current musical entertainment on Friday nights when he's not tending the bar," Mr. Donovan explained.

"I play the keyboard and sing a little, but I can also play bass guitar and I'm not total rubbish on the drums, either," Colin said.

"Sound like you're a one-man-band, then," Rose said with a grin.

Mr. Donovan continued. "I'm experimenting with the idea of having a house band and need more than just Colin, here. But for now it will just be on Friday nights. I'm only going to pay for musicians to come in once a week until I know how well it will go over." He took a step back, crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a challenging grin. "Alright then, Rose Tyler, let's see if you're any good."

Rose's heart began to quicken. She was being honest when she said it had been awhile since she'd done any singing. She just hoped she wasn't too out of practice. Rose had to push down her nervousness as she followed Colin to the small stage area at the back of the room. He asked what song she'd like to sing. Rose gave it a quick thought, then decided on a number. Colin adjusted the microphone for her on the stand, then stepped behind the keyboard and gave her an encouraging smile as he began to play the accompaniment to the song she had decided on for her impromptu audition.

Rose forced aside unpleasant feelings from the past and the memories of Jimmy Stone that were trying to push their way up in her mind, and felt her thoughts begin to focus inevitably on the Doctor as she sang the words to _Something Deep Inside_.

As she finished the song, the small number of patrons in the room broke into applause. Rose stepped down as Mr. Donovan came towards her, smiling broadly, obviously approving of her talent. "Rose Tyler, you've got yourself a job," he announced. "Be here tomorrow at noon to start your first shift. Then you'll rehears later in the day and give your first performance tomorrow night."

Rose was elated. The young woman she had spoken to when she first arrived turned to her and smiled. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," Rose replied with a wide grin.

"I'm Sarah, by the way. Sarah McClellan. I guess we'll be seeing you tomorrow, then."

Rose was still beaming when she stepped back outside. She couldn't wait to tell the Doctor she had found a job. But this meant much more to her than simply finding employment. Not only did she get a job, but she had overcome the memories of a dark part of her past in order to accomplish it. And that was the most rewarding feeling of all.


	11. Chapter 11

The Doctor had stepped into his small office at school to drop off some papers before leaving to meet Rose for lunch. Having to now deal with tedious human tasks such as paperwork was yet another reason why he was counting the days until he and Rose could once again return to the TARDIS and their free-spirited way of life.

The Doctor glanced up from the task as he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called.

Dressed in a fitted fuchsia blouse and black pencil skirt with matching shiny black pumps, Professor Linda Brinkley, a fellow teacher at the school, stepped into his office. She was a very attractive, light brunette in her early thirties...and she'd had her eye on the Doctor from the moment he arrived at the school.

The handsome, charismatic Professor John Smith had not only turned the heads of some of his female students, but a few of the faculty as well. The two of them had said hello to each other many times in passing, but she'd never had a chance to engage the Doctor in longer conversation. She noticed he always seemed in a hurry to leave at the end of the day, and often appeared distracted — like something was always weighing on his mind. Since the opportunity to get to know him more personally had not been given, she decided it was time to take it.

"Professor Smith," she greeted pleasantly as she stepped in.

"Yes?" he replied distractedly, as he stacked the ever-growing number of papers on the desk. He glanced up. "Oh, hello. Professor...Brinkley, isn't it? You teach English in room 118?"

She stepped closer and smiled, delighted he had noticed. "Yes, that's right. And please, Professor Smith, call me Linda."

The Doctor straightened up from the desk. "Very well, Linda. And no need for 'Professor Smith'. You can just call me Do— ...John," he corrected. "You can just call me John."

Her smile grew, a glint forming in her striking, emerald-green eyes. "Thank you, John."

She went on. "I thought it was high time I stopped by and welcomed you to the school properly. Are you enjoying it here so far?"

The Doctor tucked his hands in his pockets and crossed one leg over the other as he leaned casually against the side of the desk. "Oh, I've always enjoyed a bit of teaching here and there."

"Where was your last position?" she inquired.

"I taught physics for a bit at a secondary school in London not too long ago," he replied, leaving out the little detail of blowing up the school in the process. In his defense, he _had_ saved the Earth from the threat of the Krillitanes. "It's actually never permanent, though. Just something I do here and there on the side. I spend most of my time traveling."

"Ah," she said, the glimmer of attraction in her eyes growing brighter, "an adventurer."

He gave a lopsided grin. "That's me. Never stay in one place too long."

She slowly moved a little closer, looking up at him through dark lashes. "Well, maybe you'll find something here that will make you decide to stay," she replied, her voice dipping just a fraction lower as she spoke.

The Doctor took his hand out of his pocket and tugged on his ear, missing the double entendre behind her words, but feeling anxiety over being reminded of his current circumstances. "Actually, Rose and I are only planning to stay in Kendal temporarily. We're just renting a flat for a few months until we...regain our means of travel." His eyes drifted off distantly as he thought, once again, of the TARDIS.

She felt a sudden stab of disappointment at his words — and specifically at the mention of another woman. Apparently she had misread him. He had struck her as single. Linda cleared her throat and forced a smile back to her face. "Oh, I didn't realize you were married," she replied, trying to sound unfazed.

The Doctor's eyes snapped back up to hers, temporarily caught off-guard by the assumption. "Oh, no, no...I'm not...that is, Rose and I aren't married," he corrected. "She and I are…well…we're…," he trailed off then, a slight frown creasing his brow as he found himself unable to put into words exactly what Rose was to him. And how could he explain it? Rose meant more to him than he could ever put into simple words. "She's my…companion," he finally finished, settling on a word that still didn't come close to being adequate.

Linda began to feel more and more encouraged as he spoke. Maybe he wasn't so unattainable after all. Whenever a man struggled to even say what the woman in his life was to him, she took that as a sign that the relationship could not be very strong. Thus encouraged, she continued on.

"Oh, I see," she replied, trying not to look as pleased as she now felt. She cleared her throat, switching the topic off the other woman and back to herself. "I was wondering, John, if you might like to join me for a bite to eat."

"Ah, that's kind of you to offer," the Doctor replied, "but I was actually just getting ready to go meet Rose for lunch."

She nodded, her eyes narrowing slightly at the mention of the other woman's name again, but keeping her tone falsely pleasant. "Oh, yes, of course. Well, perhaps some other time, then."

The Doctor thought about it for a moment, then made an offer. "Actually, why don't you come join us? Since we haven't been here very long, Rose hasn't really gotten to know anyone else yet, and I'm sure she'd be happy to meet you," he said brightly. The Doctor was, as of yet, unaware of her designs on him and simply thought, _the more the merrier!_

A hint of a smile began to curl at her full lips. This wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind, but it _would_ give her a chance to size-up the competition. "Yes, that sounds lovely," she agreed.

-:-

Rose hurried through town to meet the Doctor at their usual chippy. She was anxious to tell him her news about getting a job. He was already waiting there when she arrived, seated at an outside table. He had taken the liberty of ordering for her, already knowing what she wanted. He stood to greet her as she approached, and in her excitement, Rose failed to notice the other woman seated at the table he had just stood from.

"Doctor, guess what," she said excitedly as she rushed up to him, "I found a job."

"Oh, I knew you would," he said proudly, as he gave her a congratulatory hug.

It was then Rose noticed over his shoulder the woman seated behind him at the table, who then stood and came closer. The Doctor released Rose, then turned to introduce her to the woman who had accompanied him.

"I'd like you to meet someone. Rose, this is Linda Brinkley," he introduced cheerfully. "She teaches English down the hall from me."

Rose felt a tiny stab of jealously as she greeted the attractive woman the Doctor had brought with him. She hadn't been expecting this. Rose quickly shook aside the feeling, though. She was simply one of the Doctor's colleagues. "It's nice to meet you," Rose said politely as she shook Linda's perfectly manicured hand.

"Likewise," Linda replied with false civility as she lifted her chin and seemed to give Rose an appraising look.

Rose was trying to be polite, but there was something about this woman she just didn't like. And she seemed to be looking at Rose with concealed derision.

The three sat down together, Linda beside the Doctor and Rose across from them.

"So, tell me about this job," the Doctor said eagerly as he took a bite of his food.

Rose suddenly felt less enthusiastic about it than she had just moments ago, due to the presence of the other woman currently seated at their table. Linda was well-educated and had a good career. Rose knew she shouldn't let herself feel this way, but she couldn't help but think that saying she had a job in a pub would sound lowly by comparison — at least in front of this woman.

Not only that, but telling him the details of her new job might inevitably lead to her telling him some of the details of her past; and if and when that time came, that was _not_ something she was going to discuss in front of anyone else.

She waved it off. "Oh, I'll...tell you about it later. You have a guest, and I don't want to bore her with the details."

The Doctor didn't understand her reluctance, but he let it drop.

Over the course of lunch, Rose found herself feeling like the third wheel. The Doctor and Linda were engaged in a lively conversation about language and literature, and laughing about things Rose was certain one would need to have an understand of Latin in order to find humorous.

Rose had never once felt looked down upon by the Doctor for her somewhat limited education. He didn't judge a person's intelligence by whether or not they had their A-Levels. But Rose inadvertently found herself beginning to feel inferior to the woman across the table.

Linda Brinkley's intentions towards the Doctor had also not escaped Rose's notice. The attraction was clearly evident in her eyes as she gazed at him lustfully, and in the way she placed her hand on his arm and leaned in closer whenever she laughed at a particularly witty remark he made. Which was quite often, actually.

Whether the Doctor was aware of it or not, Rose wasn't sure. It certainly wasn't the first time he had turned the head of another woman, and Rose knew it probably wouldn't be the last. He was a people person. The Doctor just had a way about him that drew people to him. And it didn't hurt that he was also gorgeous and tended to be a bit of a flirt, whether it was always intentional or not.

But Rose assured herself it didn't mean anything. After all, knowing the Doctor may never allow himself to be involved more intimately with her was a bit of small comfort in knowing the same undoubtedly applied to anyone else. But still, when you're hopelessly in love with a man, it isn't easy watching other women fall all over him, be it French courtesans or English teachers.

Linda finally glanced down at her watch. "We better be getting back," she told the Doctor.

"I suppose so," the Doctor agreed as they both stood.

"It was lovely to meet you, Rose" Linda said, her insincere politeness barely covering her true feelings.

Rose forced a smile. "Yeah, you too."

"I'll see you later, Rose," the Doctor said warmly.

Rose smiled again and nodded. Her smile faded as she watched them go, Linda hanging on his arm and smiling wantonly up at him. She might be a teacher, but she most certainly was not the bookish type. Rose knew _exactly_ the type Linda seemed to be and thought she had probably missed her calling. Rose stuffed another chip in her mouth, then somewhere in the back of her mind could hear Mickey advising her to go easy on the chips. She could just picture Mickey right now doing his _I was right_ dance about the Doctor being just another bloke.

And to think she had been worried about how the Doctor would handle being forced to live life on Earth, Rose thought to herself wryly as the fading laughter of the Doctor and Linda echoed off into the distance. Apparently he was adjusting just fine.


	12. Chapter 12

**The series didn't tell us much about Rose's past with Jimmy Stone, other than she left school because of him and obviously regretted it. I wanted to explore some of those possible details. **

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><p>Later that evening after having had time to process it, Rose had gotten past her feeling of jealously over Linda Brinkley. Regardless of the woman's intentions towards the Doctor, Rose was quite certain it didn't mean anything to him. What Rose and the Doctor had between them ran intensely deep, even if it could never be voiced with words or released in heated passion. No one could ever change what they had between them – this unspoken yet tangible force connecting them and almost frightening at times in its intensity. Rose felt secure in believing nothing could change that.<p>

After having time to think it through, Rose had also chastised herself for letting Linda make her feel in any way inferior. Education level and job status are not the things that make a person who they are inside. She may have grown up on a council estate and lacked a higher education, but that was not what defined her worth. And she also knew no one would agree with that more than the Doctor.

For dinner that night Rose had decided to order curry take-out and was just setting it out on the table when the Doctor arrived. He entered the flat and closed the door behind him. A warm smile spread across his face as his eyes met hers, further solidifying her conclusion that the two of them were unshakable – Linda Brinkley or no.

"Hello," he greeted, as he shrugged out of his long brown coat and tossed it over the back of the couch, as had become his routine.

"Hey," Rose replied, smiling back at him as she set the food out on the table, then went back into the kitchen to get some drinks.

Rose was ready to tell the Doctor about her new job, but she had been struggling with whether or not to tell him that she had sang in the past – and specifically the details of what had occurred back then. Her history with Jimmy Stone was not one she was proud of. Back in her early days with the Doctor, Rose had been afraid that he would eventually learn of it and be disappointed in her. But she knew him well enough now to know he would never condemn her for mistakes of the past – he of all people. But that didn't mean it would be an easy thing to dredge up and talk about.

Yet even though Rose knew discussing it would not be pleasant, she decided it was time to open up to him about this. So many times she wished the Doctor would open up to her more, and Rose realized she shouldn't expect something from him that she wasn't willing to do herself.

As they sat down to eat, the Doctor looked at her expectantly. "So," he began, "are you going to tell me about this job of yours?"

Rose nodded as she took a sip of her drink. "You know Donovan's pub? It's just a few streets from here, actually. We've passed it several times before."

The Doctor paused in thought. "I think so, yeah."

"Well, I was passing by today on my way to the market, and I saw a sign that said they were hiring. So I stopped in to ask about it, and I got the job."

"Good for you," he said enthusiastically, not looking down on the position at a pub in the least. Rose was one of the most brilliant women he had ever known, regardless of what jobs she had held or qualified for. It made no difference to him.

Rose cleared her throat, starting to feel a little anxious about where this conversation would eventually go. "I won't just be serving drinks and waiting tables, though," she continued. "They were looking for someone who could sing, too."

The Doctor looked at her inquisitively. "You can sing?" he asked, not questioning her ability but just curious. "I don't think I've ever heard you sing before," he mused.

Rose glanced down and pushed around at the food on her plate with her fork, not really focused on eating at the moment. "I haven't sung in a while, but it's something I used to do…before." She took a deep breath, then lifted her eyes to look back up at him. "Doctor, there's something I've never talked about – something that happened in my past."

His face was open and encouraging, and Rose knew she could finally open up about this. "I used to love to sing, for as far back as I can remember. I always sang in the choir at school and even entered some talent competitions. I dreamed that I might even become a professional singer and one day be famous." Rose laughed slightly and shook her head, remembering the innocence of her youthful ambition. "Then when I was sixteen, I was in a singing event for local talent in London when I met this boy. Jimmy Stone."

Rose swallowed thickly. She had not spoken that name out loud in a long time and she didn't like the taste of it on her tongue. Even though Rose felt like she had finally put the past behind her, she was still finding these memories difficult to dig up, but she continued on.

"He was eighteen and had dropped out of school the year before to start up a band with his mates. We started dating after we met, and it wasn't long before he asked me to join his band. Mum, of course, wouldn't hear of it. She wasn't too keen on Jimmy as it was and said she wasn't gonna have me leave school and end up like him." Rose took a deep breath before forging ahead. "But I was young and stupid and thought he could give me everything I ever wanted. And I thought I loved him," she added quietly.

The Doctor continued to listen, allowing her to say as little or as much about this as she wanted. He wouldn't push her to keep going if she wasn't comfortable talking about this. But Rose wanted him to finally know this part of her past.

Rose summoned her resolve to keep going. "So without telling Mum, I just left school and went with him. And it was everything I hoped it would be for about all of two weeks. We traveled about, played in clubs here and there. It was exciting and what I thought I wanted. I never called Mum, but I sent her letters so she would know I was alright. I told myself that once I had made it and was successful then she'd see I'd done the right thing." Rose laughed mirthlessly. "But it wasn't long before reality hit. Instead of the life of glamour and fame I had pictured, I soon realized being with him was nothin' more than a world of alcohol and drugs and Jimmy going after any girl that caught his eye," she said, with bitter regret lacing her tone.

"I knew I'd made a huge mistake, and I regretted it. I wanted out. I wanted to go back home, but I didn't think I could. I didn't think I could face Mum after what I'd done. And Jimmy knew that. He knew I had nowhere else to go, and he reminded me of that all the time – holding that over me. He started to become verbally abusive – especially when he'd been drinking. He made me feel like I was just…nothing."

The Doctor could feel the anger rising up in him at the thought of anyone treating Rose like that. His jaw was tight and his fist involuntarily clenched on his thigh, but he remained quiet and let her continue.

Rose's face darkened. "I hated it. I hated the life I had gotten myself trapped in. Then one night after we finished playing at a club, I saw Jimmy leave with a girl he'd been talking to earlier. I couldn't take it anymore. I learned a little too late that Jimmy didn't love me and he never had. I also realized that Mum _did_, and she always would no matter what. Later that night I went back to the motel we were staying at and started packing my things. I had just enough money for bus fare, and I was going home. I was ashamed to face Mum after the way I'd left the month before, but I couldn't stay with Jimmy another minute."

Rose looked away from him then, her voice breaking slightly as she spoke the next words. "But I didn't leave quite soon enough. Jimmy came back and found me packing. He was either drunk or high or both, and he flew into a rage." Rose felt her chest tighten as she re-lived the memory.

A knot formed in the pit of the Doctor's stomach as he dreaded what he feared would come next. He reached across the table and placed his hand on Rose's arm, drawing her eyes back to his. A part of him didn't want to know this, but at the same time he felt he needed to know. "Did he hurt you, Rose?" he asked slowly, his throat painfully tight as he fought to keep his voice steady.

His hearts clenched in his chest as she nodded a silent yes.

Rose felt tears stinging her eyes, and she closed them shut against the memory of that night. When she opened them again, she looked at the Doctor, whose own darkened eyes reflected a torrent of emotions – fury at the man who had dared to hurt her and sorrow that she'd had to experience it. "But it wasn't as bad as it could have been," Rose said, feeling a measure of relief that things that night had not been even worse. "I fought him off as best I could, and there was such a commotion that the manager of the motel came and was able to stop him." She paused and took a breath. "I ended up in the hospital with some injuries and mostly some really bad bruises but nothing more serious. Jimmy got off pretty light, but last I heard he'd been arrested again for assault and drug possession." Rose shook her head in revulsion. "I don't know how I could have ever gotten mixed up with someone like that."

The wind that heralded the Oncoming Storm was beginning to blow. The Doctor could feel rage boiling up inside him when Rose told him how she had been hurt. Maybe it was a good thing he didn't have the TARDIS because right now he wanted nothing more than to find this Jimmy Stone and make him loathe the day he was even born. How anyone could lay so much as a finger on Rose, _his_ Rose (and at the moment, he was beyond caring about the gravity of thinking of Rose in that way), was completely beyond him. He felt a fierce need to protect her even more and not let anything or anyone hurt her ever again. The need to keep her safe had always been strong within him. He had even once made the heartrending decision to send her away from him in order to protect her. He knew that if ever faced again with that decision, even if it tore him in two, he would do it again if he had to. Whatever it took, he would always make sure she was safe.

The Doctor moved his hand from her arm and covered her hand that rested on the table as he spoke. "Rose, I… Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry." He felt his words were woefully inadequate, but he didn't know what else to say.

Rose gave him a small smile. "It's okay. It could have been much worse. Mum came straight away and brought me back home. I thought she'd be so angry at me but she wasn't. All she did was love me and help me move past it. She never once made me feel ashamed for what had happened, and neither did Mickey. Me an' him had always been friends, but we started dating a little while after that. I finished school then got a job working in a shop. And then I thought that was it. I didn't think there would ever be anything more for me in life." Rose looked from their joined hands up to him, her eyes warm and shining. "But then I met a man who showed me there could be _so_ much more."

The Doctor swallowed heavily and opened his mouth to speak. "Rose, you're…," he broke off and looked away, unable to voice what he really wanted to say. But then he turned his eyes back to hers, determined to say it. It wasn't _everything_ he wanted to say, but he hoped it was enough. "Rose, you're the one…the one who's shown _me_...after the War…that there was still wonder and splendor and beauty left in the universe. And I know that because I've seen it through _your_ eyes. And without you it would just…" He trailed off then, further words failing him. _Oh, she knows_, once again repeated in his mind. And he hoped she did know, even if he couldn't say.

Rose turned her palm up and laced her fingers through his, squeezing gently. "It's okay. I know," she spoke softly, as if reading his thoughts.

He smiled tenderly in return, their hands still joined together and both of them content to stay just like that. "Rose, are you sure this is something you want to do again?" he asked, concerned that taking a job singing would cause her to re-live too many painful memories and emotions.

Rose nodded, her eyes steadfast. "I'm sure," she said confidently. "When I got up there and sang today it felt like a weight lifted – like I'd finally put the past completely behind me. I know I can do this. I _want_ to do this."

Rose let out a breathless laugh. "I am a little nervous, though. It's all happening so fast. I sing for the first time tomorrow night!" Rose bit her bottom lip as she glanced down, then raised her eyes back to his. "Would you…would you want to come?"

The slow, gorgeous smile that spread across his face – the one she liked to think he reserved only for her – caused Rose's heart to soar and her stomach to flip-flop.

"Rose Tyler, I wouldn't miss it for the world."


	13. Chapter 13

**A HUGE thanks once again to everyone who has read and reviewed thus far! Your encouragement keeps me inspired. **

**And also a very special thanks to A Who Down In Whoville for the song suggestion which is the perfect ending to the chapter. Thank you, Who! And thanks also to Angelic Toaster and Cruentus Meretrix for the additional suggestions sent my way for Rose's repertoire. Due to site regulations, they are not posted in this edited version of the chapter here, but are included in the full chapter which is posted on my account at **_**A Teaspoon and an Open Mind**_** (whofic).**

**After this chapter, we move ahead in the story and finally begin to shake things up between these two. ;)**

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><p>Rose was eager to start her first day of work at Donovan's. Since she would be singing that night, the first part of her shift was spent with Colin going over the songs that would be performed. It was going to be a passionate and flirtatious line-up, and she couldn't help but picture what it would be like to sing such words in front of the Doctor.<p>

Rose had been so busy working that first day that she didn't have a chance to meet the Doctor for lunch. When Rose did get a break, she and Sarah went together to grab a bite to eat at the café around the corner. The two were able to get to know each other a little better as they chatted over lunch.

"So, you're not from Kendal, are you?" Sarah asked in a thick Northern brogue once they'd sat down with their food. "I'd say London, judging by the accent."

Rose chuckled. "Yeah. I grew up on a council estate in south London."

"Do you have any family here?"

Rose shook her head. "No. There's just my mum. She's still in London. But we're sort of…out of touch at the moment." Rose felt a pang of sadness as she thought about not being able to see or talk to her mum.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Sarah replied empathetically. "Mum and I haven't been close in years. Not since she left my dad."

"No, it's not like that," Rose corrected. "Mum and I are close. Things are just…well, kind of difficult right now," she finished vaguely.

Sarah just nodded and decided not to press it. "How long have you been in Kendal?"

Rose took a sip of her tea, then lowered the steaming beverage, nursing the mug in her hands. "About two weeks. I spent a lot of time…traveling before coming here. But this isn't permanent. The Doctor and I only plan to stay for a few months before we start traveling again. We're just renting a flat temporarily."

"The Doctor?" Sarah questioned, sounding a little puzzled.

"Oh, well, that's just sort of…his nickname." Rose chuckled and cleared her throat. "John. John Smith. He teaches math at a nearby school."

Rose was used to people questioning his name being simply _The Doctor_, but it never really mattered before. Now that they were staying somewhere for a longer period of time and trying to blend in with the locals, Rose had to get used to calling him by his pseudonym to avoid awkward explanations.

Sarah continued the conversation as she took a bite of her pasta salad. "So, are you two married, then?"

Rose flushed. Just the suggestion of being the Doctor's wife made her stomach flutter pleasantly. But the feeling was soon replaced by disappointing reality knowing _that_ was something that would never happen. "No, we're just…" Rose faltered. It would sound strange to say they were simply friends since she had just told Sarah they lived together. And they _weren't_ just simply friends, were they? It went so much deeper than that. But it was hard to put it into words when explaining their relationship to someone else. "It's…I suppose you could say complicated," Rose finished, deciding complicated definitely described it.

Sarah nodded sagely. "Oh, I think I know what you mean. He's the 'fear of commitment' type, yeah?"

Rose let out a soft laugh. "S'pose you could say that."

"Give it time. He just might surprise you," Sarah encouraged. "Take me and my husband, Michael. We were school sweethearts…dated for years. But I didn't think he'd ever get around to asking me to marry him. I finally accepted that he just wasn't the marrying kind. But then one day, out of the blue, we're sitting there on the couch watching telly, then the next thing I know he's turning to me during the commercial and asking me to be Mrs. Michael McClellan!" She laughed. "Not exactly the proposal I had always envisioned, but it didn't matter. I was too happy to care whether or not it was a fairytale moment with him down on one knee. All that mattered was that he was finally asking. We've been married almost eight months now."

Rose appreciated the encouragement, but when she said things between her and the Doctor were complicated, Sarah didn't quite grasp the magnitude of that statement. Rose thought about switching the subject. The two of them had only just met the day before, and the conversation was getting a bit personal. But she felt a genuine friendship forming between them, and it felt refreshing to have someone else to talk to for a change about her relationship with the Doctor – even if Rose couldn't tell her all of the specifics.

Rose half-smiled. "Well, I don't think that will ever happen for me and him," she said wistfully. "It's not just a fear of commitment. He…," Rose drew a deep breath. "He had a family once before, and he lost them. They all died," Rose said quietly as she dropped her gaze down to the table. "I don't think he could allow himself to have that again – to put himself in the position to feel that kind of pain."

Sarah could see in Rose's eyes that what she and the Doctor had between them must truly be special. "But you still stay with him," she said gently. "Even if he could never give you that."

"Yeah," Rose breathed, "I stay with him. And I always will."

Sarah took a sip of her tea and smiled. "Well, this Doctor John Smith of yours must really be something."

Rose's eyes sparkled. "Oh, you have no idea! I've only known him over two years, but it feels like he's always been a part of my life. We spend our life traveling from once place to the next – it's mad and wonderful. But it's not just the amazing things he's shown me on our travels. It's the way he's shown me how to live life. He's shown me that there's just so much _more_."

"Is he going to come tonight?" Sarah asked, now eager to meet this man who sounded so captivating.

Rose smiled. "Yeah, he is."

"I can't wait to meet him. _Although_…," Sarah gave Rose a teasing smirk, "I know one person who's going to be disappointed."

Rose furrowed her brow, not catching her meaning. "What'd you mean?"

"Colin," Sarah replied knowingly. "I saw the way he was lookin' at you today."

Rose felt slightly flattered if it were true, but she also felt a sense of dread. Colin was nice, but she wasn't interested in having a relationship with anyone else. And the last thing she needed in her life right now was more complications.

Rose laughed. "Don't be daft! We've only just met. We both share an interest in music, that's all."

"Ah, but that has been the basis of many a great romances," Sarah teased. "But don't worry. I've known Colin for a while and he's a really nice bloke. As soon as he knows about John he won't try to pursue anything with you."

Rose hoped Sarah was right and she and Colin could just be friends without anything becoming awkward.

-:-

Late that afternoon, the sound equipment was being set up on the stage as Colin introduced Rose to the other musicians who had arrived – Steven on the drums and Gary playing bass.

Colin chatted with Rose as she finished a sound check of the microphone. He wasn't usually the type to ask a woman out after having just met so soon, but there was just something about Rose. She was certainly attractive, but she also had such an engaging personality that he was drawn to. He hoped they could at least become good friends if nothing more.

"So," he eventually began, "I was just wondering, since you're new here and all, maybe you'd like to go out sometime? I could show you around town."

So Sarah had been right after all. Rose had come to really like Colin in the short amount of time they had spent together. He was genuinely a nice guy and also quite good-looking. She could see him as the sort of man she would be interested in _if_ she had never met the Doctor. But now she could never see herself with anyone else. How could she explain that she was taken, even though her relationship with the Doctor had never progressed to what could be considered a romantic relationship – and for all she knew maybe it never would? Yet she _was_ taken. Her heart belonged to the Doctor. Always had and always would.

"Colin, it's nice of you to ask, and I appreciate the offer. But–"

"There's someone else," he concluded with a disappointed chuckle. "I should've known."

Rose bit her bottom lip. Here was that word again. "It's sort of…complicated. But yeah, there is."

He nodded, now feeling a little awkward. He hoped Rose didn't think he was the type that would continue to push it, and they could still be friends. "I didn't mean that you and I had to…that is…just as friends. If you'd like to go out sometime just as friends, you _and_ him, the offer still stands."

Rose smiled, feeling relieved. "I'll keep that in mind."

-:-

Later that evening, Rose had changed into a black skirt that hit just above the knee and a burgundy, spaghetti-strap camisole with a matching, sheer three-quarter sleeve blouse over top. Her hair was twisted in a loose chignon with a few golden strands framing her face. Rose stood off to the side, nervously scanning the crowd for the Doctor as she got ready to take the stage.

"Good luck," Sarah came up and offered. "I know you'll be great."

"Thanks, Sarah," Rose replied. Her attention then shifted as her eyes fell upon the Doctor walking in. She had told him when to arrive and he was right on time. He was wearing his usual brown pinstriped suit with a dark blue shirt that highlighted the colored pattern in his tie. His appearance was as it had always been, but Rose didn't think there would ever be a time when setting her eyes on him didn't make her breath catch.

Sarah followed Rose's line of sight to the tall, handsome man at the far end of the room. "Is that him?" she asked.

"Yeah," Rose replied a bit breathlessly, feeling the adrenaline from getting ready to take the stage – and knowing the Doctor would be a part of the audience.

Sarah leaned in closer. "He's gorgeous," she remarked.

"Yes, he is," Rose agreed with a wide grin. Then she turned to Sarah. "And he knows it, too. So don't go feeding his ego." They both laughed.

"I'll see that he gets a good seat," Sarah assured her with a wink as Rose turned to head up on stage.

The Doctor had caught sight of Rose as she took the stage and didn't notice the woman approaching him.

"John?" she asked.

"Hmm?" he replied absently, then he turned his head to her. "Oh, yes, sorry. That's me!"

"I'm Sarah," she greeted as she held out her hand.

He shook her hand. "John Smith."

"Rose has been expecting you. If you'll follow me this way, I have a table for you up front."

He nodded. "Thank you."

The Doctor was seated up close as the lights in the room dimmed and Rose took center stage. There was a large crowd that night and all eyes were on her. But Rose's eyes were focused on only one.

The band began to play. As the beat of the music filled the room, Rose stepped up to the microphone on cue and began singing the soulful words of a love song as her eyes locked with the Doctor's and they held each other's gaze.

After telling him of her past experience singing, the Doctor expected Rose to have talent, but what he heard blew him away. She was phenomenal. He had never been more captivated by her than he was in this moment as she stood, gorgeous and confident, singing with passion.

Rose always got a thrill when she stood up to sing, but what she was feeling now was altogether different. Everyone else in the room just seemed to fade. Her only awareness was of the Doctor. Somewhere in the back of her mind Rose knew she should let her eyes drift through the audience as she performed, but that seemed an impossibility. She couldn't take her eyes off him as she sang. Her heart now hammering in her chest seemed louder that the beat of the music. Passion and desire rose up within her as she gazed intently into his penetrating eyes. He held her eyes with equal intensity and did not once look away as she sang words of love and passion – things she had never dared utter to him before no matter how much she wanted to. But now in this way she _could_. This was no longer about giving a performance. These words were for him and him alone as she stood before him and poured out her soul – both in the words flowing from her lips and the love passing from her eyes into his. The intensity of this moment was unlike any she had experienced, and she knew the Doctor could feel it too.

What the Doctor could feel was his resolve weakening with every breath he took. He had no idea this would have such an effect on him. But this was Rose, singing of love while looking into his soul. He could feel the walls around his hearts beginning to crumble, despite the efforts he had put into keeping them there. The walls he had erected in a futile attempt to keep himself from getting too close to Rose. But he knew deep down from the moment he met her that it was a lost cause. Rose had awakened things inside him that he had _never_ felt before. It was terrifying and it was powerful.

The song softly faded as the next one began, and the two remained riveted on each other.

Oh, he was done for.

He knew now that it was only a matter of time before he lost this battle. Before he lost himself to Rose completely. This pink and yellow human was going to be this Time Lord's undoing. Of that much he was certain.


	14. Chapter 14

**Things between the Doctor and Rose are about to reach a turning point; but of course, it's never smooth sailing for these two. **

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><p>The weeks continued to pass and soon turned into months. The Doctor and Rose had been living this life in Kendal now for almost three months. Something between the two of them had undeniably shifted. Rose could feel it. She could pinpoint every moment that brought them a little closer together since embarking on this domestic life with its unavoidably intimate moments. Those moments that come when living so closely with someone you feel so strongly towards. But as Rose could feel them getting closer and closer, she could also feel the Doctor straining, putting more and more effort into staying within those invisible lines drawn between them.<p>

Rose wished with every fiber of her being that the Doctor could just allow himself to let go. Let go of his fear of loss and embrace what they _could_ have – right here, right now. And yet, Rose knew deep down that she could push him to do that. He was already at the edge now. So very close. She could feel it. Just a little more and he would break.

But Rose did not want to _break_ him; he had already been broken by loss and grief and pain. No, she wanted to _heal_ him. She wanted to love him. She wanted to give him the kind of undying love that would stay within him forever – long after she was gone. But if the Doctor was going to allow himself to let go, then he would have to make the decision willingly. Rose was not going to push him to do so. She did not want him to ever have regrets about anything that happened between them. And so, their relationship remained in this continual holding-pattern, never taking that final step forward.

In a little over a month they would be back in the TARDIS again. And while Rose was anxious to resume their life of travel once more, she also knew it would mean a return to the way things had been. It would be so much easier to keep more distance between the two of them – physically and emotionally – once they were out of this tiny flat. They would constantly be on the move from one adventure to the next, making their feelings for each other easier to outrun.

And maybe it was better that way, Rose resignedly conceded. If she and the Doctor could never be more than friends, at least on the outside, if she were only able to love him from a distance, then maybe it was best to have that means of constant distraction. Because being this close, yet no closer, was slowly driving her mad.

But she wasn't the only one. The Doctor was finding it harder and harder to maintain that distance with Rose. Holding hands, sharing hugs, spending evenings together curled intimately close on the couch as they watched TV – it was all becoming too much, yet at the same time not enough. Not nearly enough. Not by far. Yet every time he would feel his resolve beginning to slip and start thinking of the reasons why he and Rose _should_ be together as so much more than friends – why it felt so right – he would then be painfully reminded of all the reasons why it could never be. He would lose her, yes. And all too soon. Even if he managed to protect her from the approaching storm and whatever else the universe threw their way and Rose were to live a long human life, he would still inevitably lose her and one day be alone once again.

But would it be worth it?

Would having Rose completely – no matter how relatively brief – be better than keeping her at a distance and not having her at all? Something deep within him wanted desperately to scream _YES_. But whenever he started letting himself think that maybe, _just maybe,_ he could and _should_ give in to his hidden desires, he felt shame for even considering it. How could he let himself be with Rose knowing the darkness that was within him? She didn't know, not really. She had not witnessed the things he had done – the unfathomable death and destruction that had come from his own hand. There was_ so_ _much_ blood on his hands. How could he taint her with his sins? How could he get close enough to allow her to truly see? The deciding thought keeping him from her and resounding bitterly within the Doctor was that Rose deserved far better than him.

-:-

It was now nearing the end of yet another week. The Doctor sat in his small office marking papers from a test he'd given that morning while he waited for Rose to arrive. She was going to meet him at the school and then they would go to get lunch.

He was nearly done with the task when he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," he called without looking up. "I'm almost finished, Rose." He then glanced up from the papers. "Ah, Linda," he amended, "I thought you were Rose."

Linda pushed the door nearly closed behind her and stepped closer as he put the last paper aside, removed his glasses and stood from his desk. There seemed to be something different in her demeanor, he noted; more intensity in her gaze.

"I'm _not_ Rose," she replied, saying the name with visible disdain.

"No, you're not," the Doctor agreed, now eyeing her pensively.

Over the past few months Linda had observed the way the Doctor behaved whenever she saw him with Rose. She could sense something just below the surface – like he was holding himself back with Rose. Linda wasn't quite sure why that was or what exactly was going on (or not going on) between the two of them, but she saw it as her clear opportunity. She had set her sights on Doctor John Smith, and she was a woman who was used to getting what she desired – especially where men were involved. She'd gone after men in the past and gotten what she wanted, only to deem them not good enough for her in intelligence or attraction once she inevitably tired of them. The Doctor, however, was clearly different. She wanted this one more than any other and she'd been patiently planning her seduction.

At first, Linda had been doing her level best to get the Doctor to be the one to make a move. She made excuses to come see him in his office, joined him for lunch on many occasions when Rose wasn't able to make it, and even went so far as to ask the Doctor out – which much to her infuriation was met with the Doctor's reply of saying he would get back to her and let her know after he'd asked Rose if she would like to come. She flirted with him openly and thought on many occasions he had flirted back. But she came to realize that maybe it was just part of his charismatic personality and didn't actually have anything to do with _her_ at all.

Well, it was time to find out. She was done playing at this. If her intentions had not been clear before, they were certainly going to be.

Unbeknownst to the Doctor and Linda, Rose had arrived at the school and was heading down the hall to the Doctor's office. She came to a stop outside the partially-closed door to wait when she heard the Doctor was in the middle of speaking to someone. It was then Rose realized that _she_ was the one being spoken about. Ordinarily she wouldn't listen in on someone else's conversation, but considering she was the topic of this particular discussion, Rose decided that changed the ground rules just a bit.

"Tell me," Linda began as she moved closer to him, "what exactly is it that you see in her?"

The Doctor narrowed his gaze, trying to decipher where exactly she was leading with this. He had a pretty fair idea. It hadn't taken long for him to catch on to her intentions towards him, though he hadn't reciprocated or paid it much mind.

"I'm sorry?"

"Rose," she clarified. "She's simple. Common. A tawdry south Londoner who works in a pub and wouldn't know Dickens from Shakespeare." Linda chuckled derisively as she continued to slowly advance upon the Doctor as if she were stalking her prey.

Actually, thought Rose from outside the door as she overheard the biting comment, yes, she would. Considering she had actually _met_ Dickens. She wasn't surprised to hear Linda Brinkley taking cheap shots at her. The woman's attitude towards her _and_ Linda's intentions towards the Doctor had been clear to Rose from the first day they met.

Rose was about to step away. This wasn't worth hearing or getting upset over. But something in her wanted to hear Linda taken down a peg or two as the Doctor no doubt came to her defense against Linda's mocking remarks.

Linda continued her slow, deliberate advance, not stopping until she was directly in front of the Doctor and seriously encroaching upon his personal space. "But you and I are different. We are so much better than all of these…average people around us. You need someone who understands you and can actually appreciate your intelligence. You may have had some fun with that blonde bit of skirt you picked up on your travels, but you have no idea how much pleasure you _could_ be having. Let's face it, John," she continue, a seductive smile playing across her lips, "Rose just _isn't_ your type."

The Doctor regarded her steadily for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he replied. "You're right. Rose isn't my type."

Outside the door, his words hit Rose like a physical blow. She could scarcely believe what she had just heard. So after everything she thought they meant to each other, _this_ is what the Doctor truly thought of her? Rose's mind was reeling and she didn't even know what to think right then, but she decided she had heard enough and couldn't bear to hear anymore. Rose turned and hurried back down the hall, just missing the Doctor's words that came next.

The Doctor spoke with fierce conviction. "Rose is among the most amazing, brilliant, compassionate women I have ever known. She has saved me so many times and in _so_ many ways. Ways that you couldn't possibly understand. She is everything I could never be, and more than I could ever deserve to have." The Doctor's eyes were pained as he thought of everything Rose was to him, yet everything she could never be. He then focused his gaze sharply back on Linda. "And since I'm undeserving of Rose – and believe me, you have _no idea_ how undeserving I am – I suppose that makes her not my type."

Back in the hallway, Rose came to a stop. She took a minute to collect herself as she processed what she had just heard. She felt angry, hurt and bewildered. She had thought, felt, truly _believed_ that there was something between her and the Doctor so deep, so intense, that it possibly even went beyond anything ever felt between two people; like there was an eternal connection between them. How could she have possibly been so wrong? Was she so blinded by her feelings for him that she simply imagined that he felt it too?

The words she had once spoken to him outside a café after having just met Sarah Jane came back to her mind, resounding with startling clarity:

"_I thought you and me were… Obviously I got it wrong."_

Clearly she had been wrong once again, Rose thought, bitter with herself for letting her heart deceive her so severely.

She felt foolish and she felt hurt, and then Rose realized no one had a right to make her feel that way. If the Doctor didn't return her feelings then so be it. But that didn't mean she had to crawl away with her tail between her legs while Linda Brinkley stood back there mocking her.

The doctor was the one who had _asked_ her to meet him here, after all. Rose decided to turn back around with her head held high and walk back to his office. Whatever else they had to say about her they could say to her face.

Meanwhile, undeterred by the Doctor's admission of what Rose meant to him, Linda pressed in closer, Determined to _show_ the Doctor that she was better for him than Rose.

She moved closer until her body was brushing against his. He watched her, his gaze hard and emotionless. He didn't back away like a frightened little boy. He could have stopped it right then if he wanted, but if she was determined to make a fool of herself, he'd give her just enough rope to hang. Linda reached up and coiled her arms around his neck like a spider trapping him in her web. "But Rose is just a simple girl," she husked low in his ear as she brought her face closer to his. "What you need is an experienced woman."

She then arched her body into him as she pressed her lips firmly to his. Linda kissed him for all she was worth, pouring every bit of lust and desire into the movement of her lips against his mouth and the intimate press of her body to his, her hips brazenly rocking into his own in a way that should have any man quickly surging with arousal.

It was at that moment Rose reached the door and started to step inside. She came to an abrupt halt at the sight before her. Rose's hand came up to stifle an involuntary gasp as she quickly turned and backed silently out of the room. She then fled back down the hall and out of the building. Rose was shattered and her only thought was to get away from there – away from the man who had just broken her heart.

Meanwhile, Linda soon came to realize that kissing the Doctor was very apparently a one-way street, and that he was not responding in the slightest, despite her efforts. Very calmly and collectively, he reached up and plucked her hands from around his neck and placed them back down at her sides, extricating himself from her grasp as he took a step back from her.

Linda slowly gazed up at him, her skin flushed and glistening lips swollen from their assault upon his. She regarded him through half-lidded eyes. Was he now…_smirking_ at her? She had just laid it all on the line and offered herself to him in a way most men would have readily taken, and his only reaction was amusement?

"Now then, have you finally gotten that out of your system?" the Doctor asked, straightening his rumpled tie and still smirking.

Linda suddenly felt humiliated and outraged by his reaction at her failed attempt of seducing him. Incensed, she raised her hand to slap him, but he quickly caught her by the wrist before her hand made contact with his face.

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Now, now. You've already forced yourself on me. Do you _really_ want to add assault to the list? This is hardly proper conduct for a member of faculty, now is it? But I'll tell you what…" He paused and looked upward in thought, the tip of his tongue pressed against the back of his upper teeth. He looked back down at her. "I won't mention this incident again if, and _only_ if, you never speak disparagingly towards Rose again." Any trace of humor was suddenly gone from his tone as he spoke decisively, his gaze hard. "Are we clear on that?"

Linda jerked her wrist free from his grasp and turned, storming out of the room. Her infatuation with Doctor John Smith had just effectively come to an end.

The Doctor shook his head and chuckled. Humans could be so bloody emotional. "Right. I suppose I'll take that as a yes, then," he muttered, as the sound of the slamming door echoed through the room.

The Doctor was unaware of the damage that had been done to his relationship with Rose thanks to some _really_ bad timing and Linda's unrestrained display. Good or bad, things between him and Rose were about to come to a head.


	15. Chapter 15

**After the events of the previous chapter, Rose is in need of a friend. And that friend just happens to be a rather good-looking guy. The Doctor will soon experience his own taste of jealously.**

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><p>Rose arrived back at Donovan's trying desperately to get the burning image of the Doctor and Linda locked in a passionate kiss out of her mind. All this time she thought the Doctor held back with her because he felt too strongly. But apparently the reason was because he didn't feel anything at all, Rose now thought. She wasn't in love with a man who <em>couldn't<em> love her back; she was in love with a man who _didn't_ love her back.

She loved the Doctor more than could ever be put into words, yet he simply saw her as a friend. Nothing more. She apparently was just someone he took along for the ride. The only reason he was still with her now during their temporary exile from time and space was because he felt responsible for their situation, Rose concluded.

So where did she go from here? Rose had promised to stay with the Doctor forever, and never once had she wavered on that decision. But now? Now she truly didn't know if she had the strength. How could she sit back and watch the man she loved with all her heart and soul have these dalliances with other women, all the while having it kill her inside a little more each time?

Even if this incident hadn't happened, Rose was now beginning to think that maybe she had been wrong all along in believing that she could stay with the Doctor forever while never being allowed to love him. She once thought she had enough strength for that, but now Rose found herself beginning to question it all. In the midst of her heartbreak and confusion she truly didn't know what to think anymore.

Rose's lunch break wasn't over yet, but she decided to get back to work in hopes that it would temporarily take her mind off her troubled thoughts. She pulled herself together, wiped the tears from her face that had inescapably fallen and headed out from the back room to resume working again.

-:-

The Doctor paced around in his office as he wondered what could have been keeping Rose. She should have been there 29 minutes and 53.41 seconds ago, he thought. Not that she had a Time Lord's sense of timing; but still, she was late by anyone's standards.

He finally decided to phone her work and make sure everything was alright.

Sarah took the call and summoned Rose to the phone. Rose made her way over to her from the other side of the room.

"What is it?" Rose asked.

"Telephone," she replied. "It's John."

Rose's face fell. She didn't think she could talk to him – not right then. She was actually surprised he had even noticed she failed to show up considering he had been 'preoccupied.'

"Are you okay?" Sarah asked, noticing Rose's hesitation and troubled look.

Rose forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She took the phone, put it to her ear and drew a deep breath. "Hello?"

"Rose, is everything alright?" came the Doctor's slightly concerned voice.

Rose squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to replay what she had seen and heard earlier. "Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine," she forced herself to reply. "Some things just...came up and got in the way. I'm sorry I missed lunch." She wasn't able to talk about what had really happened. She just couldn't.

"Ah, well, that's fine. I just wanted to make sure you weren't attacked by living plastic or hanging off a barrage balloon or had your face stolen by a hungry alien entity feeding off energy. You are rather jeopardy-friendly, after all," he said, teasing fondly.

"Yeah, trouble always seems to find me," Rose replied, her voice lacking any trace of humor.

The Doctor noticed her sullen tone. "Rose, are you sure you're alright?" he asked.

There was a pause.

"I'm always alright," Rose finally replied, putting about as much sincerity into the words as he did whenever he spoke them.

He could tell something was clearly bothering her, but he could also tell she wasn't going to talk about whatever it was. The Doctor cleared his throat. "Right, well...I guess I'll see you tonight, then."

"Yeah, I'll see you later."

With that, they hung up.

Rose drew another deep breath. She just didn't know how she could face him tonight. Rose wasn't angry with the Doctor, and she didn't hold it against him if he had feelings for Linda. He was free to be, or _not_ be, with whomever he wanted. But it still hurt deeply. And Rose didn't feel like she could spend the evening with him tonight while trying to pretend like it didn't. Not tonight. Not while the whole incident was still so painfully raw in her mind.

Maybe she should just get out for a little while tonight, she thought. Just to try to get her mind off things. But Rose didn't feel like being out alone, either. She would ask Sarah if she wanted to get together but Sarah had already mentioned earlier that she and Michael were going to have dinner with his parents that evening. Rose glanced over towards the bar where Colin was working. She could ask him, she thought. The two of them had become friends, and while they had never 'gone out,' he had once offered to take her out sometime – just as friends.

Rose had never allowed herself to see Colin as anything more than a friend. She had never allowed herself to see _any_ man as anything more – not since she'd met the Doctor. But she realized that maybe it was time she let herself consider someone else. The problem was, there was only _one_ man she cared about in that way. But that man clearly didn't feel the same. And since the Doctor didn't seem to be restraining himself from pursuing any woman who caught his eye (and since Rose clearly wasn't going to be one of those women), then why should she continue to hold herself back from having a relationship with someone else? Not that she was going to just throw herself at Colin in an attempt to forget the Doctor. She wasn't even anywhere near being able to consider someone else at present. But maybe, given time, there could possibly be something more between them. Rose couldn't even think about that right now, though. Tonight, she just needed a friend.

There was a lull in customers at the moment as Rose walked over to the bar and sat down. Colin was stooped down putting some glasses away behind the counter. He stood back up and gave her a smile as he began wiping down the bar. "Everything alright, Rose?" he asked.

Was it that obvious? Everyone seemed to be asking her that, Rose thought to herself. "Yeah, fine," she replied, with as much cheer as she could muster. "I was just wondering…" Rose hesitated for a second. "I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight."

"Ah," he replied, his voice solemn, "this is _Thursday_ night. Very important." Rose lifted a brow curiously. "Laundry night," he chuckled.

Rose gave a small laugh. "Well, if I can convince you to put off something so important, I was wondering if you'd like to...just...go out, or something, tonight."

Colin suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Is John busy tonight, or something?" he asked, trying to sound casual but coming off sounding a bit tense. He knew the two of them seemed inseparably close, and Colin had no intention of trying to come between them. He wasn't that sort of a man. He had been interested in Rose when he first met her, but he soon learned of Doctor John Smith in her life, and since then he had only let himself see Rose as a friend.

Rose glanced away, dropping her eyes to her folded hands resting on top of the bar. "Yeah. Or something," she said quietly. Rose lifted her eyes back up. "He's...otherwise occupied."

Colin frowned. "Did you two have a fight?"

Rose sat back and let out a heavy sigh as her shoulders sagged. "No. We didn't have a fight."

"Then what's wrong?" he asked out of concern.

"It's just...complicated," she finished with a defeated shrug.

Colin shook his head and chuckled slightly. "That seems to be your standard reply when it comes to him," he noted.

Rose let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, tell me about it." Then she looked up at Colin with resolve. "But maybe it's time everything became _less_ complicated."

Colin released a deep breath and set aside the rag he'd been cleaning with. "Rose, I don't want to do anything to come between the two of you."

"I'm not asking you to," she replied back. "I just wanted to get out tonight and could use a friend, that's all." She went to stand up. "But if you'd rather not, I understand..."

He reached over and put his hand on her arm as she started to turn. "No, it's not that. Rose, if you need a friend, then I'm here for you."

He smiled. "So, what would you like to do?"

Rose smiled back gratefully. "I dunno. Something fun. Something lively."

"Well, there's that new dance club that opened up on Kent Street. I haven't been there yet. We could check it out," he suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good," she agreed.

He shifted a bit on his feet as he scratched the side of his head, looking uncomfortable again. "Should I...should I pick you up at your place, then?" he asked, wondering if the Doctor would be there and picturing the awkwardness of _that_ moment.

"Yeah," Rose replied. "Say...'bout an hour after we get off work?"

He nodded. "Okay. I'll see you then."

Colin just hoped that when he showed up at her door the moment wasn't going to be as tense as he was anticipating. He had noted on more than one occasion over the past few months that there was just something about Doctor John Smith – an intensity residing just below his jovial surface – that could at times be unnerving. Colin couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was just something more to this man. Almost as if an oncoming storm could be contained within his eyes. That was _not_ something Colin particularly wanted to have directed at him.


	16. Chapter 16

**The Doctor reacts to learning of Rose's "date" with Colin as feelings of jealousy and possessiveness begin to awaken within him, the result of which will soon boil over into a confrontation... **

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><p>When Rose arrived back at the flat after getting off work, the Doctor was already there. He sat cross-legged on the living room floor, his jacket off, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and tie loosened. He was tinkering with one of his latest projects – an activity that served to keep him occupied in his spare time. Wires and various other bits and pieces were strewn about on the floor as he grasped some sort of square-shaped device in his left hand (with components that looked suspiciously like they had once belonged to the TV remote), with the sonic screwdriver held in the other. He peered at it with a look of intense concentration, his glasses perched on the end of his nose and the tip of his tongue pressed to the back of his upper teeth. Rose had eventually stopped asking him about the things he was working on because his verbose reply always went straight over her head. Plus, she usually ended up learning about things he had done to the household appliances that she'd rather not know about anyway.<p>

The Doctor looked up from his apparatus as Rose came in. He grinned widely at her, his beaming smile lighting up his face. "Hello!" he greeted brightly.

Rose's heart swelled at the sight of him and she had to fight back a painful lump in her throat. How could she ever get over loving this man? Rose forced herself to smile back. "Hi."

Setting the device aside and removing his glasses, the Doctor stood up and bound over to her. He clapped his hands together enthusiastically. "So, fancy going out to eat for dinner, or do you want to get something in?"

Rose's eyes briefly fell to the floor, then back up to him. "Actually, I…I already have other plans for tonight." The Doctor looked puzzled. "Colin and I thought we'd go together to that new club that just opened on Kent Street," she stated.

For a moment, Rose felt guilty when she saw the bemused look on his face as his smile faded to a frown. But then she remembered everything she had seen and heard that afternoon, and the feeling of guilt quickly passed. The last thing Rose ever wanted to do was hurt the Doctor; but she realized there was no reason why this should hurt him since he didn't have the same feelings for her that she did for him.

"And I thought you might have other plans anyway," she continued, trying her level-best to sound casual as she walked past him, heading towards her room. Rose told herself she had to try to remain emotionally detached in this situation to protect her heart (even though she knew it was far too late for that). "You know, with some of your other friends from school. Linda, maybe?" she added.

Rose turned back around to face him as she reached her door. "You're probably getting tired of spending every evening with me, anyway," she said quietly. "I've gotta get changed."

She ducked inside her room and closed the door, leaving the Doctor staring after her in perplexity.

While Rose was getting ready for her night out with Colin the Doctor tried to figure out what exactly was going on. Rose definitely seemed upset about something. He had spent enough time traveling with women over the years to know that much at least. And if he didn't know any better he'd say she was upset with him. But why? And why had she mentioned Linda? That was actually the last person he wanted to think about at the moment.

A startling thought suddenly occurred to him. Was it possible that she…? No, he quickly reasoned. Rose was working and hadn't even been there when Linda tried to, for lack of a better term, snog his brains out.

So what brought this on? And _why_ was she going out with Colin? The two of them had been working together for a while. Was there something more going on between Rose and Colin that he wasn't aware of? Colin was a bit of a pretty boy (not that he had room to talk in that department with his current regeneration, the Doctor thought to himself), but he seemed like a nice enough bloke. The Doctor had actually come to quite like him. Until now, that is. And now Rose was going out with him. Could Colin have been the reason why Rose was otherwise occupied that afternoon? The thought of that sent a feeling through the Doctor that he wasn't used to. If he wasn't a Time Lord and above such things, one might call it jealously.

But he had no right to be jealous. He and Rose didn't have _that_ kind of a relationship. He had seen to that himself. He always held himself back and kept her at arm's length. _Well_, if you can call hugging at every opportunity 'arm's length'. But it never went beyond that. No matter how much he wished it could during his moments of weakness when his thoughts would stray – which seemed to be happening on a more frequent basis as of late.

The Doctor always knew it might come to this one day. Rose was a beautiful young woman with her whole life ahead of her. She said she was happy with her life of traveling with him and would stay with him forever. But deep down he knew the day might inevitably come when she would eventually want more. When she would want someone who could give her the kind of relationship she deserved and all the things _he_ could never give her because he was too much of a coward.

A knock at the door drew him out of his thoughts. The Doctor instantly stiffened at the sound, knowing exactly who it was. With slow, reluctant strides he made his way over to answer it.

For his part, Colin didn't exactly look like a confident man who had come to steal Rose away. He actually looked a little nervous upon seeing the Doctor. And as well he should, the Doctor thought to himself as he gazed back at the man with a hard look. Just what exactly were Colin's plans for Rose? Maybe he didn't want to know, the Doctor told himself as his mind traveled down the path of possibilities and his grip on the door handle began to tighten as his fingers sought to curl into a fist of their own accord.

Colin nodded tensely. "John," he greeted, as he shifted nervously on his feet and tucked his hands into his pockets.

"Colin," the Doctor responded tightly, his jaw visibly tense and dimples beginning to show.

The tension in the air was palpable. Colin uneasily shifted his gaze as the Doctor's eyes bored into him. He wondered if he should say something more to break the heavy and awkward silence. _I'm here to pick up Rose,_ maybe? No, he quickly decided. That most definitely wouldn't serve to ease the tension. He opted for silence instead, deciding that was probably the safest route. The man in front of him, the man who Colin assumed was clearly Rose's lover, knew exactly why he was here. Nothing more needed to be said.

Fortunately for Colin, he was saved from prolonged awkwardness as Rose emerged from her bedroom and came over to the door.

The Doctor turned back around towards her. She was wearing a pair of slim-fitting jeans and a caramel colored jumper that accentuated the shade of her warm brown eyes. The low-cut neckline revealed a bit more cleavage than he was happy about – at least if _Colin _and who knows how many other randy blokes at this club would be enjoying the view.

"Hey, Colin," she greeted through the door, trying to ignore the Doctor's gaze which was currently fixed on her. "You all set?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, all set."

Rose turned towards the Doctor then. "Don't wait around on my account. I'll probably be out a while." She stepped through the doorway, but paused and turned back, unable to stop herself from adding in a flat tone as her eyes met his, "About five and a half hours." She then closed the door behind her.

The Doctor stared at the closed door for several moments, his hands involuntarily clenched at his sides. There was no denying it. He was most definitely feeling jealously. Jealously and possessiveness. Maybe it was due to living these past few months of human life. Human traits had begun to affect him.

No. He knew what the reason was for these feelings. Rose. She was, well, _Rose_. And he was quickly realizing that when actually faced with it, the thought of her being with anyone else drove him a bit mad.

Or maybe, just maybe, it drove him to his senses.

What was he doing? He was so afraid of losing Rose – both to time and to her truly seeing the darkness buried within him – that he kept distance between them. But if he continued, that distance was going to cause the very thing he feared the most: her loss.

The Doctor wasn't entirely sure what to do next about his repressed feelings that were suddenly warring inside him and demanding release, or how far he could even allow himself to take things with Rose if he _did_ let those feelings free. It was one of those rare moments in his life when he wasn't in a frame of mind to clearly think things through. But one thing was certain: he could not lose Rose. The thought was unconscionable. And he was not going to just stand by and watch as he lost her to someone else.

_Although_, the Doctor thought to himself as a shrewd idea formed in his mind, maybe standing by and watching _did_ have its advantages. If Rose wanted to go out with Colin to this new club then so be it; but was there anything that said he couldn't go, too? It was a public club, after all. He doubted there would be any signs that said "No Aliens Allowed."

Rose would most likely be furious if he actually strode in during her 'date', but at the moment he was beyond caring. And something within him wanted that confrontation. He suddenly found himself wanting to elicit a reaction from her as she had done to him. Something primal and aggressive had been stirred inside him, and the Doctor wasn't going to back down from what he was feeling – not this time.

But first, he thought that perhaps a change of clothes was in order. He was going to a trendy club, so he might as well look the part. He had yet to wear the jeans he purchased on their first shopping trip that Rose had once seemed so fond of seeing him in. Now just might be the perfect time. He hadn't worn jeans since he had been his more broody, slightly aggressive self. For tonight, he was feeling a little more like that same man once again.


	17. Chapter 17

**At last, those jeans finally appear as the denim-clad Doctor makes his entrance and the sparks begin to fly. ;)**

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><p>The atmosphere at the crowded club that night was lively and energetic – just the diversion Rose thought she needed to take her mind off things concerning the Doctor. The only problem, though, was that it wasn't working. Her thoughts of the Doctor were inescapable.<p>

Rose and Colin sat at a small table just off to the side of the dance floor. Colin had tried to engage in friendly chit-chat, but Rose didn't exactly seem to be in a talkative mood. She stared off blankly towards the dance floor, not really focusing on anything in particular as her fingers tapped idly on the side of her drink.

Colin glanced towards the dance floor, then back to Rose. "So, you feel like dancing?" he asked, trying to sound upbeat in hopes that maybe he could lift her mood.

Rose turned her head, focusing back on him. "No. Not really," she replied, sounding as equally glum as she looked.

Rose's thoughts drifted back to the time when she and her first Doctor had danced together around the console in the TARDIS, matching each other step for step in perfect sync. Rose had not danced with this version of the Doctor since he had regenerated, but she was certain he would be amazing at it as he held her in his strong arms and moved his lean body in rhythm with hers. With a rueful sigh, Rose supposed that was something she would never know.

"If you don't like it here we could always try somewhere else," Colin offered.

Rose smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm rubbish company tonight, aren't I?"

"Hey, it's okay," he said with a reassuring smile, "I wasn't expecting a party. I know you just wanted to get out to try and take your mind off whatever happened between you and John."

Rose really didn't feel like she could go into all the details, but Colin was here and he was supportive, and she felt like she needed to talk to _someone_. Rose released a long, heavy breath. "That's the thing though, Colin. _Nothing_ happened between us. I s'pose you could say that's the way it's always been. As much as I…as much as I thought…" She blew out another breath. "Nothing ever _has_ happened between us, and nothing ever will. We've traveled together and had fun, but we're just friends. Nothing more." Rose shrugged and let out a mirthless laugh. "I'm not his type."

Colin's attention, however, was no longer on Rose as she spoke; instead, he was now focused over her shoulder as he looked towards the front doors of the club, a smile quirking at the corner of his lips. "No?" he asked, "Why's he here, then?" He nodded toward the doors.

Rose quickly turned her head around, and her eyebrows met her hairline as her eyes went wide. To her utter disbelief, she saw the Doctor walking into the club. In that moment, she wasn't sure what shocked her more: the fact that the Doctor was here, or the fact that he was currently wearing something other than the usual brown or blue suit. The sight of him quite literally made her breath catch. He was, in a single word, _gorgeous_. He wore a pair of fitted, dark blue jeans that melded to his physique in all the right places and a deep crimson t-shirt that matched his trainers. Though the Doctor had a lean build he was deceptively muscular, and she could make out the strong lines of his rippled chest beneath the thin, snug material of his shirt. Her mouth had suddenly gone dry. Did _any_ man have a right to be that incredibly sexy?

Rose didn't think she had ever wanted him more than she did right in that moment. She also never wanted to haul off and slap him more than she did in that moment. Just what did he think he was doing strolling in here?

Like a laser beam, his eyes found hers the moment he walked in, but then he turned. Rose's eyes automatically dropped to focus on the curve of his firm, denim-clad bum in the perfectly fitted jeans as he strode casually over to the bar in her direct line of sight and took a seat.

Rose shook herself and attempted to collect her wits. She turned back to Colin. "What does he think he's doing?" she said angrily.

Colin smirked. "I'd say he's keeping an eye on what's his."

Rose shook her head. "No. No, he doesn't want me – not like that. But he's decided he doesn't want me to be with anyone else, either. It's not the first time I've seen him be possessive. He just doesn't want to share his toys, that's all. He can be just like a two-year-old sometimes," she said in extreme irritation.

"Oh, I don't know…I'd say right now he's being very much like a man," Colin chuckled.

Apparently Rose wasn't the only one the Doctor had attracted the attention of. It wasn't long before an alluring woman in a tight-fitting, skimpy dress sidled up to the Doctor and sat down beside him as she began chatting him up. Her body language as she leaned into him, smiling seductively, left no question as to what her intentions were. The Doctor smiled back devilishly as he leaned forward and spoke something in her ear, then eased back and gave her a saucy wink.

Rose was now fuming. Just how many times was she going to have to watch him carry on with other women? You would think once was enough for the day. Did he come here just to make sure she would be his audience as he played Casanova? Yet Rose noticed how the woman's face quickly fell. And her displeased look as she stood and stalked away showed that whatever he had said, it clearly wasn't what the woman had been hoping for. The Doctor then shifted his gaze and looked directly back at Rose. She quickly glanced away, but she could literally feel his eyes still on her, intense and searing. It felt like electricity pulsing down her spine, and her body temperature was quickly rising from the heat of his gaze.

He was making it completely impossible for her to concentrate on anything else. The Doctor knew very well that if he wanted to disrupt her evening with Colin he didn't need to approach her or even speak a word; all he had to do was sit back and watch. She chanced a brief glance back over at him, then her eyes quickly skittered away as she found his still fixed on her. Trying to at least appear cool and collected, Rose went to reach for her drink, but her fumbling hand knocked it over on the table. She could sense the Doctor still watching her, no doubt a smug, self-satisfied smirk on his face that she'd like to wipe right off with the whack of her hand (or the press of her lips).

She'd had enough.

"Colin, I think I _do _want to dance," Rose said abruptly.

"Oh, I'm sure you do, Rose. But we both know I'm not the one you want to dance with," he stated honestly. "Rose, why don't I leave you two here to talk," he suggested. It was blatantly obvious these two needed to clear the air.

"What?" she exclaimed in surprise, knowing if Colin left that would be giving the Doctor exactly what he wanted. "You're just gonna leave? Isn't it customary for the person who you're with to be the one to bring you back home?"

"Yeah, it is," Colin agreed. "And I think it's pretty obvious who the man you're with is."

"But we're not–" Rose started to object.

Colin nodded towards the Doctor. "Well, I think he might have other ideas."

Just the thought of that alone sent another shiver through Rose. Was it possible the Doctor felt that way despite what she'd heard and seen earlier?

Regardless, she realized this situation wasn't fair to Colin. "I'm sorry, Colin. I really didn't mean for you to get caught in the middle of anything."

"Hey, no worries," he grinned. "This was more fun than laundry night anytime. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She nodded as he stood, then made his way out of the club.

It was time for Rose to confront the Doctor once and for all.

About a lot of things.

With steely resolve, Rose pushed back from the table and stood, then began crossing the distance between them over to where he was. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest with each step. She had never been this angry at him, and simultaneously, this turned on by him. It was a potent combination.

The crowd had not diminished but it now felt as if it were only the two of them here. Their eyes never left each other's as she made her way towards the Doctor and came to a stop upon reaching him.

"Just what d'you think you're playing at?" Rose hissed through gritted teeth.

The Doctor downed the contents of his drink, then stood up in front of her, a mere foot apart. When he spoke, the fierce intensity in his voice matched that in his dark eyes as they flashed, dangerous and possessive. "This is no game, Rose."

Rose swallowed hard, determined to stay in control of this situation and not allow herself to melt beneath his scorching gaze. "Why are you even here?" she questioned, amazed her words had remained steady.

His voice was low. "I think you know why."

Rose fought back the urge to whimper, both in joy and frustration. If he meant what he seemed to be implying, then she had waited years for him to admit this. On the other hand, why couldn't he just come out and finally _say_ it?

"Do I?" she pressed, not about to let him leave it at that. "And how exactly would I know that? Because there is so much we _never_ say – never _do_."

The Doctor considered her words long and carefully, never taking his eyes off hers. The gap of silence stretched on and Rose was sure he was going to back-peddle now. When he spoke, his words took her breath away. "Well, maybe it's time we remedy that."

Rose closed her eyes and drew a deep, steadying breath, forcing herself to stay focused. Before this went any further, there was one thing they needed to clear up.

She opened her eyes and looked back into his, needing an answer to this. "What about Linda?"

A shadow crossed his face as the Doctor scowled. "What _about_ Linda?

Rose shook her head. So this is how it was going to be. He was just going to pretend nothing happened. "Isn't she more your _type_?"

Realization began to dawn on him. "You were there? But you said–"

"Yeah," she admitted, sounding defeated, "I was there. I came to your office. I didn't hear everything, but I heard enough." Rose's eyes fell away from his.

The Doctor shook his head adamantly and moved even closer. "No. You obviously _didn't_ hear enough. Because I said the reason you weren't my type was because I don't deserve you."

"But…," Rose stumbled on her words, trying to wrap her head around what he was saying. "But you kissed her," she felt the need to point out, even though all of her misconceptions were quickly crumbling away.

"Actually, she kissed me," he corrected. "And rather forcefully, at that."

Well, this certainly changed things.

Considerably.

The Doctor reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder in the barest of touches, then skimmed the tips of his fingers down the length of her arm, causing goose bumps to rise on her skin in his wake. He reached her hand and slipped his fingers between hers, linking them together as their two hands became one. He leaned forward, bringing his lips to her ear.

"Dance with me, Rose," he breathed, the passion in his voice making her tremble. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Because maybe the world doesn't end just because the Doctor dances." The echo of the words Rose had once spoken to him was said with the slightest glimmer of a smile, but then he grew somber once more, his eyes darkened with passion. "But maybe it will if I don't."


	18. Chapter 18

**The Doctor has acted on impulse driven by emotions. But now that things have finally come to a head, will he have the courage to see it through once his head catches up with his hearts?**

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><p>Rose had momentarily lost the ability to form words, so she simply nodded in reply.<p>

With their hands still joined, the Doctor led her with him over to the dance floor. The crowd just seemed to part before them as they wound their way through. He found a place on the floor for just the two of them and came to a stop. The lights were dim and the music had slowed to a low, sensual rhythm. Couples around them were holding each other in a close, intimate embrace, but the Doctor and Rose no longer saw anyone else. In this moment it was only the two of them here. Awareness of all else had fled away.

The Doctor released Rose's hand as he turned to face her and they each took a step closer. Rose lifted her arms and draped them around his neck as his hands came to rest on her waist, the heat of each finger upon her causing her to tingle with electricity. They weren't touching any more than that, but the closeness between them was still intoxicating none the less as their bodies began to gently sway together, so perfectly in sync. Her fantasies of what it would be like to dance with him were far exceeded by this reality.

Their eyes were locked. Rose looked into his dark eyes, so deep and bottomless, as they penetrated into hers. Rose had to focus on breathing, but even that was difficult. He had stolen her heart and stolen her very breath. When the intensity became too much to bear, she dropped her eyes a fraction. The Doctor swept his hands around to her lower back, drawing her closer to him as he inhaled deeply, breathing her in and filling his lungs with her scent that he felt he had spent an eternity craving.

No longer able to bear even the slightest bit of space separating them, Rose wound her arms more closely around his neck as she pressed herself flush against him, a shiver coursing through both of them at the intimate contact — her soft curves melding into his lean, strong build, separated only by denim and cotton and not his usual layers. They continued to sway together, bodies in perfect harmonized motion, lost in this world that only contained each other's embrace. Rose moved her head forward to lay against the Doctor's chest and closed her eyes, feeling the double rhythm of his hearts beneath her, now beating undeniably faster.

This felt so right, so perfect; and something deep within Rose, a voice she wished she could silence, said it was too perfect to last. Where did they go from here? She knew exactly where she wanted this to go, and she was now certain that he wanted it, too. There was no longer a doubt about that. But wanting it still didn't mean that it could be. After holding back for so long and fighting to keep that distance, would the Doctor really be able to let himself go, release all his deeply held fears, and drop all walls between them?

Rose lifted her head and gazed back into his eyes as he lowered his head to meet her gaze. She could see undeniable passion and desire within him that caused her heart to quicken all the more; but she also saw something else that caused her heart to drop. Something she desperately hoped would not be there, but it was. She saw fear, churning like a mighty tempest beneath the surface and warring with his other emotions. Could he really allow this to happen between them? She was beginning to see that he had acted on jealous impulse — something that he rarely, if ever, allowed to happen. True, he was a man who usually made things up as he went along and did it brilliantly, but _never_ where his hearts were concerned. That was an area where he followed a strict code that he enforced upon himself and never deviated from. And now she could see in his unsettled eyes that the ramifications of his actions were beginning to catch up with him.

Rose did not want to break the almost erotic spell that had been cast between them, but there was so much now that needed to be said. They couldn't go on avoiding or pretending. Not anymore. Things had gone unspoken for far too long. One way or another, she needed certainty between them both.

Rose slid her right hand down to rest upon his chest between both hearts as she continued gazing into his eyes. "What is this, Doctor?" she breathed out, her voice barely a whisper as her eyes were wide and searching. What they had, what they felt — this needed to be named. This needed confession. "What is this we have between us?"

Rose knew she was taking a risk leaving the power in his hands, yet she needed to hear his answer, whatever it may be. But if he now said it was simply a close friendship they shared, she just might die on the spot.

Rose could see his mind churning, processing the gravity of her question, thinking carefully before he responded. He finally answered. "What do you want it to be, Rose?"

For just an instant her heart soared, thinking he was offering it all to her in this moment. Offering to let this be whatever she wanted, _needed_ it to be. But then she realized what he was really doing. He was passing the question off to her to avoid having to answer it himself. No. She knew what she wanted, but now she needed to hear it from him. She'd already had her heart broken once today; and while she knew that had not been the Doctor's fault, she was still feeling vulnerable and feeling that need for self-protection. She didn't think she could lay it all out before him and expose her heart at this moment with the uncertainty she was sensing from him. She was the one who asked the question because she needed to hear this from _him_.

Rose slowly shook her head. "No. That's not how we're playing it. Not this time," she replied, the strength in her voice belying the trembling she felt inside. "You've asked the questions and I've done the answering. You've asked me how long I was gonna stay with you, and I told you forever. Now it's time for you to answer me. What do _you_ want, Doctor?"

He knew what he wanted…what he had wanted for so very long. No one had ever made him feel the way Rose did, and considering the length of his life, that was something incredible. She had awakened things inside him he had once thought were long since dead. There were so many reasons why he should give himself over to this — give himself over to Rose.

But his mind was now telling him there were so many reasons he shouldn't.

So many reasons he couldn't.

So many reasons he wouldn't.

His eyes fell away from hers as he swallowed thickly. A multitude of thoughts were coursing through his mind. But the one which resounded the loudest and spoke of what he truly wanted, saying within his soul what he so _desperately_ wanted to say, was the one he could not find the strength to put a voice to. "I…I want a great deal of things, Rose," he finally replied quietly. Even if I can never have them, he thought.

Rose ducked her head slightly to look into his downcast eyes, not letting him avoid this — not this time. "What about for _us_?" she pressed, her voice and her eyes pleading with him to say it.

His mind was suddenly reeling. Everything had finally begun to catch up with him and was now crashing over him in a dizzying wave. For the first time that night, his brain began to catch up to his emotions and he began fearing he had made a grave mistake. What had he possibly been thinking in following Rose here? He should have just let her go — let her be happy. Even if that happiness was given to her from someone else. Someone who could give her all the things he himself could not.

He had told Rose maybe the world would end if he didn't allow himself to dance, and he knew exactly what that metaphor represented. And maybe tonight the world _would_ end if he let this slip through his fingers now. But it wouldn't be the first time his world had ended. It wouldn't be the first time he had lost it all. Maybe he was destined to never have what he truly wanted. Maybe this was his curse.

The Doctor looked back at Rose, and she saw his expression was pained, as if he knew what he wanted would be forever out of his reach.

Wanting it didn't mean he could allow himself to have it. He wished with every fiber of his being that things could be different. More simple. Less complicated. He wished timelines weren't miss-matched. He wished he could look at his hands without seeing the blood of his entire race — blood-stained hands he dare not touch her with. He wished he didn't carry such concealed darkness within him from the things he had seen and done — things that would make Rose run as far from him as she could if she only _knew, _really knew.

_What about for us? _She had asked.

"A less complex existence," he breathed, but he knew that could never be.

Rose's eyes now reflected the same pain held within his own. "I don't know if anyone has that," she replied softly. Nevertheless, a look of determination came over her face. "But maybe you always make things more _complicated _than they already are."

He smiled, fleetingly and sorrowfully as his eyes fell downward once again. "Or maybe complex things just can't be made simple," he replied.

Rose felt her heart break in two, then shatter into irreparable pieces. "So there we are then," she all but whispered.

After all this time, things between them had finally come to a head.

And come to an end.

"Yeah, there we are," he replied hoarsely, unable to look in her eyes.

Their swaying rhythm had come to a stop. On the outside they were still as close to each other as they had been moments ago, but on the inside that great, dark chasm was separating them once again.

Rose had once thought that she could stay with the Doctor forever, no matter what. Even if being with him meant she could never _be_ with him — not in the way she desperately longed for. But she knew now that was never realistic. It just wasn't possible for them to go on like that forever. Eventually, something would have to give. Something would have to break.

Now it was breaking.

"Doctor, what we have between us…," Rose shook her head and closed her eyes as she struggled with her words. "It's too much. It's too much and it's not enough, and being trapped in the middle is tearing us both apart. And I can't…" She took a deep, shuddering breath and looked into his eyes as tears began to fall from hers. "I can't do this anymore," she breathed.

"I'm sorry," Rose mouthed silently, as she then pulled back from him and turned. He watched, broken, as she hurried away and out of the building.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for sticking with this despite the emotional roller-coaster ride of the previous chapter! **

**After being faced with the possibility of losing Rose, the Doctor is finally jolted to his senses and will soon come to a decision.**

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><p>Rose wanted nothing more than to just go home. Home for her had become the TARDIS, but even if she <em>could<em> have gone to the TARDIS right then she didn't know if that could ever be home to her again. She couldn't go home to her mum, either; so with nowhere else left to go, she had no choice but to return to the flat, feeling numb. She walked into her room and closed the door. Strength seemed to have left her body as she slid down to sit on the floor, her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her knees as she stared blankly ahead.

She heard the Doctor return a short time later. His nearing footsteps paused for just a moment outside her door before continuing on quietly to his own room. Rose finally stood and walked slowly to the bed where she climbed in and curled up on her side. That's when the tears began to flow. This was how it would end. As soon as the Doctor had the TARDIS again, he would take her back home and then leave to go on his own. She was certain of it. And what else could he do? They had reached a split in the road. There were only two directions to take, and it was abundantly clear which path they would _not_ be taking.

Rose pressed her face into the pillow to stifle the sobs that began rising up in her chest, but the Doctor still heard them. He wanted desperately to go to her, but he could not. How could he? He had already done enough, he thought with bitterness. And knowing that he was the cause of her pain and the reason behind her anguished cries made him die just a little more inside.

-:-

Rose remained quietly in her room the next morning until after the Doctor had gone. She didn't want to hide from him, but they had said enough the night before. And right now the pain was just too raw for them both and she didn't think she could face him.

Rose was just absently going through the motions at work that day, her mind consumed and focused elsewhere. Colin avoided asking her what had happened the night before after he left. It was clear she didn't want to broach the subject.

It was Friday and Rose would be singing tonight – something she really did not feel like doing, tonight of all nights. Since she had gotten this job, the Doctor hadn't missed a single night when she sang. He was always there for her. His presence there didn't just give Rose encouragement – he was her inspiration, and she sang only for him. Afterwards, he would walk her back to the flat, both relishing each other's company and talking together about everything and nothing. Those were special moments between them Rose had come to cherish.

Now, however, things had changed. The facade had been ripped away and they couldn't just pretend nothing had happened and continue on like they once had. So to save the Doctor having to debate over what to do about tonight, Rose had left him a note saying he didn't have to come. She didn't need to say why.

-:-

Rose's heart just wasn't in it as she took to the stage to sing that night. The words felt hollow and lifeless, and she had to force herself through the performance. To make matters worse, earlier in the evening when she was working Rose had been harassed by a man making blatant passes at her who didn't seem to understand the meaning of the word "no." He had to eventually be escorted from the building. The incident certainly hadn't done anything to improve upon the day she was having.

As she continued to sing that night, Rose noticed a commotion at the back of the room. That same man had returned once more. He was clearly drunk this time, but was quickly ushered out once again. Rose shook it off and managed to finish the performance, getting a rousing applause despite having to force her way through it.

Rose was one of the last of her shift to leave after finishing for the night and heading out to return to the flat. She was feeling tense as she anticipated seeing the Doctor. Would he even be there? Maybe he would avoid seeing her as she had done with him. She knew they couldn't simply keep avoiding each other, but for now Rose didn't know what to do or what to say. What else was there _to_ say?

The nights were getting chilly, and Rose wrapped her jacket more tightly around her as she stepped out into the frosty night air. She never noticed the cold on those nights when the Doctor was there, his hand enfolding hers. Despite his slightly cooler body temperature, she always felt enveloped in warmth whenever he was near her.

It was getting late, and there were few people still about. Rose walked along the quiet, dimly-lit sidewalk, the silence broken only by the occasional car passing by. Rose felt so empty and alone without the Doctor there beside her as he always had been on these late nights when she would return.

But Rose wasn't as alone as she thought. She was unaware of the figure moving behind her in the shadows.

-:-

Rose was still at work when the Doctor returned to the flat that evening. It seemed everyone was now avoiding him, he noted. Linda had gone to great lengths to avoid crossing his path that day at school, which was a definite change from her behavior towards him the past few months and one that he was _not_ complaining about in the least. He had no doubt that she was the type of woman who would most likely try to stir up some sort of trouble for him as revenge _if_ he didn't have that rather damaging incident of her improper conduct to hold over her head. It wouldn't have really mattered anyway if she had, though, as his temporary time teaching would soon be drawing to an end.

The Doctor was not surprised to find Rose's note upon returning. Of course she wouldn't want him there when she sang that night, he thought to himself bitterly. Why would she? Once he had the TARDIS back, he was certain she would ask him to take her back home for good. That would be it. He couldn't blame her. Why should she stay with him? He would just continue to keep her at arm's length and never allow them to become what they both longed for because of his inability to let go of his fears or to allow himself to love and be loved in return.

The Doctor put the note back down and made his way to his room. Once inside, he shrugged off his jacket, pulled out the sonic screwdriver, then sat down to tinker with one of his projects in order to occupy his thoughts. His mind, however, just wasn't focused on the task. All he could think of was Rose. He truly missed being with her tonight. But if he were to show up there now of all times, he would just be a distraction from her being able to perform – and _not_ in a good way.

Yet he couldn't shake this uneasy feeling that he should be there. She always worked late on Fridays, and he didn't like the idea of Rose walking back alone late at night. But how would she react if he were to show up there to escort her back? She had made it perfectly clear last night and this morning that she was avoiding even seeing him.

But as time passed that evening he became more and more uneasy. He had this feeling in his gut that he needed to be there for her, and that feeling would not be ignored. If Rose didn't want to speak to him on the way back then he understood, but he finally decided that he wasn't going to let her come back alone.

-:-

Rose had only made it a few blocks from Donovan's when she began to quicken her pace. Something caused an eerie chill down her spine, and it wasn't just from the cold.

She continued along the dimly-lit sidewalk when she heard footsteps falling behind her. Before she could turn around to look, a hand suddenly came over her mouth from behind, and she was dragged away down an alley off to the side.

Rose thrashed and struggled against whoever had seized her, but their grip was like iron. Rose's back was thrust up against the brick wall of the alley, and she stood face-to-face with her captor. It was the same man who had been harassing her at the pub earlier that night.

With one hand still clamped over her mouth, he pulled out a knife with the other and held it to her throat.

"You weren't too sociable with me earlier, now were you, sweetheart? But let's see if this makes you a little more willing," he leered, the smell of alcohol still strong on his breath.

He pressed the blade of the knife more firmly against her neck, nearly piercing her skin. "You scream, and you're dead," he threatened. "Understood?"

Rose nodded in reply, fear and adrenaline coursing through her as her heart pounded wildly in her chest.

While keeping the blade at her neck, he removed his rough, calloused hand from her mouth. His hand moved lower, forcing its way inside her jacket. Rose took a sharp intake of breath, fighting down the urge to scream.

Rose's mind was in turmoil. This couldn't be happening! She couldn't just stand here and _let_ this happen. There was no guarantee that he wouldn't slit her throat after he'd done with her as he wished, so she wasn't going to just let him have his way without a fight.

He pressed himself firmly against her. The feel of this monster pressed against her body made Rose sick to her stomach. He then roughly forced his mouth to hers, and Rose used that moment to take action. Summoning every bit of her strength, Rose brought her knee up in a sharp upward thrust to his groin.

He gasped and recoiled in pain as she then thrust her elbow into his chest. Rose began to free herself from his loosened grasp and started to slip away, but he grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her back around as he lunged at her with the knife. Rose gripped his hand in a struggle to hold him back. As he pushed passed her grip to thrust the knife towards her, Rose quickly wrenched her other arm free and brought her hand up to stop the knife from penetrating her throat, but he slashed the palm of her hand with the blade as she let out a scream.

With a violent shove, he knocked her backwards to the ground. Rose's head hit the ground with a crack. The last thing she saw was her attacker standing over her with the knife as her vision went black and she lost consciousness.

-:-

The Doctor had left the flat and began making his way towards Donovan's. He knew Rose should just be leaving by the time he got there. It would undoubtedly be an awkward walk back, to put it mildly, but at least he would know Rose wasn't coming back alone.

The Doctor was getting closer and was nearly there when he heard a scream coming from an alley nearby. His hearts began thudding in his chest. He knew the sound of the distraught voice. He prayed he was wrong. Breaking into a full-speed run towards the direction of the scream, he rounded the corner to the alley just as he saw a man hovering over a woman on the ground, a knife clutched in his hand.

The woman lying on the ground was Rose.

Something inside him snapped.

The Doctor launched himself at the man and pulled him away from Rose. There was a struggle, but with the element of surprise giving him the upper hand and using techniques he had forgotten he even knew, the Doctor soon overtook him and finally threw the man against the brick wall of the alley where he crumpled to the ground in a heap.

Breathing hard, the Doctor rushed back over to Rose's side and dropped to his knees where she lay motionless on the ground. He pulled out the sonic to scan her as one other who had been nearby and heard the scream now hurried over to the scene.

The Doctor looked up from Rose to the man who had just arrived. "Call 999!" the Doctor quickly ordered. "She needs an ambulance."

He turned his attention back to Rose. He pulled his shirt free from his trousers and ripped the bottom, using the torn strip of cloth to tie a tourniquet around her profusely bleeding hand.

"You're going to be fine, Rose. You hear me?" he spoke to her unconscious form as he placed his hand on the side of her face. "You're going to be just fine. I promise. I'm here. I'm here and I am _not_ leaving you. Not ever. I swear."


	20. Chapter 20

**A shifting in the right direction as things _finally _begin to fall into place.**

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><p>It was the middle of the night as Rose woke slowly, feeling groggy and disoriented, her head throbbing in pain. As awareness began to rouse her senses, Rose's eyes slowly blinked open. Her vision swam into focus, and she saw the concerned face of the Doctor looking back into her eyes. He sat in a chair pulled up beside her, leaning forward with his arms resting on the side of the bed. Her first thought was that she had never seen him look quite so haggard. There was such pain and distress in his eyes that he was trying to hide behind a broken smile.<p>

"Hey there," he said softly, as he reached past her bandaged right hand and took her left hand in his, gently stroking her skin with his thumb in soft circles.

"Hi," Rose replied weakly, her throat feeling dry as her voice cracked on the word.

Rose blinked her eyes several more times and turned her head to look at her surroundings. The stark white walls and clinical smell clearly told her she was in a hospital. Rose shut her eyes once more as the dark memories of how she ended up here came flooding back. The Doctor sensed her tensing as she recalled the attack and he gently squeezed her hand in a reassuring manner.

"It's okay, Rose," he assured her in a soothing voice. "Everything's fine. You're safe. And the man who did this to you was arrested."

Rose opened her eyes once more, her face turned towards the window as she gazed out at the darkness. "I thought he was gonna kill me," she said shakily. "Last thing I remember was him standin' over me with a knife." Rose drew a ragged breath and turned her head to look back at the Doctor as another memory began to surface. "But then I thought…I thought I heard your voice."

"I was there," the Doctor said. "I found you." He glanced away from her eyes and down to her bandaged hand. "But I didn't get there soon enough," he added quietly.

"It sounds like you must've gotten there just in time," Rose corrected, drawing his eyes back to hers.

He shook his head. "You shouldn't have been alone to begin with. I–"

"Doctor," Rose cut in, her voice feeling a little stronger, "this wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself or take responsibility for every bad thing that ever happens – to me _or_ to the universe."

He smiled faintly. "I can try." Rose inwardly sighed. That was so very him.

"Besides," Rose continued, her voice soft, "you would've been there if I hadn't left the note telling you not to come." Rose turned her head once more and gazed blankly out the hospital window. "I just thought that it was better if…"

"I know," he shushed and soothed her, but there was sadness in his voice. "It's okay."

But it wasn't okay, and they both knew it. There was so much that needed to be said. So much they both wanted to now say, but neither one could find the right words, nor did this seem like the right time, so neither one said more about this issue between them. Rose was just grateful the Doctor was here, and the Doctor was grateful Rose was going to be okay. For now at least, everything else could wait.

"So, how soon before I can get out of here?" Rose asked, as she looked back over at him. "I know how you feel about hospitals," then added with a hint of a smile in her voice, "especially if they don't have a little shop."

He let out a small laugh. "At least this one isn't run by cat-Nuns," he replied. "But you've got a serious concussion, so they'll want to keep an eye on you for a little bit longer. At least through the night. You're recovering faster than they expected, though." He glanced towards the door, then back to Rose as he pulled out the sonic screwdriver. "I've made some modifications to this. Setting 4451. I've been using this at regular intervals to help speed your recovery when no one's looking. It would be a bit hard to explain to them otherwise. So you should be fully recovered soon. Once your head injury is healed, I'll start working on your hand," he promised, as he gently brushed his fingers across the top of her bandage.

Rose fought to keep her eyes from tearing up at the gentleness of his words as he spoke of taking care of her. "My Doctor," she said softly, meaning so much more than just his tending to her injuries.

He smiled gently, his own eyes suspiciously moist. "Always."

-:-

Colin and Sarah had come by the next morning to see Rose after learning from the Doctor what had happened. They assured her that Mr. Donovan had said for her to take as much time off as she needed. The Doctor swallowed his pride and took the opportunity to apologize to Colin for running him off the other night. Colin laughed it off and told him there were no hard feelings and that he was going to remember that trick himself for getting a girl's attention. That was one fence mended at least, the Doctor thought to himself.

Rose was released from the hospital later that day. The doctors were amazed at the speed of her recovery. The Doctor and Rose just exchanged knowing glances.

After being discharged, Rose and the Doctor arrived back at the flat. Once inside, he steered her to the couch and had her sit down as he began right away tending to her injured hand. He carefully unwrapped the bandage, revealing the deep wound. He then clicked on the sonic and began running the familiar blue light over the injury.

Rose winced at the initial burning sensation, but it quickly eased up.

"Sorry," the Doctor said sympathetically, "This will be a little uncomfortable at first." He could feel the intense emotions rising up in him once again as he thought about how Rose had been hurt. He thought back to when he had learned of how Jimmy Stone had once hurt her and he'd sworn to himself then that he would never allow something like that to ever happen to her again. He shuddered every time he thought of how easily he could have lost her. Something inside him snapped when he saw Rose lying on the ground. Something inside him had also _finally_ fallen into place.

The tension that remained between them was undeniably still there. They still _really_ needed to talk about things between them and the Doctor was finally ready to do that. And yet, with everything Rose had just been through she wasn't in the best shape to get into such a heavy conversation. They had certainly waited this long without saying what needed to be said between them, so he would just have to wait a little longer. Right now, Rose was injured and trying to get past the distress of the attack. It just wasn't the best time to start an emotional conversation that had once ended in such disaster. For now, he would tend to her hand. Later, if she would still let him, he would try to tend to her heart.

The Doctor focused his thoughts back to the task at hand. "If I could have gotten you to the TARDIS infirmary, I would've had you fixed up in no time," he commented regretfully, acutely aware, yet again, of the loss of his ship.

"'S okay. I'd say you've done a pretty good job of it already," Rose reassured him.

He switched off the sonic. The wound looked as if it was already in the beginning stages of healing but was still very sore. He then began to re-bandage her hand to give it protection. "That's as much as I can do for now, I'm afraid. It will have to heal on its own from here. It will still be very sore," he said apologetically. "But with the dermal regenerating process now accelerated, it should be nearly well by morning."

Rose smiled back at him. "Thank you," she said, pouring as much heartfelt gratitude as she could into her words.

-:-

They ordered dinner in that night, and after eating, Rose was feeling increasingly tired, still recovering and feeling emotionally and physically drained from the events of the night before. The Doctor insisted she get some rest. Rose agreed, and went into her room to get ready for bed.

She retrieved a pajama top and matching pair of shorts from the bureau. Rose used her uninjured hand to undo her jeans and shimmied out of them, then stepped into the shorts and pulled them on. She then turned her attention to her shirt.

It was then Rose realized she had a problem. Not only was she unable to use her bandaged hand, but her left shoulder was extremely sore from the impact of hitting the ground and she was unable to lift it over her head to pull off her shirt. The Doctor had used the modified setting on the sonic to help ease that pain too, but it wasn't yet healed. Puzzling over what to do, Rose thought briefly of asking the Doctor for help. She quickly squelched that idea, however. With the fragility of the way things were between them right now, it would just be much too…awkward. The nurse had helped her change back into her clothes before leaving the hospital, which meant she was once again wearing the same thing she'd had on during the attack. Rose wanted to be rid of it. But despite being desperate for a clean change of clothes, Rose decided she would just have to sleep in what she was wearing.

The Doctor must have known she would need help, though. As if sensing her needs, Rose heard him knock softly at her door.

"Rose?" he spoke tentatively through the door.

She bit her lip and hesitated for a moment. "Come in," she finally replied.

He turned the knob and stepped into the room, glancing about with a bit of nervousness as he tugged on his ear. "I just thought you might…well…need some help." He gestured vaguely in her direction.

Rose briefly glanced down at the shirt she was presently stuck in, then back up at him. She cleared her throat. "No, it's fine." She tried to sound unconcerned. "I thought I'd just sleep in this for tonight. I don't think I could get it off…I'm too sore. But that's fine."

The Doctor stepped closer to her. "But you need to be comfortable," he reasoned, not wanting Rose to go through anymore discomfort than she already had. This was a simple thing, and he wanted to do whatever he could for her.

"Here, let me help you." Without giving her time to reply, he turned and walked to her bureau, taking out a different sleep shirt for her than the one she had out. "If you put on one with buttons, you won't have to lift your arm to get it on," he explained as he turned back towards her with the new pajama top in his hand.

He then came back over and sat the top down on the bed before turning back and looking into her eyes. His face was soft and open and infinitely tender. "I can help you get this one off so it doesn't hurt you." The Doctor gently placed his hand on her arm and spoke softly as he asked for her trust. "Let me help you?"

Rose opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated, uncertain of how to reply. Oh, she shouldn't do this. She _really_ shouldn't do this, Rose thought. But not because she didn't trust him. If it were any other man suggesting this, she would scoff at him just trying to get a 'free show.' But the Doctor would never treat her that way. This was simply out of his lo– _care_ for her.

But still, Rose's initial instinct was to immediately decline, insisting it wasn't necessary. But his deep brown eyes were so open and soft as he regarded her with such gentleness, so much so that it overwhelmed her at its depth. So despite perhaps her better judgment, she found herself nodding a silent yes in reply.

Rose shifted nervously on her feet as he took another step closer. She could feel a blush creeping across her cheeks and wondered if he could hear her heart beginning to pound in her chest as his hands reached for the hem of her shirt. With exquisite gentleness, he managed to ease the shirt up and over her head, carefully maneuvering so it was done without hurting her.

Once divested of the garment, Rose couldn't quite meet his eyes as she stood there before him in only her shorts and bra. She had never been this exposed in front of him, and despite the gentleness of the moment, she couldn't help but feel a rush of desire flowing through her standing with him like this.

The Doctor was currently fighting down the same feeling. His only intention in doing this was to help her. But Rose was stirring something inside him that was difficult to control, and this from a man who was usually an expert at tamping down such feelings. He forced his eyes, now darkening with desire, to focus on something, _anything_, other than the rise and fall of her chest. Swallowing thickly, the Doctor moved to the side and picked up the pajama top from the bed, then stepped back in front of her. He very gently slipped her arms into the garment, then pulled it forward around her chest.

Rose had to remind herself to breathe as his fingers lightly grazed her skin as he slowly fastened the buttons, one by one.

_This shouldn't be erotic, _Rose repeated to herself firmly. _I'm injured and he's simply helping me. _

But it was. _Oh_, it was.

He fastened the last button, then slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. They were so close now. Rose could feel his breath on her skin each time he exhaled, his breathing just a bit quicker than normal. His eyes roamed her face, and ever so slowly, he lifted his hand to her cheek, softly tracing the swell of her cheekbone with his thumb as her eyes briefly fell shut.

"There, that's better," he murmured.

Rose nodded ever so slightly. "Yeah, much better," she breathed. "Thank you."

The Doctor found himself entertaining thoughts that he _really_ shouldn't be at this moment. If he were to kiss her, if he were to touch his lips to hers, would her thoughts be on the vile man who forced himself on her the night before? The irony didn't escape him that for a Time Lord, his timing of finally wanting to let go and give in to his feelings was lousy. He would wait. If she would have him, he would wait.

He smiled softly as he lowered his hand from her face and took a small step back. Rose watched as he switched off the bedside lamp with a soft click and then turned down the covers on the bed.

He came back over beside her. "You should get some rest now."

The Doctor then turned to walk back to the door and leave. Rose was suddenly struck with the overwhelming need for him stay. She didn't want to be alone after what she'd just gone through. But even more than that, she didn't want to be without _him_.

This might be pushing things between them too far once again, but Rose was thinking with her heart and not her head as she spoke up just as his hand reached for the door.

"Doctor?" He turned back towards her. Rose hesitated, glancing down at the floor before bringing her eyes back to his. "Could you stay?" she breathed out. "Just for a little while. At least until I'm asleep?"

She expected it to now be his turn to hesitate. But he didn't. He took his hand off the door and slowly moved back over towards her. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Rose wasn't really sure of much at the moment, but she was sure of one thing: she didn't want to be without him. "Yeah," she whispered.

He nodded. "Okay."

Rose turned towards the bed and eased in beneath the covers, scooting herself over to give the Doctor enough room beside her. He took off his jacket and tie, then slid off his shoes before settling beside her in the bed.

Rose turned to face him as he eased himself down, giving her plenty of room, not crowding her and keeping, as usual, a safe distance between them. But that distance made her ache for him all the more. She remembered how it felt the night they danced and he held her so close against him. She yearned for that closeness again. Rose wanted to bury herself in his chest and lose herself inside him.

Soft light from the street below filtered through the thin white curtain of the window, bathing his features in a warm, muted glow. Even in the dim light, his eyes were so deep, so intense, as he gazed at her. He seemed to reach the same conclusion about the space separating them. After a few silent moments passed between them, he opened his mouth and spoke two words she didn't expect to hear from him in this situation that already pushed their boundaries.

"Come here."

His words were spoken soft and low as he turned fully towards her on his side and raised his arm in invitation. Wordlessly, Rose moved closer until his arm came to rest securely around her waist and his chest became her pillow.

Rose closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, breathing him in. The comforting warmth of his body and his protective arm around her chased away the nightmare of what had happened to her the night before. She had once chased away his nightmares, and now he did the same for her. Rose had never felt as safe and secure as she did right here in his arms.

This is where she belonged, Rose realized. Right beside him. Always. She had thought a few nights ago that she couldn't bear to stay with him and not move their relationship any closer than where it was. But now she knew she couldn't possibly live without him. No matter how much it hurt to long for the things they could never have and never share together, it was more bearable than the thought of not being with him at all.

Rose settled in her heart that she would stay. No matter what, she would stay. If he tried to take her back home once they were back in the TARDIS, then she would do whatever it took to convince him that she didn't want to leave him – even if it meant forever keeping that distance between them and never crossing that line. Even if her heart broke a thousand times over her lifetime with him, she decided in this moment it would still be worth it if it meant she would be with him. But Rose was unaware that something was changing. Something was shifting between them.

As the Doctor lay there with Rose in his arms, it frightened him how much he needed this. How much he needed _her_. He could have so easily lost her last night. And because of his cowardice, she would have died having never known the depth of his feelings for her. Rose had said the other night that she couldn't do this anymore. Neither could he. He was so tired of running. He could no longer keep her at a distance from him. He only had two options: walk away now and leave her for good or give himself fully to her. The latter undeniably terrified him, but the former wasn't even an option. There was never a time when it had been, if he were completely honest with himself.

He would one day lose her. It was inevitable. And he didn't even want to think of that immense pain. Yet that was always going to be the case from the moment he'd let Rose into his life. Holding himself back from her would not change that. But he could also _have_ her. For however much time they could have together, they could have it all. That was something he would carry within him forever, never to be lost. And he would not carry the painful regrets over what _could_ have been. He'd had enough regrets in his long life. He never wanted to have any more. Especially not with Rose.

But he didn't just want to give in to the passion he felt for Rose and have a quick tumble while holding back the deeper things. He wanted so much more. It's what he had wanted deep inside for so very long and why the very thought terrified him. After the loss of his people, this was something he thought he would never have with another. He wanted Rose as his Bond Mate – body, mind and soul. This was the reason why his feelings for Rose had shaken him to the core. He knew what they had between them could never just be casual. But if he allowed that bond between them she would see into his very soul. She would see all the things he had kept buried so deep within – things he desperately wished he himself did not have to see. But as painful as opening himself to her might be, there needs to be honesty. He could not take Rose for himself without her truly knowing him. He would not do that to her.

This was a decision that frightened him perhaps more than anything in his life ever had. But if he had the courage to see it through, then he would have what his hearts had longed for almost from the very moment he took Rose's hand and began to live again.

When they had tried discussing the depth of their relationship before, the Doctor had turned it into a disaster. He was not going to make that mistake again. He had hurt Rose so badly the night he refused to let himself tell her how he felt. He never again wanted to be the one to cause her pain. After all of his ambiguity and mixed signals and his inability to open up to her when she laid it on the line and asked him how he felt, the Doctor knew he was going to have to earn her trust. He now had a single quest: to win the heart of Rose Marion Tyler.

The Doctor drew a deep breath and tightened his hold on Rose as she lay sleeping against his chest. He just hoped with every fiber of his being that he _did_ have the courage to see this through. Once he crossed that line with her, there would be no turning back.


	21. Chapter 21

**A transitional chapter into the next phase of the Doctor and Rose's journey. The Doctor has a surprise in store for Rose. ;)**

**I just want to say thank you again to each one of you who has given such encouraging reviews. It's your encouragement that has kept me writing even when my hectic schedule has threatened to get the better of me. **

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><p>Rose drifted awake the next morning to the blissful feeling of the Doctor spooned against her back. For a moment, she thought she must still be dreaming, but as she became fully awake, Rose realized it wasn't a dream. The Doctor was still in bed with her. He had stayed through the night. She had half-expected him to leave during the night once she was asleep; but this time there was no note left for her beneath the sonic in his absence. Knowing that he had stayed with her sent a wave of warmth through her body. The only thing that dampened her joy of waking up in the Doctor's arms was knowing it was something that probably would never happen again. With that rueful thought in mind, Rose decided to relish every second of the moment while it lasted.<p>

She closed her eyes once again and savored the feel of him. His body was cooler than hers, yet still pleasantly warm and comfortingly strong against her. His soft breaths caressed the skin at the back of her neck while his arm rested securely across her waist. Rose wished she could just live here in this moment. She didn't want it to end.

Rose thought the Doctor was asleep behind her, but then she felt him move ever so slightly. Slowly, he began leaning forward. Rose could feel his breath coming even closer, making her pulse quicken. She remained still, her eyes closed, as she felt the faintest brush of his lips against the skin of her cheek. His touch was so light she barely felt it, yet it sent a tingle through her skin where his lips had just touched. She yearned for more. He was so close. Just a slight turn of her head and their lips would meet.

But just as that bold thought entered her mind, she felt the Doctor's arm loosen from around her as he eased back. Rose had to fight back her feeling of disappointment, but she knew it was for the best. If she was going to spend her life with him never pushing for them to be more than friends, then she couldn't act upon her feelings of wanting more.

Rose slowly opened her eyes and turned over to face him. She knew the reasons why she had to say no to her desires, but that didn't make him any less sexy at that moment in his rumpled shirt, with sleep-mussed hair and light stubble on his face as he propped himself up on his elbow and gazed back at her.

A slow, lazy smile spread across his face as her eyes met his. Rose's heart skipped a beat just from the way he looked at her. For a moment, Rose thought she saw something different behind his eyes, as if he was looking at her in a way he never quite had before – a way she had so often longed for. But she filed it away as simply wishful thinking.

"Hello," he greeted softly, his warm smile still in place.

"Hi," she replied, smiling back. "You stayed."

"Of course I did." His expression was warm and gentle, but then a look of uncertainty crossed his face. "Is that okay?"

Rose's smile broadened. "'Course it is. I'd hoped you would." _And you can stay tonight and the next and the next…, _her silent thoughts added.

He seemed very, very pleased by her reply. "Good."

"Yeah."

They held each other's gaze for a moment before his eyes moved down to her bandaged hand. "How are you feeling?"

Rose touched the bandage experimentally and flexed her fingers. She crinkled her nose. "It itches."

"That's a good sign." They both sat up, and the Doctor took her hand in his as he began to unwrap the bandage. New pink skin had formed over the wound in her hand. It was still slightly tender, but not enough to keep her from being able to use it. The soreness in her shoulder was nearly gone as well, and Rose smiled to herself as she suspected the Doctor had been treating her again with the sonic in the night as she slept.

Rose reached for his hand and took it in hers. "Thank you."

The Doctor smiled and opened his mouth to speak, but then seemed to be searching for the words he wanted to say, so instead he simply nodded.

Rose knew they needed to talk. That was an understatement. They couldn't just let things between them stand the way they were after what had been said that night at the club. She needed to tell him that she had made her choice to stay with him and that she wouldn't push for things to change. She would tell him that their relationship didn't have to be all or nothing, just so long as they stayed together.

"Doctor," she began a bit hesitantly, "we need to talk…about a lot of things. About everything."

The Doctor drew in a slow, deep breath. "I know. I know, and we will – I promise." He looked up at her as he tugged on his ear. "I know I'm not exactly the best when it comes to…opening up about…things." _Well, that was a start,_ Rose thought to herself. "But we will talk, Rose. There is so much I want–" He shook his head. "No, so much I _need_ to say to you. But just…give me a little bit more time, okay? There's something I want to do first. And I want to do it right this time."

Rose wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but as long as he agreed to talk at some point she supposed that would have to do. "Okay," she agreed, yet she needed him to know this much at least, "But I need you to know I'm not leaving. I know what I…what I'd said, but…"

Her stammering came to an end as the Doctor beamed at her and lifted her hand to his lips, grateful relief washing over him. Her stomach fluttered as he placed a light kiss to the inside of her palm. "And I'm not leaving you, Rose." A frown creased his brow as he lowered her hand back down. "Weeell, I say not leaving, but I don't mean in the literal sense of never being out of each other's sight. That could get a little impractical." Rose chuckled in spite of herself. The Doctor cleared his throat. "And actually, there's something I really need to go do. Would you be okay here for just a little while?" he asked. The Doctor didn't want to just up and leave, but he had been making plans in the night and he was determined to follow through with this.

Rose quirked her lips in a smile. "You're being awfully mysterious."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Yes, I am. But you'll find out soon enough."

"Go on, then," she grinned. "I'll be fine."

With a final bright smile, the Doctor stood from the bed and picked up his jacket and trainers as he left the room. Rose's smile faded as she let out a sigh. She didn't want to doubt him. But considering their history, she hoped this wasn't just a diversionary tactic to keep from having to talk about things between them.

-:-

The longer the Doctor was gone, the more Rose wondered just what he was up to. Forget the Face of Boe, Rose thought to herself, the _Doctor _was the one who had Textbook Enigmatic down to an art. She mused over the possibilities of what he might be doing as she stood in her room folding laundry. It was mundane tasks like that which made Rose miss the TARDIS all the more. She had come to realize the Doctor had ruined her for the slow path and the ordinary way of life. She was itching for the stars again and almost as eager as he undoubtedly was to return to traveling. A little over three weeks, and they would finally be back out there again where they belonged.

Rose was putting away the last of her laundry as she heard the Doctor come in the front door.

"Rose?" he called.

Rose couldn't help the smile that spread across her face upon hearing his voice. He always seemed to have that effect on her. Every time the Doctor was near she felt a rush of happiness, and Rose knew she could spend every day with him for the rest of her life and never lose that feeling. And after the events of the past few days, it was a welcome relief to feel that once again rather than pain.

Rose quickly tucked away the last of her clothes in the bureau and walked to the living room to greet him.

"You're back," she said happily, not even trying to hide the joyful smile on her face.

"I'm back," he agreed, matching her smile with his own.

Rose suddenly had the overwhelming urge just to be in his arms. She had spent all night in his embrace and she now felt void without him. She craved the feel of his arms around her once more.

That was all the reason she needed. Catching him a little off guard, Rose hurried forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, tucking her head beneath his chin as she laid the side of her face against his chest.

His arms came up to encircle her a moment later. "What's this for?" he asked, surprised by her sudden burst of affection, but not in any way complaining.

Rose shrugged, still holding him and feeling completely content in this moment. "Just b'cause."

He made a happy sound in his throat as he smiled and held her just a bit tighter. "I think I like your 'just because'."

She hummed. "Me too."

"I think I have something else you're going to like," he said, smiling down at the top of her head and looking rather pleased with himself.

Rose looked up at him curiously. She released him and took a step back as he reached in his jacket, pulled out an envelope and handed it to her.

"What is it?" Rose queried, as she looked at the envelope then back up at him.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, grinning. "Why don't you open it and see?"

With her tongue peeking out between her teeth as she grinned, Rose quickly opened it up and pulled out two slips of paper.

"Plane tickets," she said in surprise and delight. "To _Antigua_?"

"I know a lovely little spot on the southwest coast. I haven't been there in years. Oh Rose, you'll love it!" he enthused. "Gorgeous beaches, crystal clear water – and I know someone down there who owes me a favor. Bit of an issue with a sea monster I took care of a few years back." He gazed off in thought as he began to ramble on about that particular memory. "I say 'sea monster,' but actually it was an Aquatimere life form from the planet Laxifoss with a rather nasty disposition," he began, then switched gears back to the original subject. "Long story. But! The point is, I have a few fairly impressive connections down there, and I can get us a prime location right on the beach."

"So it'd be like a holiday," she said, feeling enthusiastic about the idea, and also thrilled by the thought of traveling somewhere new with the Doctor again – even if it was by plane and not by TARDIS.

"Exactly! A proper holiday," he beamed. "We can just stay right there for the next three weeks until we're able to go back to the TARDIS." The Doctor's enthusiasm calmed as his voice became subdued. "And I thought you might just want to get away from things for a little while after…well, after…everything." He swallowed and gazed down, pain evident in his eyes as he thought again of the attack and what Rose had gone through.

Rose reached out and took his hand. "'S okay. _I'm_ okay," she smiled softly. "And I would _love_ this. Thank you." But her smile turned into a frown as she began to think it through. "Hold on, though. Can we afford it?" she asked. That wasn't something they usually had to think about when traveling by TARDIS, but things were just a little different for them at the present.

The Doctor looked offended, giving her the '_are you actually questioning me'_ look. "Rose Tyler, what do you take me for?" he asked indignantly.

"A man who still isn't used to having to actually pay for things, and if it weren't for me would still be trying to sonic the nearest cashpoint whenever you pleased and would have probably ended up in jail by now," she said, with a teasingly-sweet smile on her face.

The Doctor scoffed. "I'll have you know that I actually _paid_ for those plane tickets, thank you very much. And I told you, I have connections in Antigua. So everything else is taken care of. I've already turned in my early resignation at the school, and they always knew your work at Donovan's was on a temporary basis. So as long as you feel up to it, we can leave first thing tomorrow." A slow smile made its way across his face, causing Rose's breath to catch. "So what'd you say, Rose Tyler. Join me for three weeks in a tropical paradise?"

How could she refuse such an offer? "I'd love to!" Rose exclaimed as she hugged him once more.

Despite her enthusiasm, however, Rose still felt lingering doubts. She couldn't help but think maybe this was just the Doctor doing what he always did best: running into the next adventure as a distraction from the feelings between them. But then again, he _had_ said they would talk. And what better place to do that than the two of them alone together on a tropical island? So if this was how he wanted to do it, she was okay with that. They both knew they were going to stay together, and for now, that was enough. And three weeks spent alone with the Doctor on the beaches of the eastern Caribbean was _not_ something Rose was going to complain about. There wasn't exactly much time for deep conversation at that moment anyway. The trip was so sudden. If they were leaving this life in Kendal the next day, then there was packing to be done, loose ends to tie up, and goodbyes to be made.

The Doctor smiled warmly as he hugged Rose back. But behind his smile was repressed fear. He knew what was going to happen between him and Rose on this trip would change them both forever, and he finally felt ready for that. But when he opened himself fully to Rose and she knew him – truly knew him – would she still want to be with him? Or would seeing the things he kept buried, the things that haunted him from within, be too much and drive her away.

Regardless of whatever happened, the Doctor wanted to take Rose away from here. This trip wasn't about seducing her. He wanted to take her somewhere beautiful and tranquil, where it would just be the two of them alone when he opened himself to her and uncovered his soul. But he had other reasons as well. He felt the need to get Rose away from this place where he had almost lost her. He would like to believe that the storm he had felt approaching was the incident that had already occurred, but the Doctor couldn't shake the feeling that there was still something else. Something more coming. Whatever it was, he wanted to take Rose far away and keep her safe and secure, sheltered from the storm.


	22. Chapter 22

**This was originally going to be divided into two chapters, but I think it just works better as one. That means, however, that this is twice as long as most of the others, so apologies if this seems to stretch on. **

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><p>For Rose, leaving Kendal was bitter-sweet. She was thrilled at the prospect of the journey she and the Doctor were about to take, but she would always have cherished memories of the life the two of them had shared here these past few months. It had brought them closer together, nearly torn them apart, and in the end, was about to lead to something more than either of them could have once imagined.<p>

Rose had also made good friends here, and she'd known she would miss Colin and Sarah when it came time to say goodbye. But as the goodbyes were made, she promised to come back again sometime for a visit. Rose fought back the urge, as she had on many occasions, to tell them about the TARDIS. It was one thing to tell people about traveling through time and space in a blue box that was bigger on the inside when you actually had the TARDIS there as proof. Since she and the Doctor didn't have the TARDIS back yet, her story would have made her sound like she'd gone 'round the bend. Rose did, however, entertain the humorous thought that maybe she and the Doctor would just, quite literally, drop in on them sometime once the two of them were back in the TARDIS.

Since the flat Rose and the Doctor had been living in had come furnished, the only belongings they had to pack were their clothes and all of the Doctor's various bits and bobs that somehow all seemed to fit neatly into his pockets. Just before leaving, Rose made a quick shopping trip for a few new articles of clothing appropriate for the tropics, while the Doctor converted all of the electronics and appliances in the flat back to their original state to avoid bewildering the future tenants.

In what seemed like no time at all, they departed. Rose had wondered if the Doctor had even flown on a plane before. She learned he had, of course; but it had been a while. He then, predictably, began giving her a first-hand account of the Wright brothers' first flight. Overall, however, the Doctor's demeanor throughout the flight was uncharacteristically subdued. But beneath the surface Rose could sense a pulsing current of anxiousness – much like she was feeling herself.

Throughout the flight to Antigua, Rose was feeling a buzz of nervous excitement. It felt thrilling to be traveling with the Doctor again – even if it wasn't through time and space. But more than that, the feeling Rose had was coming from the anticipation of what was going to happen between the two of them on this trip. She had a sense that everything was about to change in a profound way.

-:-

At last, they landed at their destination; and in that moment as the Doctor's eyes met hers, Rose knew without a doubt he still wanted more. He wanted more with her and Rose could barely contain her exhilaration. And yet, she had known he wanted more the moment she confronted him that night at the club. But he'd backed away and had not allowed himself to give in to what he wanted. If he was actually, _finally_ going to let this happen between them, then Rose knew he was going to have to take this at his own pace. But whisking her off on what could definitely be called a romantic getaway was certainly a progressive start.

Upon arriving, the Doctor and Rose took a taxi to St. John's, and from there, hired a car that took them to the southwest coast. The road wound through the unspoiled beauty of lush tropical hills as they neared their destination on the coast. Antigua had some of the most secluded beaches in the Caribbean, and not all of them easily accessible.

They finally reached a point where the winding road would take them no further and they would have to go the remaining short distance on foot. When the Doctor said this location was secluded, apparently he wasn't kidding, Rose thought to herself as they began making their way down a curving path leading towards the coastline. They left their luggage at the top of the path and the Doctor said he would fetch it later. For now, he was anxious to show Rose this place he had chosen for her as they meandered hand-in-hand down the sandy trail.

The two of them reached a clearing at the end of the path which opened into a breathtaking cove.

"Oh, this is _beautiful_," Rose gasped, as she gazed in awe at the panorama that lay before her. The pristine white sand gleamed in the bright sunlight, edged by water so clear it literally took her breath away as it dazzled like a sparkling turquoise gemstone. A little ways back off the beach nestled amidst a clearing of tall palm trees stood a thatched-roof bungalow, with a wide veranda stretching across its width and overlooking the water.

"Told you I had connections," the Doctor beamed proudly, pleased by her reaction. "So you like it, then?"

Rose turned to him, a huge smile lighting up her face. "I love it! Thank you." She threw her arms around him in a joyous hug, then took him by the hand and pulled him along with her. "C'mon, let's go see the inside!"

They walked up the steps leading into the bungalow and both swept their gaze around once inside. It was a completely open air floor plan, with a kitchen to the left of the living area and a bedroom off to the right.

After meandering through the fully-stocked kitchen, Rose walked across the living area through the wide, open doorway to the bedroom.

Her heart began to quicken in her chest as she beheld the beautiful room. The bedroom wall facing the front of the bungalow was open, extending out to the veranda. A breeze from the ocean carried into the room and swirled about in a soft caress. In the center of the room stood a large bed made of rich mahogany. A sheer, white gauze canopy was draped across the tall posters of the bed and fluttered serenely in the gentle ocean breeze, amplifying the romantic ambiance of the room.

Rose's thoughts fell to the single bed. The Doctor apparently could have arranged for them to stay anywhere, but he chose this very place. This very place with only one bedroom. Rose tried to tell herself not to read too much into the Doctor's intentions. It seemed they were undoubtedly moving things ahead. But this far? Rose reminded herself that he didn't even need to sleep that often, so this room may only be intended for her. But still, if they were going to be staying here for three weeks, he would no doubt need to sleep _some_ during that time. Rose had now shared a bed with the Doctor on two occasions, and the thought of sharing a bed with him again (even if it was just for sleeping) sent an undeniably pleasant thrill through her. But something told her they would be sharing more than sleep. Maybe it was the almost spellbinding atmosphere of this place, but she could feel something immense rising between them.

The Doctor had followed her into the bedroom a moment later and now stood behind her. "Is this alright, Rose?" he asked, his voice low and as soft as the breeze that filled the room. He was so close now she could feel his breath whisper across her ear as he spoke, sending a tingle down her spine.

Rose turned to him, and saw such intense emotion swirling in his rich chocolate eyes that it caused her breath to catch. She knew his question carried much more meaning than just her opinion of the room in general. This was about so much more. This was about what would be shared between them in this place. The words that passed silently between them as they gazed into each other's eyes conveyed volumes more than spoken words could at that moment.

"Yes," Rose finally managed, as she breathed out on a whisper, "this is perfect."

In that instant, Rose thought this was finally going to be one of the moments she had dreamed of for so very long. They would kiss and it would be rapturous. It was completely beyond her at this moment how they had ever gone so long without this. Their lips would meet in a mixture of passion, love, and ecstasy as she had yearned for _so_ many times.

The Doctor's eyes flicked momentarily from her own, down to her lips, and then back to her eyes as he began to lean forward almost imperceptibly, his mouth slightly parted and his breath ghosting across her face as she moistened her lips in anticipation, forcing her eyes not to fall closed just yet. Rose wanted to look into his eyes as their lips drew near and touched.

But then he paused, and pulled back slightly, a look of uncertainty suddenly overtaking his face. Rose wanted to whimper. He drew a breath and rubbed the back of his neck as he turned his head to look back out into the main room.

"I'll just go…go back and get your things and bring them in for you so you can get unpacked," he offered, as he then turned and left the room.

The Doctor mentally kicked himself again and again as he walked away. He was here to win her heart and win her trust by showing Rose he was not backing away from this. Yet here he was doing this same old dance. He was sick of it. But it seemed the walls he had so carefully constructed between him and Rose were not going to come down so easily. It wasn't that he didn't want this. Everything within his body and soul was screaming for it. But he knew once he made that first move with Rose, once he took that first step, he would be in a free-fall. There would be no stopping and no turning back. His soul would be laid open before her, and he was terrified of what she would see.

Rose fought back her growing frustration as she watched his retreating pinstriped form. They were so, so close now – teetering on the edge of something incredible. Yet he still seemed unable to fully let go and take that step. Now he seemed to be backpedaling…_again_. Rose just hoped this wasn't going to be three weeks of intense moments between them, followed immediately by withdraw and denial.

She'd had enough of that to last a lifetime.

-:-

After the Doctor had retrieved the luggage, Rose began unpacking her things while he offered to prepare them a lunch in the kitchen that had been fully-stocked in preparation for their stay. Carrying in her luggage, making her lunch, and bringing her on this grand trip in the first place – it was clear to Rose the Doctor was making an effort to be chivalrous, and she found it very endearing.

After eating a light meal of sandwiches on fresh crusty bread and an assortment of luscious tropical fruits, the Doctor asked Rose if she wanted to go exploring around the beach. That sounded fine for later on, but at the moment Rose had other ideas.

"I've been wanting to get in that water since I first laid eyes on it," Rose said longingly as she gazed out the front of the bungalow towards the ocean. She grinned as she hopped up from the table. "C'mon, let's go for a swim!"

He grinned back. "As you wish, Rose Tyler."

Rose went into the bedroom, retrieved one of the new bathing suits she'd packed for the trip, and slipped into the en-suite to get changed. She heard the Doctor come into the bedroom a minute later to change. A sultry smile played at her lips as Rose thought about seeing the Doctor in a pair of swim trunks. Her smile broadened to a grin as she wondered briefly if they would be pinstriped. Seeing him in jeans on that one occasion was one thing, but this was even more enticing.

Rose changed into a white bikini, tying the halter top securely behind her neck, then twisted her hair up on her head. She gave herself a quick look in the mirror, satisfied with the result. There was enough material to the bikini to keep it from being in the scandalous category, but there was certainly much more on display than usual. If the Doctor's reaction that time he gaped at her in the bathtub was any indication, then something told Rose he would most likely approve of this.

Before stepping out, Rose slipped on a sheer white cover-up and grabbed a bottle of sunscreen, then walked through the bedroom, out to the veranda and down onto the beach. The Doctor was just spreading a large beach towel out on the sand as she stepped out. Rose was not disappointed as she got her first glimpse of him wearing something quite different from his usual suits. The Doctor was barefoot, wearing a pair of dark blue swim trunks and a loose white, short sleeve, button-down shirt. She tried not to stare. Honestly she did. But he was just so…_hot_. He looked so laid-back and sexy, with the ocean breeze ruffling through his frankly gorgeous hair. He might be a Time Lord, but he was also a _man_; and being one certainly didn't negate the other.

Rose took a breath to regain her composure and strode casually towards him. The Doctor glanced up at Rose as she approached. Now it was his turn to stare. The sheer cover-up she wore left nothing to the imagination of what was beneath. He wondered briefly why she had ever put it on since she would be taking it right back off again to swim. Unless she wanted to tempt him by slowly taking it off in front of him, the tease. Not that he was complaining. But tempting him wasn't necessary. Rose had already driven him to distraction.

The Doctor sat himself down on the towel with his long legs stretched out in front of him, leaning back on his elbows. He tried to appear relaxed and casual as he tilted his head and smiled up at Rose, despite the fact that his hearts were beating just a bit faster than usual. The Doctor told himself he should be used to that by now when it came to being around Rose.

Rose smiled back. Then, with her eyes still locked on his, she reached for the hem of her cover-up and began slowly pulling it up and off.

Tease.

Definitely.

Remaining calm, cool and collected was becoming increasingly difficult as the Doctor watched, unable to tear his eyes away. Rose couldn't help but notice his riveted gaze. Unable to resist, she called him on it.

"Like what you see, then?" she asked cheekily, the tip of her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

The Doctor blinked, and his eyes snapped back up to hers. He floundered a moment for a reply, then reminded himself he was trying to make an effort to be romantic here. He cleared his throat and gave it a try. "Your…your anatomical proportions are very pleasing."

Rose stared at him for a few seconds, then snorted in laughter. "Thanks…I _think_" The Doctor frowned at her reaction of humor and made a mental note to brush up on his language of romance.

Rose then dropped to her knees beside him on the towel. She opened the bottle of sunscreen, squeezed some into her hands and began rubbing it across her arms in long, slow strokes. Once again, the Doctor found himself transfixed, as she then moved to glide her fingers across the top of her chest, then down her stomach, and finally down her long, toned legs. Was she trying to be this erotic, or was it just a natural born talent? The Doctor didn't much care. All he knew was he was enjoying the view.

Rose then turned to him and held out the bottle of sunscreen. "Could you do my back?" she asked innocently, as if she were completely unaware of the effect she was already having on him.

The Doctor's Adam's apple bobbed visibly in his throat as he swallowed. "Yeah, 'course," he replied, trying to sound composed, but his voice coming out gravelly instead.

Rose scooted around so her back was towards him. The Doctor squeezed a dollop of cream into his palms and rubbed them together, then placed his hands on her back. Rose wondered if he could feel her tremble as his hands touched her skin. She didn't know the Doctor was fighting to keep his hands from trembling also as he swept them across her smooth flesh. Rose closed her eyes and held back a moan of pleasure as his palms trailed across her shoulders, down her back, then slowly journeyed back up.

He repeated the motion in several sweeping strokes before he finished, still keeping one hand resting on her bare shoulder as he spoke. "There you are," he said, his voice rich and low.

Rose opened her eyes and turned her head to look over her shoulder at him. "Thank you," she responded breathily.

In reply, the Doctor indulged in something he would've desired to do in the past but would have held back. He leaned forward slowly and brushed her shoulder with his lips in the softest of touches. He knew in that moment the taste of Rose's skin on his lips was something he would forever crave and could never get enough of. That wasn't _all_ he wanted. He wanted more. So much more. But he needed to take this a step at a time. This wasn't exactly the sort of thing he could just plunge into – even if they had been building towards this for over two years. There was too much at stake. This was something he thought he would _never_ do; and he had to do this right if he was going to do this at all.

Or so he told himself. The truth of it was he was terrified and still feeling uncertain of himself. Being romantic, being open, and baring his soul wasn't exactly usual or familiar territory for the Doctor. He was so far out of his depth with this he felt like he was drowning.

The Doctor realized he needed to take a deep breath and just relax. Just let things happen. This was him and this was Rose and every moment between them was nothing less than perfect. He was going to enjoy every second of his time with her. He decided that right at this moment he just wanted to see her happy and full of joy and laughing with complete abandon in the way that made his hearts soar.

Before Rose had a chance to react to the whisper of a kiss he had placed on her skin, he jumped to his feet, taking her by the hand and pulling her up with him. She looked at him curiously. Then, acting on impulse, he swept her into his arms as she squealed at the unexpected move, and carried her to the water.

"You said you wanted to swim. And you, Rose Tyler, are entirely too dry," he said playfully, his intent clear as he neared the edge of the water.

"Don't you _DARE_!" Rose shrieked, as she kicked her feet and wiggled in his arms.

He flashed her a manic grin as he hoisted her up in the air, and she plunged back down into the water. Rose was just surfacing and wiping the water from her eyes as the Doctor pulled off his shirt and strode in, smirking at her.

"Oh, you are _so_ going to pay for that," she threatened, but the grin on her face said he was probably going to enjoy the payback. Quick as a flash, Rose launched herself towards him and leapt up, putting her hands on his head and pushing him under.

The Doctor broke the surface a second later and shook the water from his hair. "So that's the way we're going to play, is it?" He arched his brow, a look of mischief on his face as he then dove underwater and disappeared from sight.

Rose turned around rapidly in the water, looking this way and that. The water was clear, but he'd gone deep and somehow managed to vanish from sight. Oh, she _hated_ this. She'd had it done to her before and she hated it every time. Apparently even Time Lords knew this little game.

"Doctor, stop it!" she called. "This isn't funny. And besides – _you_ started it!" She had barely gotten the words out when the Doctor suddenly appeared beneath her and hoisted her onto his shoulders, up out of the water, and through the air as he tossed her backwards and she landed with a giant splash. This was war.

-:-

They continued their playful antics in the water, both forgetting about everything else in the universe and just simply lost in the joy of being with each other. The Doctor never felt such utter happiness as he did when he was with Rose. She made him feel so _alive_, and he didn't want it to ever end. He wanted to halt time and make this last forever. But he knew better than anyone that time waited for no one and was relentless in its passing. That's why he'd finally realized the need to seize every precious moment with Rose and live it to the full.

They stayed in the water for hours. Rose didn't remember ever feeling so completely happy. Only the Doctor had ever made her feel this way. It went beyond anything she could ever put into words. She loved this man more with each passing day, which was something she didn't think was possible.

Rose swam leisurely towards the Doctor and put her arms around his neck, using her tiredness from all the swimming of the past few hours as an excuse for him to simply hold her as she rested against him. He was more than happy to oblige as his arms came up to hold her around the waist, and they floated together in silent contentment. They had always been very tactile – always hugging and holding hands –but they seemed to reach a new level of comfort with each other in the water, a new level of closeness that neither one was backing away from.

Rose was struck yet again by the depth of her love for the Doctor, to the point where she felt her heart might burst from the magnitude of it. She reveled in the feel of his skin beneath her fingers with nothing separating them as she rested her hands on his strong, lean chest. He was gorgeous. Droplets of water trickled down the sides of his face, catching the sun and glimmering on the way down. His smattering of freckles was more prominent, and his skin was already taking on a slight bronze hue from the afternoon spent in the sun. Rose was unaccustomed to seeing the Doctor without all his layers of clothing, and seeing him like this now felt intensely intimate. He seemed more open and unguarded than she had ever seen him. He was still holding back – they both were; but she could feel things shifting between them. It was both terrifying and exhilarating.

The sun was beginning to sink lower in the sky and illuminated them both in a golden glow. Luxuriating in the feel of his bare skin beneath her fingers, Rose longed to run her hands down his firm torso, trailing her fingers down through the soft, chestnut hair on his chest and back up again. She was roused from her sensual daydream as she felt the Doctor tremor slightly beneath her hands, and she realized she had acted upon her fantasy and was softly caressing him in sweeping strokes. Rose stilled her movements and slowly looked up into the Doctor's deep brown eyes, which in that moment reflected more than just the sun. She could see reflected in them all the words he was not yet able to speak. But Rose knew the words his eyes were conveying because she felt them too; and their shared feelings passed wordlessly between them in silent understanding.

Rose understood in that moment this was something that could never have been rushed. This wasn't something they could simply throw themselves into. This had needed time. Something eternal was being created between them, and its beauty was breathtaking.

Catching her stolen breath and inhaling deeply, Rose brought her head forward and laid it on the Doctor's shoulder as his arms moved to encircle her more tightly and hold her closely against him. They stayed that way for several precious moments, entwined like lovers.

"You're tired," the Doctor finally spoke softly. "We should head in soon."

Rose didn't want this to end, and she prayed there would be more moments like this to come. But she was beginning to feel a little tired, and the day was far from over yet. With a bit of reluctance, Rose lifted her head and nodded.

Yet they both remained still, gazing into each other's eyes, so close. Rose watched as another droplet of water fell from his fringe and trailed down his forehead. She lifted her hand and traced its path with her finger. Then, able to think of nothing more in that moment other than how much she loved this man, Rose followed her finger with her lips, pressing them gently to his forehead. She pulled back and looked into his eyes as he smiled slowly. Encouraged by his response, Rose returned his smile as she leaned forward once again and placed another kiss to his cheek, then the other. She pulled back slowly as her eyes fell to his lips.

The lips that were moving towards her as the Doctor was the one closing the space between them. She felt his breath whisper across her face as he hovered for just a moment, then touched his lips to her forehead as she had done to his. It was soft and gentle, just a sweet press of his lips on her skin, but it was a touch they were both craving at that moment. He continued then, and mirrored her other actions as he brushed his lips across her cheek, then the other side, then her jaw. His lips moved lower and found their way to the pulse point of her neck and lingered there as Rose's hands instinctively came up and stroked through his hair as she released a long sigh of pleasure, her head falling back to allow him better access. Heat and love and desire coursed through her veins and pooled deep within her.

The Doctor slowly eased back and looked into her eyes. It was then she could see it: thousands of thoughts churning in his mind. He was about to make simple things complicated once again. Before he could open his mouth to speak Rose placed her fingers across his lips.

"Shhh," Rose whispered. "Later. Later we'll go back inside and get changed, and then we'll talk. _Really_ talk. About everything. But for now – just for right now – let's just let this moment be about _this moment_, yeah?" she breathed.

The Doctor swallowed and nodded. "Yes." He then pulled her close once more and held her against his chest, her head cradled in the crook of his neck. The Doctor knew that whatever came next, they would always have this moment.

Later, when they left the water and walked hand-in-hand across the beach back to the bungalow, it was not with a feeling of regret that the moment they shared had ended, but with intense anticipation that things had only just begun. This was the night that would forever define their future.


	23. Chapter 23

**The Doctor finally faces his demons, but crossing that last hurdle for the Doctor and Rose is not an easy one as repressed emotions finally come to the surface.**

***If you'd read this chapter previously you might notice an addition has been made since then. I edited out a part of this before posting, but then finally decided I liked the original version much better so I put it back in.**

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><p>Upon returning to the bungalow, Rose changed into a wispy, pale blue sundress and combed out her hair. It had dried in natural waves, and she simply smoothed it and let it flow free. Maybe she was overthinking this by far and even bordering on delusional, but something inside Rose had made her decide to put on a matching set of pale blue satin and lace knickers and bra. Even if <em>she<em> was the only one who would know, it somehow made her feel just that little bit more sensual and feminine. Rose then left the en-suite and moved through the bedroom and out onto the veranda to overlook the ocean as the sun was beginning to set in the sky. It was the picture of tranquil beauty. A soft breeze swept across her skin and lifted the ends of her hair from her shoulders. The sound of the surf gently lapping at the shore added to the serenity in the air.

She should be feeling nervous, Rose thought to herself, but she felt nothing but calm assuredness about this night. Rose touched her fingers to her lips and could still taste the Doctor upon them from the chaste kisses she'd placed on his skin; she could still feel the sensation of his own upon her at every place his lips had touched as a shiver of desire surged through her. But despite the magic and the beauty of the moment they had shared, Rose could still feel the Doctor's trepidation and was still unsure of how far he could allow himself to go.

She wasn't going to throw herself at him tonight. She wasn't going to try to force him to give her what she wanted. But Rose settled in her mind that he would know without a doubt of her love. Now was the time he would take all of her, or decide they could never be more; but he would know her love was unconditional and she would remain with him either way.

Rose heard the quiet footfalls of the Doctor from behind her as he entered the bedroom and stepped out to join her on the veranda. She turned her head and was met by his gorgeous smile. He had changed back into his brown pinstriped trousers, but had forgone the jacket and tie. The first few buttons at the collar of his light blue oxford were undone, and his shirtsleeves were rolled casually up, revealing his forearms, lightly tanned from the day in the sun. Like her, he was barefoot, and once again Rose felt a small thrill at seeing him so relaxed and open.

She smiled softly to the Doctor in return, her heart quickening simply at the sight of him, then turned her head back to admire the orange sunset reflecting off the water. The scene was breathtaking. But what caused her breath to catch was what came next. The Doctor came up to stand behind her, so close she could feel the heat of his body passing into hers. Then in a fluid motion, he enveloped her in his arms, drawing her back against him as he encircled her waist. Rose let out a soft breath of surprise, but then instantly melded into his embrace as if she had been made to fit in his arms. Maybe she had.

Her hands came up to rest over his own at her waist as she let her head fall back to lay against his chest. "This is beautiful," she murmured.

"Yes," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper as his breath danced across her ear. Rose felt her heart flutter in her chest. Everything between them this night felt different. Exhilarating and magical.

"Come here," he spoke softly into her ear, then he moved beside her and took her by the hand.

The Doctor led Rose down the beach to where he'd spread a blanket out on the sand. He sat, guiding Rose down beside him. They sat together for several moments in hushed, contemplative silence, their hands entwined together between them while they watched the setting sun as it seemed to disappear into the ocean.

The Doctor's mind was a jumble with all the words he wanted to say, but now that the moment he had planned was finally here, he didn't know where or how to even begin. He brought Rose here with the intention of baring his soul to her in offering, no matter how painful that might be. She deserved to know everything about him — both the bad and the good. He wanted her completely. And if he was going to have her then she needed to know. She needed to see.

"You're thinking too loudly," Rose finally spoke, as she leaned over and gently bumped his shoulder with hers.

The Doctor laughed softly as he turned and looked into her eyes. He had been planning this moment, trying to think of the right things to say and the right way to say it. But as he opened his mouth to speak, Rose spoke first. And the three words that passed from her lips rendered him speechless.

"I love you," Rose breathed. No more hiding or pretending or dancing around her feelings for him. The moment the words fell from her lips, Rose felt as if the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders. She had carried those words deep in her heart long before the Doctor had even regenerated into the man he was now. To finally be able to say them felt overwhelmingly liberating.

The Doctor stared at her, his eyes wide and a look of sheer wonder on his face. Rose swallowed and took a deep breath, then continued with what she felt needed to be said. "I want everything with you. Everything we can possibly have. No more holding back." Rose fought to keep her voice steady as she continued. "But I need you to know that my love is unconditional. It doesn't depend on what you can give me in return. I know I once said that being trapped in the middle was tearing us apart and that I couldn't do it anymore." Rose dropped her eyes from his as she looked down and continued softly. "But what I can't do is ever be without you. Even if it means we could never have more."

The Doctor reached forward and placed his finger under her chin, tilting her head back up to look into his eyes, her own wide and vulnerable. "What if I want us to have more?" His voice was soft, yet carried an intensity that matched his gaze.

Rose felt her entire body tremble as he spoke those words. "Do you?" she whispered.

His eyes were dark and penetrating and filled with passion. "Yes. Oh yes, Rose. So much more."

The _only_ thing keeping Rose from launching herself at him in that moment was the uncertainty she could still see lingering deep within his eyes, a reflection of what he carried within his soul.

"But wanting it still doesn't mean you could let it happen though, does it? Because you'll lose me one day and it would hurt too much." she said quietly, thinking that was the reason for the uncertainty he still held.

Rose was giving him a way out if he wanted to take it. Saying this for him so he wouldn't have to. The Doctor took a long, deep breath. This was the sort of thing he avidly avoided discussing. He'd become an expert in _not_ talking about it, in fact. But right now these things needed to be said.

"Rose, there isn't any possible way that losing you could ever hurt any less. But I've come to finally realize that holding myself back from you would only make the pain worse. Because then I would also have the pain of regret for the things we could've had but didn't. I don't want any more regrets in my life. And especially not with you." He traced soft circles on the top of her hand with his thumb as he exhaled deeply. "But there are other reasons, Rose. Reasons that make this so very selfish for me and unfair for you."

"Because you'll change?" Rose asked softly, after a pause. "You think it isn't fair for me to love someone who will one day become someone else?" Rose squeezed his hand gently. "That might not even happen in my lifetime. But even if it did, I loved you before you even became the man you are now. My feelings didn't change when you did, and they never will, no matter what. Even if you change, my love for you won't," she assured him.

Rose never ceased to amaze him. The list of reasons for that seemed to grow each day.

The Doctor smiled softly as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. They had not discussed this. There never seemed to be an appropriate time for it, really. But it was time Rose knew this as well.

"There's something you should know about that, Rose," The Doctor began. "The next time I regenerate, I won't necessarily have to change who I am." Rose's face was a mixture of astonishment and confusion as he went on to explain. "The Time Lords had a way of being able to control their regenerations to some extent. Control the outcome, so to speak. But it's something I've never put into practice. Each time I regenerated, even if it was unexpected, when the moment came I found I was ready to change, ready to be a new man. So I just let it happen and didn't try to control it. But the man that I am now, Rose...well, it's different."

The Doctor paused, trying to think of the best way to explain what he'd intrinsically known since he became this man. "This regeneration was very strongly influenced by you. The energy of the Vortex that flowed within you is the same energy that flowed through me seconds later and made me into who I am now. I even lost the Northern accent and came out sounding a bit more Southern – like you."

Rose's eyes went wide as she took in this revelation. "So you're saying you...what? Imprinted yourself on me? Like a...like a baby chick, or something?"

The Doctor chuckled softly. "I suppose you could say it was something like that."

Rose shook her head in complete amazement. "So this means you wouldn't have to change?" she whispered in awe.

"With this regeneration, I think it would be easier for me to control it and remain who I am, if I wanted to." He drew a deep breath before continuing. This was the heart of what it hinged upon. "Especially if...you were still with me when it happened."

Rose felt a wave of happiness pass over her upon learning this. A hidden sadness Rose didn't realize she had been carrying had just left her. What she told the Doctor was true: she would always love him even if he became a new man. But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt to lose the man he was now. Rose felt overjoyed in knowing maybe that was a pain she would never again have to face for as long as they were together.

So what was the reason for the sorrow still lingering deep within his eyes?

The Doctor turned his head and stared off distantly into the ocean. The reflection of the fading orange sun, like a haunting echo of the burnt orange sky of Gallifrey, flickered in his eyes as a darkened look came over his face. As he spoke, his voice was so low it was barely audible. "But whether I'm the man I am now or someone else, it wouldn't change what's within. You know who I am on the outside, Rose, but you've never seen the person I am on the inside. And you don't know that man — not really." He turned his eyes back to hers. They were filled with such pain and guilt that the magnitude of it literally broke her heart. "Oh, Rose. The things I've done...," he whispered hoarsely.

The Doctor was a man haunted by war. Rose had seen the raw pain in his eyes so many times in his old self. Since his regeneration, the Doctor was just a bit more manic and bouncy and chipper; in other words, a little better at hiding it. But it was still there. The pain was etched in his soul. As badly as Rose wished she could heal him, she knew a part of him would carry this forever. But she didn't want it to be a burden he carried alone. She doubted the Doctor had ever talked or opened up to anyone about the war. He had kept that pain and guilt locked inside and let it eat him alive.

Rose swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat and reached up to place her hand on his cheek. "I _do_ know who you are on the inside. You're the man who places the needs of others before your own and makes immeasurable sacrifices in order to do the right thing. You're the man who has _saved_ countless lives and never even asked to be thanked. And you're a man who could never be unaffected by the pain and suffering and death of others." She paused, weighing her next words and struggling to find some form of adequacy. "Doctor, I can't even…I can't even _begin_ to imagine what the war was like for you. But whatever happened, whatever was done, I know you did what you had to do because there was no other way."

The Doctor let out a bitter laugh and looked away from her. "Hey," she said gently, "look at me." Reluctantly, he turned his head back to her, his jaw clenched tightly. "You have to forgive yourself," Rose said, her voice gentle but insistent.

He held her gaze for a long moment. "I can't," he finally replied, his voice beginning to break along with the walls that had held his emotions in place.

"Then I will," she said simply.

The corners of his lips turned up in a faint, sorrowful smile. "That simple, eh?"

"Yes." Rose got up on her knees and scooted towards him until they were face-to-face. She took both his hands in hers. Now that she had finally liberated these words, nothing would ever stop her from saying them again and again. "I told you, Doctor, I love you. Everything you've ever been, and everything you are now. _I_ _love_ _you_. Nothing could ever change that."

The Doctor wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe it more than anything in the universe. But was it really possible? Was he someone who could ever be loved? Once she truly _saw_ the things he had done, the things buried deep within him, would it be possible for her to still love him?

In this moment, all of those fears and doubts began to rear their ugly head. Could he really do this? Could he ever give himself to Rose and taint her with the darkness of his sins and place on her nearly a millennia of his burdens? Could he do that to anyone?

He looked at Rose as she sat before him in the fading twilight and it broke his hearts. She was breathtaking. She was perfect. She was everything he didn't deserve.

Rose gazed into his eyes and saw what she had seen much too often in her time with him. She saw regret. They had come _so close_, and now she feared he was turning back.

"Rose...," he whispered, his voice strained as his eyes fell shut.

"No," she cut him off. "Don't say it. Don't you _dare_ say it." There was strength in her tone but her words were beginning to break. "Don't say you're sorry. Not for this. _Never_ for this. Never for _us_."

The breath he drew was ragged. "What I'm sorry for is that I can't be the man you deserve."

Rose released a heavy sigh and shook her head. She was becoming increasingly weary of his self-loathing. She understood his reasons, but she needed to make him see the truth. He saw her as too much and he didn't see himself as enough. That needed to change.

"Doctor, you keep talking about me being 'deserving,' but don't put me on a pedestal and make me into something I couldn't possibly live up to. I'm not exactly some...some perfect saint. That's not true of me any more than you are a murderous monster. I'm not perfect and neither are you. But everyone is deserving of forgiveness and love. Those are not things you've gone beyond being able to have unless _you_ deny yourself that."

"But you _don't_ know how far I've gone," he countered, his voice tight and battling for measured control as he refused himself absolution, "not really." The Doctor paused as a cold chill ran down his spine. "The Beast in the pit, it knew. It knew who I truly was. I told you it lied, but one thing it spoke was very true. I am the killer of my own kind. There is so much blood on my hands. So much death. The death of my own people." His tone was thick with bitter, unshed tears. "All of them, Rose. Gone because of _me_. Wise old patriarchs and young children filled with such promise, and I killed them all in an instant. Every last one. Do you really understand that, Rose? Could you possibly even..." Unable to even look at her, the Doctor stood up and turned away, facing the ocean, the last glimmer of sunlight now fading away.

Rose quickly stood and came beside him. "Doctor, _you_ didn't cause the war. And I told you, nothing could change how I feel. I still—"

He suddenly rounded on her, his eyes blazing, the anger he felt towards himself now spilling over onto her. He had held this down for so long, and now that the force and magnitude of it was finally coming to the surface he couldn't contain it. "But you _don't_ _know_!" he shouted. "You couldn't _possibly_ know!"

"Then show me!" Rose threw back, her voice rising as she matched his fierceness and did not back down.

"This is who I am, Rose! The Oncoming Storm. The Destroyer of Worlds. The Killer of My Own Kind!" He thrust his hands towards her and locked them on the sides of her face. "_THIS_ is _ME_!"

Rose was suddenly hit with a firestorm of memories and images and emotions as the Doctor opened his mind and poured out its darkest recesses into her own. He held nothing back. He forced her to see the absolute worst. The blood and anger and revenge burned like crimson in her mind, and Rose's legs began to buckle under the onslaught. It was too much. Far too much. She fell to her knees and the Doctor sank with her, refusing to let up. Destruction, despair, agony, death, all swept over her in wave upon excruciating wave. Multitudes screaming, burning, and dying as he stood witness to it all, and now he forced her to watch it, too.

The agony became unbearable just as the Doctor realized what he had done. He released her with a gasp. Rose fell the rest of the way to the ground and curled in upon herself. The Doctor looked at her in horror, utterly aghast that he had done this to her. Her body was shuddering with silent sobs as he dropped down beside her and drew her into his arms, shaking. "I...I'm sorry. Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. What have I done?" He rocked her back and forth in his arms, stroking her hair and murmuring apologies.

The Doctor counted off the seconds that passed as he held Rose in his arms because he believed these were the last moments he would ever have with her. As soon as she had the strength, surely she would run as far from him as she could possibly get and never look back.


	24. Chapter 24

**If you consider the '96 DW movie with the Doctor stating he was half-human to be canon (and I know many would rather not!), then the Doctor and Rose's discussion of children in this chapter contradicts that. But it's a necessary element for the future sequel I have planned.**

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><p>The Doctor cradled Rose against his chest until the sobs that racked her body gradually slowed and came to a stop. Afraid that she would be even more distressed once she realized she was in the arms of the man who had done this to her, the Doctor gently eased her down onto the blanket spread on the sand and knelt beside her.<p>

Slowly, Rose opened her eyes and turned her tear-stained face to his as she pulled herself up into a sitting position. She wiped at her cheeks and took several deep breaths. "Th-the pain," Rose choked out the words, "there was so much pain."

Tentatively, feeling he didn't have the right to even touch her after he had assaulted her mind, the Doctor reached towards Rose and brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen over her face. "I know. I know, I…I'm sorry, Rose. Oh, I am so sorry." His voice was thick with shame.

Rose squeezed her eyes shut, trying to somehow process in her mind the deluge of dark and agonizing images and emotions she had seen and felt. After a minute passed, she slowly opened them and looked back up at him. "That pain is what you feel. You carry that with you all the time." She couldn't imagine it. She didn't know how anyone could even keep their sanity while bearing such anguish. Another tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. "You hold that inside and carry those burdens alone. All alone."

The Doctor stared back at her in stunned silence. He thought she cried for the pain he had caused her; but she was weeping for _his_ pain.

Rose lifted her hand and brought it to his face. She swept away the tears that were now brimming in his own eyes and trailing down. She rose up on her knees and moved closer, taking his face between her hands and stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. "You are not alone anymore, Doctor. I know I can't take this from you, but let me carry this _with_ you," she whispered.

He didn't even know what to say. The Doctor took both her hands in his and gripped them tightly, confirming she was real, that her words were real. "How could you possibly want…? After what I just did to you." He slowly shook his head. "Rose, I never wanted you to see those things. Not like that. Not to force it on you."

Rose squeezed his hands reassuringly in return. "I asked you to show me. I don't want you to hold yourself back from me or to hide these things inside. Not anymore."

He stared into her eyes for several heartbeats. "Even after the things you've seen of me…and yet you still…"

"Because I love you," she replied, simply and surely.

If the Doctor didn't already know he was hopelessly hers, this would have just confirmed it. All he could do at that moment was gather her in his arms and hold her tightly, almost painfully. He didn't want to let go. He ached to have her as close as possible. After everything she had seen, the darkness within him, the way he had _forced_ it upon her, and yet she wasn't running from him but drawing closer.

For the first time since the Time War, the Doctor _felt_ forgiveness and love. It began to permeate his being. He had the love of someone who had now seen the darkest parts of himself and yet extended absolution. The Doctor was still not at a place where he was able to forgive himself and maybe he never would; but a feeling that for so long had been foreign to him was beginning to settle in his hearts. It was a feeling of peace.

This was the moment everything fell into place between them. The last remnant of doubt and uncertainty he had wrestled with for so very long began fading away like a vapor on the wind as the Doctor looked into Rose's eyes and saw nothing but pure, unconditional, overwhelming love. This was meant to be. _They_ were meant to be. How he ever could have doubted it for a moment – let alone over two years – was now completely beyond him, but every last doubt had now fallen away.

They held each other for several long minutes. Finally, the Doctor eased back and lifted his hand to Rose's face as he looked into her eyes. There was no holding back or stopping this force between them any longer.

The Doctor followed the path with his eyes as his fingers drifted down her cheek, then over across her lips – the lips he craved to touch and to taste and _nothing_ would stop this now. He slowly lifted his eyes back to hers.

Rose had to tell herself to breathe. She had yearned for this, driven herself mad fantasizing about it, and finally resigned herself to thinking it could never be. Yet here they stood on the verge – a mere breath away. Surely the universe would combust at any moment to keep this from happening. But it didn't. There was nothing left standing between them.

They simultaneously drew closer, magnetized to each other, her face tipped up to his. The Doctor paused then for just a brief second. There were three words burning in his hearts that for so long he had tried to extinguish. The words he had come so close to saying on Krop Tor, but took the coward's way out by telling himself, '_Oh, she knows.'_ Soon she _would_ know, because she would _see_ it and she would _feel_ it. But first, he wanted her to hear it.

The Doctor had once brought down a government with six words. Just six. It was three words that now toppled any last remains of that wall separating him from Rose.

"Rose," his voice was hushed but his words were spoken with sureness as they swept across her lips, "I love you."

Those three words cost him dearly, because everyone he had ever loved, he had lost. But he would not withhold them from her any longer.

Rose's heart leapt within her chest and soared to the heavens. There was a time she thought those words would remain spoken only in her dreams. Rose knew even now they may seldom be spoken, reserved for quiet, sacred times, like a rare and costly perfume. But that only added to their depth.

Kneeling face-to-face, the final distance that didn't stand a chance was closed between them at last as their lips finally met in a moment of ecstasy. They both breathed out a sigh of pleasure at the contact that sent a wave of desire pulsing through them both. The chaste kisses they had shared earlier only made them hunger for each other all the more. Rose slid her arms around the Doctor's shoulders, her hands going to the nape of his neck, as his hands splayed across her back, pulling her flush against him.

The Doctor moved his lips against hers softly and slowly, learning the shape and feel and taste of her lips beneath his. He opened his mouth and traced his tongue along her top, then bottom lip. With a moan, Rose opened for him, welcoming him inside as a feeling of electricity shot through her. His mouth was cooler than hers, and it made her feel all the more like her tongue was on fire as they touched. He caressed her tongue in long, sweeping strokes as hers rose to dance with his.

The Doctor became completely lost in this moment. His only awareness was of Rose – the slide of her tongue against his, her taste that he craved as he drank her in and knew he could never get his fill. Ordinarily, his multifaceted mind would be cataloging each element of the experience, but he found himself reduced to just the basic instincts as he let go and gave himself over to this. He brought a hand up to cradle her jaw and tipped her head for better access as he explored every recess of her mouth in deliberate, languid strokes that made Rose burn for more. Her hands came up to tangle in his hair, tugging gently as she urged him on. He drew her closer as he released a groan that rumbled deep in his chest.

Needing more of him – _all_ of him, Rose then took over control, dominating the kiss and exploring him as thoroughly as he had done to her. She ran her tongue along the contours of his teeth, the silky smoothness of the roof of his mouth, the supple flesh beneath his bottom lip – she hungered for every millimeter of him. His taste was like honey and spice, sweet yet musky and undeniably him. He was intoxicating and she couldn't get enough.

Their mouths separated and came back together again and again, each time finding something new and discovering a higher level of bliss. They had both yearned for this for so, so long, and now that it was finally happening they couldn't get enough of each other as the kiss became ravenous. They had been kneeling together, but at some point the Doctor pulled Rose onto his lap, and she straddled his thighs as they clutched at each other, the passion in their kiss setting them both on fire.

Rose wrenched her mouth free long enough to take a gulp of air as his mouth plunged to her neck, then down her throat, to her shoulder where he pulled the strap of her sundress aside and fastened his lips greedily to her bare flesh. "Doctor!" Rose gasped his name, her hands fisting in his shirt, just as his mouth found hers again and swallowed the throaty moan that escaped her lips. They continued tasting and exploring and devouring.

Finally, out of desperate need for oxygen, their movements slowed enough to take gulping breaths into their burning lungs, punctuated with slow, sweet kisses until they gradually drew to a stop. They rested, forehead-to-forehead, both their chests heaving with rapid breaths. After a minute passed, the Doctor pulled back a fraction and gazed at Rose. Her lips were swollen and slightly parted, her eyes dark and shining, her skin flushed. He had never seen a more beautiful sight.

"Wow," Rose finally managed to whisper.

"Ohhh, my thoughts exactly," he replied, his voice low and gravelly. They both laughed breathlessly.

The Doctor knew with certainty that he was ready for what would come next. He was ready to share himself with Rose in a way he never thought he would with another living being. He had shown her the blood and anger and revenge. But Rose had made him better and made him see there was more to himself than the darkness that had consumed him. That was the part he now wanted her to see – the part of himself he wanted to unite with her.

The Doctor lifted his hand and traced his thumb across her bottom lip, already needing to taste her once more as he ducked his head and captured her lips again, before releasing with a gentle tug and pulling back.

"Rose." He drew out her name like a caress, low and rich, making her shiver. "There's something I'm going to ask you. It's the most important question I've ever asked anyone in my life. But before we go any further you need to be absolutely certain." The Doctor drew a long breath and forced his racing hearts to calm so he could focus on what he needed to say. "And there are still other things you need to know."

Rose was not about to let him try to talk her out of this now. She didn't care if the ground suddenly opened up at their feet – they were NOT turning back now. To elaborate her thoughts, Rose leaned in, bringing her lips to his neck, planting a trail of descending kisses until she reached the hollow of his throat and dipped her tongue in the indentation where she had always longed to taste him, swirling in a deliberate, circular motion. He released a low groan, deep and primal, as one hand tangled in her hair. Rose was satisfied she had made her point.

She eased back and lifted her eyes, intense and passionate. "Is this where you give another list of the reasons why we shouldn't be together?" There was a hint of playfulness in her voice but fervency in her eyes. "Because there is _nothing_ in all the universe that could ever change what I feel for you…," Rose placed her hands on his chest, his hearts thumping hard beneath her palms, "…what I _want_ with you."

The Doctor took several breaths to re-gather his distracted thoughts. He needed to tell her this. He focused his eyes on hers. "There may be things you want that I can't give you." Rose opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with his fingers on her lips, then moved his hand down to cup the side of her face. "I could never give you children," he said softly.

For a moment, it felt surreal to Rose that they could even be having this conversation – that they had actually reached the point where they could even broach such a subject. As his words settled in her mind, Rose realized this was something she had never really even given much thought to. She certainly never saw herself as settling down on Earth and having a 'normal' family – not since the Doctor had come into her life. All she wanted was this life with him. All she wanted was _him_.

"Doctor, that doesn't change things for me. I never saw myself as settling down in some ivy-covered cottage and raising a family. All I ever saw was my life with you. All I want is this life with you," she assured him.

The Doctor drew a heavy breath. "You say that now, Rose. But what about five or ten years from now? One day you might want more than I could give you. But a human and a Time Lord are genetically incompatible for…"

"Doctor," she interjected, "all I want – all I _need_ is you. If I couldn't have children with you then I wouldn't want children, period." A slow smile blossomed on her face. "Besides, I think we're…_compatible_ in all the ways that matter most."

The Doctor lifted her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss to the pads of her fingers, a look of measurable relief washing over his face as he accepted her words.

Now it was time for Rose to know without a doubt that _he_ was certain about this. It might be painful for him to have to discuss, but she needed to know this.

"Now there's something I need to know from you." He nodded and silently urged her to continue. "I need to know that _you're_ sure."

The Doctor stroked down her cheek with the backs of his fingers. "I'm sure," he breathed. And he _was_ sure. He had finally reached the place where there were no doubts left standing in his way.

"Then promise me something." Rose dropped her eyes to his chest where she settled her hand between his hearts, then lifted her eyes back to his. "Promise me you're gonna be okay when I'm gone. I want you to be better for having been with me, not worse. I don't want this to break you. Go on living and…have a fantastic life. Promise you'll do that for me." She spoke the last words on a whisper.

His chest constricted. That was not a promise he could make. He knew it wasn't possible for him to simply be 'okay' when Rose was gone. It was much too late for that, even if they didn't take this step. But learning to live on through loss and pain was something the Doctor was all too familiar with. He would go on, but a part of Rose would always be with him, carried deep within his soul. She would never completely be lost to him.

The Doctor hesitated for several heartbeats before responding, the only sound to be heard was the gentle crash of the waves against the shore. He didn't know if he could promise to live a fantastic life, but he would promise to keep on living. "I promise…," he paused, swallowing thickly, "that I will try. That I'll go on. With you, in my hearts, always."

Rose couldn't ask more of him. She prayed her love would give him the strength to continue on long after she was gone. Rose nodded silently, her eyes shining.

She needed him…_now_. It was overwhelming. Rose didn't think she could bear to wait any longer. She reached for him, but he stilled her. There was still something else he needed to explain – things she needed to know about him if they were going to take this monumental step.

"There's still one last thing you should know, Rose. Some things I have to tell you about me if we are going to be…intimate."

A sultry smile curved at her lips as Rose slowly slid her hands up his chest, to his shoulders, and around the back of his neck where she laced her fingers together. "Are we going to be…_intimate_?" she husked, feeling a new-found rush of boldness now that this was _finally_ happening between them.

His eyes darkened, the passion within them causing Rose's breath to catch in her throat. "You have no idea," he responded, speaking in a tone she'd never quite heard before, but hoped she would hear again – and _often_. The Doctor reached out a long finger and traced the line of her jaw as he continued to speak in that low, deep timbre. "I want to make love to you, Rose." Rose felt her entire body tremble with desire and had to remind herself this was real. "But you should know that being with me will be different than being with any other man."

A small, breathless laugh escaped her throat. "I think I figured that out a long time ago."

"Sex is different for Time Lords," he blurted out, causing Rose to blush at his frankness, despite the fact that she was more than ready to find out about all of these _differences_. "I don't have that near constant drive or desire that most human men have. If I want to feel aroused, then I can. And if I don't, then I don't," he stated matter-of-factly.

His words were almost like a bucket of cold water on what had begun as such a sensual conversation.

Rose knew she should not feel hurt. He told her there were differences and he was merely explaining that to her. If he wasn't able to feel as aroused by her as most men are to women, that was just simply who he was.

"So, what you're saying is…you're not as attracted to me…physically?" she asked, trying to understand him better. "You don't necessarily want…"

With a dark and smoldering look, the Doctor traced a tantalizingly slow path up her bare arms with the tips of his fingers, causing goose bumps to follow in his wake. "Oh, I want. I definitely _want_," he assured her in such a deep, husky tone that it made Rose momentarily forget the conversation they'd even been having. "I'm just able to control it. And that's a good thing, really. Because when a Time Lord bonds to his mate, it's more intense, Rose. I'll have to keep barriers in place. If those barriers were constantly down, your effect on me would be overwhelming." The corner of his lips curved up in a smile as he made a confession. "You've already managed to make my barriers slip on many occasions."

That certainly put the conversation in a new light. Rose felt a rush go through her knowing she was able to make him feel that way, despite his apparent superior Time Lord barriers.

The Doctor spoke of Time Lords bonding to their mates, and while Rose wasn't entirely sure what that meant, she was quite certain she wanted to find out. "So, when you talk about…_bonding_, is that like…?"

"It's a joining of minds. The most intimate of connections. But for us, it would be a little different," he explained. "A human could not handle the full magnitude of a Time Lord mind. You would burn. But we can still share thoughts and emotions and be linked to each other on many levels."

"But it wouldn't be as strong for you," Rose said, felling regret that she could not fully give him what he had once had with his people. She also knew that meant he could still keep himself closed off from her at times if he chose. Yet he was offering more of himself to her than he had to perhaps anyone else.

The Doctor smiled gently. "Rose, if this were going to be any stronger with you I don't think I could handle it. But you need to know that this would be permanent. For as long as…both of us are alive together." Rose suddenly saw that same possessive look flash in his eyes that she'd seen once before when he was clad in jeans and his eyes were riveted on hers from across a crowded club, making her pulse quicken with his next words. "You would be _mine_."

A slow smile crossed her lips. "Are you saying I could never be with anyone else?" Rose softly teased, but then almost instantly regretted it as a look of pain washed over his features.

"It would kill me," he almost choked on the words.

Rose instantly moved to embrace him. "That's never gonna happen," she turned her head and whispered into his hair, dropping a kiss there. She now fully understood his feelings the night he thought he might have lost her to Colin. It went beyond simple jealously. He loved her then as intensely as she loved him.

The Doctor took a long, steadying breath and nodded before pulling back. "Time Lords don't have casual relationships, Rose, which is why you have to be absolutely certain about this."

Rose swallowed. When she spoke, her words were resolute. "Doctor, there is nothing casual about my feelings for you. And I've never been more certain about anything in my life." Rose traced the shell of his ear with her finger, delighted in the tremor she felt from him in response, then brought her lips closer to whisper. "Now, I believe you had something to ask me?"

The Doctor's eyes were intense, burning into hers, as at last he spoke the words he had brought her here to ask. "Rose, would you accept me as your Bond Mate?"

For Rose, speaking was suddenly a difficult task considering her mouth had gone dry. "This is the Time Lord equivalent of a proposal, isn't it?" she asked breathlessly.

His voice was solemn. "Yes."

"Yes! Oh, yes!" Rose answered.

Any further affirmation was silenced by his mouth descending on hers, those barriers he had spoken of now _very_ much down. Rose sank into the kiss and into his arms. The only question left on either of their minds was could they actually make it back to the bungalow. Right at this moment, neither one much cared.

They had been falling slowly for so very long. Tonight, they were finally tumbling all the way.


	25. Chapter 25

**This chapter is rated M but has been heavily edited down and is not sexually explicit. The full unedited version of this chapter can be found on _A Teaspoon and an Open Mind._  
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><p>Later, Rose would marvel at the feat of the two of them actually managing to make it back to the bungalow. There was an exhilarating urgency in the Doctor's eyes as he took her by the hand and they crossed back up the beach, their pace quickening with each step. Once inside the bedroom, he quickly turned to her as their lips crashed together, frenzied and desperate.<p>

Once they separated from the kiss, each held the other's gaze with intensity. When the Doctor spoke, his voice was hushed. "On Gallifrey, the bonding of minds was considered sacred and binding. But afterwards, if you'd still like to wait and have an Earth ceremony…"

Rose silenced him with a deep kiss, then placed her hand between his hearts. "This is what I want," she softly breathed. "I want to pledge myself to you in the way of your people." His eyes shone as he nodded.

The Moon had now risen — full and bright — and illuminated the room in a pale radiance as the Doctor took Rose by the hand and led her to the bed where they knelt together and entered into the bonding ceremony. All of time seemed to still after that moment as they became lost in a world all their own. The Doctor spoke his pledge to Rose in a language she had never heard; yet the fluid, melodious sound resonated deep within her and somehow she understood the essence of his words, as if this language had always been a part of her, hidden deep within.

To the Doctor's astonishment, Rose then began to return the most important of those words to him, tentatively at first as her lips and tongue sought to embrace this new language and learn its form. She slowly repeated words after the Doctor until it started to feel natural. Rose realized in the deepest recesses of her memory that she had heard this language before. She had heard it in the form of a song as the melody of the TARDIS surrounded her and the Vortex of Time flowed through her the day she took the heart of the TARDIS within her and saved her Doctor. The Doctor was in a state of awe as he heard the words pass from her lips. He had not heard his own language spoken by another since the day his people were lost. The affirmation that he was now no longer alone permeated his soul as Rose pledged her entire being to him.

Then came the joining of their minds. The forming of their bond. The Doctor touched her mind with his and she opened herself to him without reservation. He had told her to imagine doors and shut away anything she didn't want him to see. But Rose removed all barriers and laid herself bare before him. She let him see the secret places inside her and let him know her in a way no other had.

In return, the Doctor revealed himself to her. Not in the onslaught of darkness he had directed at her earlier, but in a crashing wave of love. He had shown her Gallifrey in a state of carnage as it burned. Now he showed it to her in all of its majestic splendor — as he wanted to remember it, as she would help him to remember it. He had shown her the darkest parts of himself — the blood and the anger and the revenge. Now he showed her the beauty; the things of the universe that made him stand in awe and the sacred moments that took his breath away.

Rose also saw his deep fear. His fear of losing her to an approaching storm — the storm he had spoken of once before as they gazed up at the night sky lit with fireworks, his words causing a haunting chill down her spine. But as she re-lived the memory of that night, Rose soothed over his fear of loss with the assurance that she was here, right now; and in this moment that's all that mattered.

-:-

It could have been hours, it could have been an eternity. Both had lost all track of time when they finally withdrew from each other's minds like a gentle whisper. The link was now formed and could be opened between them at selective times. Slowly, Rose's lids fluttered open, and she was met by the Doctor's dark eyes gazing back at her, deep and fathomless, ancient and forever. Wordlessly, he drew her into his arms and kissed her, long and slow and deep.

Despite this being their first time of shared intimacy together, there was no awkwardness or fumbling. Every touch, every movement came as naturally as if the two had been made for each other. And they had. Both realized they had always been journeying towards this — destined for this. It was unstoppable.

They rose from the bed where they had been kneeling and stood together in the soft moonlight of the room. The fervency between them both had seemed to reach a new level. Their shared need was overwhelming in its intensity.

No more waiting. No more painful longing. Their lips came together once more in urgency. Rose traced her tongue along the Doctor's full bottom lip before drawing it into her mouth and tugging gently. His lips parted as her tongue slid past and swept across the roof of his mouth, eliciting a deep groan from his chest. The Doctor slid his hands down her back and pulled her tightly against him, letting Rose feel his desire for her as his tongue met hers in long, fluid strokes. Rose moaned at the dizzying feel as his tongue thrust along hers in a promise of things to come.

He broke the kiss long enough to pull back and look into her eyes as he cupped her face in his hands as he pledged, "I'm yours."

Rose whispered his name in Gallifreyan. The Doctor gazed at her in rapturous wonder, eyes wide and fathomless, as if she had just managed to stop Time itself.

They explored each other with the caressing of hands and the brush of fingertips. When that wasn't enough, hands were replaced with the grazing of teeth and the stroking of tongues as two lovers discovered each other's hidden places.

The last vestige of his control was gone as the Doctor surrendered helplessly to her touch. The Doctor had told her he could raise and lower his barriers of arousal at his own choosing, but he knew Rose was the one who could make his barriers tumble and fall at her feet on her command. He didn't think he would mind in the least.

Their already smoldering passion reached the boiling point, and both were desperate for the completion they had yearned for long before this night. This was the moment where fantasy met reality, and fantasy paled in comparison. Both wanted to live in the perfection of this moment.

The Doctor spoke to Rose in hushed words of Gallifreyan. Again, she somehow understood the essence; he then whispered them for her in English, his voice barely audible. "Do you know just what you are to me, Rose? How I love you eternally?" Tears were welling in his eyes.

Rose was consumed with the depth of her love for him. "My Doctor," she breathed out, "I love you. So much."

How they had ever held back with each other, neither one could fathom. All they knew in this moment was that this was the fulfillment of destiny. They were destined for each other throughout all of time.

The pleasure was overwhelming, yet as inconceivable as it seemed, still capable of reaching new heights. The Doctor lifted his hand and placed it on her temple, opening the link between them. Opening the floodgates. They both gasped at the new intensity of what was being experienced. Rose felt her pleasure coupled with his pleasure, and the Doctor felt the same as the loop circled between them, doubling their shared ecstasy. Neither had ever experienced such an unspeakable, all-consuming love.

The Doctor's eyes fell shut as he saw timelines beginning to stretch out within his mind. Possibilities spanned out before him, and he saw a timeline where Rose was at his side throughout his lifetime. It could not be possible, yet in this moment he believed _anything_ was possible; and he reached for that timeline, willing it to be true.

Afterwards, both slowly came back to awareness. Rose whispered her love for him, once again speaking his name into his ear in his own language. The Doctor lifted his head, tears of utter joy now brimming in his eyes and tumbling down onto Rose's cheeks as he brought his lips to hers and kissed her with reverence.


	26. Chapter 26

**Like the previous chapter, this one is rated M but has been heavily edited down and is not sexually explicit. The full unedited version of this chapter can be found on _A Teaspoon and an Open Mind._**

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><p>Rose woke slowly late the next morning, awareness of her surroundings gradually twining its way into her consciousness. She could hear the sound of the ocean waves gently crashing against the shore, accompanied by the soft breeze flowing in through the room from the open veranda. The crisp cotton sheets felt deliciously cool against her body as she flexed her toes and stretched languorously. Her foot brushed against the lower leg of the man currently lying beside her, whose arm was resting across her waist. <em>This wasn't a dream<em>, Rose had to remind herself. She was in bed, with the Doctor, after making love all through the night and into the early morning hours.

The way they had been the night before, as if they could spend a lifetime and never get enough of each other, left Rose wondering how they had possibly held back for so long. One thing was certain: they were making up for lost time now. All of the Doctor's past restraint had gone out the window, and it was as if the floodgates had been opened.

With her drowsy eyes still closed, Rose inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with the tantalizing scent of the Doctor which surrounded her and lingered on her skin. Rose continued languidly running her right foot up and down his lower leg, the coarse hairs tickling her toes, as she opened her eyes and her vision was filled with the sight of her Gallifreyan husband. He was propped on his elbow with his head resting on his hand, gazing down at her.

Her chest tightened and her breath hitched in her throat. Her love for him was once again overwhelming. She also didn't think it was possible for the Doctor to have ever been sexier than he was right at this moment. His hair was mussed in a way that made her want to immediately resume the activities that had led to its current style. Rose's eyes traveled from his, down to his soft lips, to his toned bare chest as she followed the smattering of hair that formed a line below his navel and disappeared temptingly beneath the sheet draped across his hips. Rose unconsciously licked her lips as her eyes raked back up to his. She inadvertently blushed as vivid memories of the previous night came flooding back. He gave her a knowing, smoldering grin.

"Sleep well?" he asked, his voice low and husky as he moved his free hand from where it rested at her waist and brought it to her face, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb.

Rose took his hand in hers and kissed the pad of his thumb, then drew it into her mouth, sucking and swirling her tongue around the tip before releasing, and then kissing each digit in turn as he sighed deeply, very much enjoying her current attentions.

"I didn't actually get much _sleep_," she replied, smiling alluringly with the tip of her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

"Complaining?" he husked, lowering his head to within inches of her face.

"Never," Rose answered, reaching up to tangle her right hand in his hair and pull his head down to meet her lips.

He went freely. Rose deepened the kiss, tracing her tongue across his full bottom lip before plunging past his parted lips, then sweeping across the roof of his mouth as he groaned into hers. They continued ravishing each other with lips and tongues before they finally had to come up for air.

As Rose lay back simply gazing up at him, a look of wonder crossed her face. Her hand came up to stroke along his jaw. "I…I can actually kiss you," she remarked, almost in awe as the thought struck her. "I can touch you, and…"

The Doctor placed his hand over hers where it rested on his face. "I bloody well hope so," he replied, his eyes twinkling. "I've become quite fond of it."

Rose laughed softly. "It's just…I have to keep reminding myself this is real, that this has actually happened between us. To think that just yesterday at this time we hadn't even…" she trailed off in thought.

"Does all this seem too soon, Rose?" There was a trace of uncertainty in his voice. "Maybe I should have—"

She chuckled. "Doctor, no one could ever say this was too soon for us. We didn't exactly just plunge into this." Her next words were hushed. "It's just that for so long I thought we could never have this."

There was regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry it was like that. I'm sorry that it took me so long before I was able to let this happen."

Rose stroked his cheek with her fingers. "Doctor, I don't have any regrets. I wouldn't have changed anything between us. And you were worth waiting for."

He smiled softly before leaning in for another lingering kiss.

They continued for several minutes just cuddling and gently caressing.

The Doctor ran his nose along her jaw, then nuzzled into her cheek and inhaled deeply as he whispered to her. "Oh, I love your scent," he husked. "It's a mixture of pheromones and hypotonic filtrate from your eccrine glands and—"

His seductive soliloquy was cut short by Rose bursting into a fit of giggles. He pulled back and looked at her, affronted. "I'm sorry," she finally managed, still giggling. "Doctor, I love you with all my heart and soul, but your romantic language in the bedroom _really_ needs some work."

He pursed his lips in a thin line of insult, then twitched the corner of his mouth in a smile. "I didn't hear you complaining earlier when I told you, in great detail..." He then leaned in and began whispering naughtily in her ear, which quickly led to another round of intense snogging.

They finally came up for oxygen once again. The Doctor rested his forehead to hers, then eased back. With a single finger, he traced across her forehead, down over her cheek, then across her jaw. "You are beautiful," he murmured.

The Doctor was ever a quick study, apparently even when it came to romancing Rose in a way that could instantly steal her breath. Rose captured his hand and once again brought it to her lips. "So are you," she whispered against his hand as she pressed a butterfly kiss to his palm.

Rose then saw something adorable. A flush actually tinged his cheeks. For all of his bravado, she was learning he could have a rare, vulnerable side in bed. He didn't know how truly gorgeous he really was, and that just made him all the more irresistible to her.

She was about to lean forward for another kiss when he stilled her with a hand on her shoulder. "Just…lie there for a moment," he said softly.

Rose could tell by the look in his eyes he had something in mind. Her heart sped up with anticipation and she simply nodded. She watched as he turned over to the side of the bed and reached for something on the floor. Rose saw a flash of pinstripes as he rummaged through the pocket of his discarded jacket, then turned back over, now holding a sketch pad and pencil.

Rose swallowed. Yes, he most definitely had something in mind. Rose met his eyes. "Don't you…don't you already have a sketch of me?"

"Not like this." His voice was low, but his dark and aroused expression softened to tenderness when he realized her trepidation. He reached forward and drifted the backs of his fingers across her face.

"I want to capture you in this moment, Rose. Right here on the first morning of…"

"Our honeymoon?" she finished.

He hummed happily in response. "I suppose it is, yeah."

"Trust me?" his voice lilted up on the end in a question.

She wasn't entirely comfortable with this idea; but somehow that made it all the more enticing. And she did trust him with this. Of course she did. Rose bit her bottom lip, then nodded her consent.

The Doctor quickly turned over to the side of the bed once again to retrieve something else, then turned back towards her to sit back on his heels, the sheet slipping perilously low on his lap.

Her breath caught in her throat. _Oh, Rassilon, _Rose thought to herself (an absent notion somewhere in the back of her mind told her that particular expression in her head was an after-effect of their bonding), he was wearing…TheGlasses. Just how many fantasies did she have that went something like this? Regardless, Rose was quite certain no fantasy she'd ever had could have possibly lived up to this present moment.

The Doctor switched the pencil and pad to one hand while he reached towards her with the other. "Lift your head up a bit," he requested softly.

Rose did as he asked. She raised her head as he reached beneath her to sweep her hair back. She then lay back down as he fanned her hair out around her on the pillow like a golden halo. Her hands had inadvertently come to clutch the top of the sheet that covered her from the chest down, but the Doctor gently lifted one arm and placed it to rest behind the top of her head. He then took her other arm and positioned it down at her side. Hooking a finger under her chin, he tilted her head slightly towards him, then nodded, having her posed as he wished.

The Doctor had sketched her once before on the castle grounds in Kendal, and as magical as that moment had been, it was nothing like this. Rose focused on his eyes behind the dark rims of his glasses. His pupils were dilated with desire as he began sketching her features and transferring them to the page. Every time his eyes would flick from the paper up to hers, a wave of heat would wash over her from his smoldering gaze.

His drawing slowed and came to a stop. The Doctor sat the pencil down beside him and reached his hand towards her, his eyes darkening further. He ran one finger along the shell of her ear, across her jaw, down her neck and across the top of her chest, his feather-light touch causing her to shiver. He stopped as his finger reached the barrier of the sheet across her chest. The Doctor traced his finger teasingly just along the edge, then curled it around the top of the fabric.

"Okay?" he asked. He wanted this, but he also wanted her to be comfortable with it.

Rose knew he was leading up to this, but the thought still made her heart race and heat pool low in her belly. She slowly nodded, never taking her eyes off his. Exquisitely slow, he eased the sheet down, revealing her to his gaze.

Considering the fact that they had spent the entire night making love and exploring each other's bodies, Rose was caught off-guard by the level of self-consciousness she suddenly felt before him as he studied her intently. Instinctively, her right arm lying at her side began to move up over her chest, but he caught her by the wrist and placed her arm up over her head with the other as he shook his head.

"You're beautiful, Rose," he whispered, low. "Don't hide yourself from me. No more hiding, for either of us."

Rose released a breath and relaxed her arms.

He grinned slowly, the type of grin that _really_ should come with a warning label for being able to cause a person to burst into flames. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear, his voice deep and gravelly as his fingers caressed up and down her thigh.

It seemed all Rose could do was nod in return as he straightened his glasses and resumed his task. Rose gave herself over to him completely, allowing him to position her any way he liked as he completed his sketch. For anyone else, this situation might have seemed kinky, but everything that passed between them as they explored this new level of intimacy was nothing less than beautiful. With every stroke of the pencil, every sweep of his eyes, the Doctor cherished her, showering her with love and reverence. He made her feel adored.

With the sketch finally complete, the Doctor set it aside, removed his glasses and then descended upon her, neither one able to hold back any longer.

They kissed until they were both panting breathlessly, then gave in fully to their passion.

-:-

Later, he drew Rose into his arms as she rolled into his side, laying her head on his chest as his hearts beat wildly beneath her. Slowly, they caught their breath and relaxed as the Doctor brushed a kiss over the top of her head, then pressed his lips to her temple as his hands stroked up and down her back.

As the Doctor's breathing gradually evened out, Rose realized something incredible: he was drifting off to sleep. It seemed she had finally managed to wear out this nine hundred plus-year-old Time Lord. Rose lifted her head and rested her chin on his chest as she gazed up at him, his face relaxed and features soft. For once in his very long life, he was at peace; and her heart clenched at how much she loved him. Rose lifted her hand and brushed the fringe back from his forehead and smiled fondly, then swept her fingers through his soft brown locks as he purred in sleepy contentment.

Rose laid her head to his chest once again. Her hand gently drifted up and down his chest, her fingers dancing through the soft hair. It was then an idea began to form. She eased herself up and reached over the Doctor to the table beside the bed, then settled back beside him.

The Doctor half-registered the feeling of Rose stirring in the bed beside him, and then the sensation of the sheet creeping down his form. He cracked an eye open and peered at her. Rose was now kneeling beside him, the sketch pad and pencil in her hands with…_his_ _glasses_ on her face. His throat suddenly went completely dry. In this moment he fully understood Rose's fondness for his glasses.

"I think," Rose slowly purred as her voice dipped low and she gave him a studious up and down gaze, "that I'd like to take up sketching as well." The Doctor released a growl and reached for her, but she ducked out of his grasp. "Now, now," she began, mock-seriousness in her tone, "I am the artist and _you_, my gorgeous Time Lord, are my masterpiece. And it has got to be said…," Rose winked and sighed appreciatively as she paid him the same compliment he had once given her, "that your anatomical proportions are _very_ pleasing." She put the tip of the pencil to the pad. "Now it's my turn."


	27. Chapter 27

**This chapter was bitter-sweet. A part of me wanted to keep them forever in their private paradise, but the time has come to journey on.**

* * *

><p>Ever since the day Rose met a man called the Doctor, a man who took her hand in the basement of a shop and told her to run, her life had been transformed from the ordinary to the extraordinary. He took her away from home in his magical machine and showed her the whole of time and space. Their journeys and the experiences they shared went beyond anything she could have ever imagined in her wildest dreams. Yet it was the four months of so called 'ordinary life' with the Doctor that made her realize she didn't need faraway places or unearthly encounters to experience the extraordinary. Simply having the Doctor in her life was the greatest adventure of all.<p>

Never was that more true than in the weeks spent together at their private tropical bungalow, which transcended all other experiences they had shared together. It was as if they were in a timeless world all their own. The trip Rose thought would be a holiday became a honeymoon. She was still in a state of awe that her deepest desires had become reality and the two of them had reached this point. Rose was able to love the Doctor in the way she had yearned for in her soul – as he deserved to be loved; and she received his unspeakable love in return.

Time had now come full circle. The day they had been awaiting these past months had finally come. They would return to London – return to the very place where this wondrous, terrifying, and extraordinary journey had begun just four months before. So much had transpired in that time. In many ways it felt as if a lifetime had passed. Now they would once again be back in the TARDIS and back to their life of exploring the universe, but this time not simply as the Doctor and his companion. Now they were so much more. So much more than either one had once dared to dream they could ever be.

Yet despite that, Rose did not have idyllic notions that her life with the Doctor would now be some sort of grand fairytale. It would be wondrous, yes; even more so than before. But it would also come with challenges. Rose knew the Doctor would not always be the easiest man in the universe to love and to live with. He may still keep himself closed off at times and not always open up about his feelings – particularly the ones that vexed him the most. She knew that was simply who he was and not something that would ever completely change. And although he had made great strides in opening up to Rose and letting her in, she knew there were things he still held back simply because he didn't want to weigh her down with the burdens of the universe that he carried on his shoulders. He might not give her all of his burdens, yet Rose knew she helped to ease his load, and for that she was gratified. The Doctor had shared more of himself with her than he had with perhaps any other living being. In allowing himself to open his hearts, he allowed them to be flooded with love. Thus, some of that deeply-etched pain had been soothed. There was now just a little more lightness in his step and a genuine joy deep within his eyes that Rose knew had probably not been there for a _very_ long time.

-:-

Rose woke with the glow of the rising sun on the morning of the last day at their private bungalow in Antigua. The first soft rays of the dawn light filtered through and bathed the room in muted shades of orange and gold. The Doctor lay behind Rose, curled intimately into her body. The knee of one leg was nestled between her thighs and his right arm lay possessively across her waist with his left arm stretched out beneath the pillow they shared. His warm breath was calm and even against the back of her neck as the double rhythm of his hearts thrummed soothingly against her back. The Doctor didn't need as much sleep as her, but ever since the two had become intimate he would often stay in bed with Rose after making love and simply hold her as she slept. Not every night, though. Sometimes she would wake up and he would still be there, and other times he would not, his inborn restlessness getting the better of him. Yet he was always nearby. The serene times like this were Rose would wake in his arms were precious moments she cherished.

Rose unwrapped herself from his slumbering embrace ever so carefully so she could turn and look into his face. It was a luxury to see him sleeping. His face was calm and relaxed, his mouth slightly parted and his hair hopelessly mussed and sticking up at all angles. Rose smiled a warm, contented smile as she stroked her fingers softly through his hair and laid her head to his chest. He mumbled something indistinct, and his arms intuitively came up to enfold her against him. His peaceful state of slumber was a contrast to how he had seemed the previous night.

A fresh, clean breeze now filled the air. It had rained heavily the night before, and the morning brought with it that sweet, pleasant aroma that accompanies a rainfall when the world feels new once again. The fierce storms of the night seemed to have mirrored the Doctor's inner mood. Rose could tell there was something weighing heavily upon him – something dark. When they made love, it was more frantic, more possessive, more desperate than Rose had yet experienced with him – as if he would wake in the morning to find her gone, slipped through his fingers like sand through an hourglass. The Doctor did not want to voice with words what he was feeling. He didn't need to. She had seen his deepest fears. So instead of pushing him to talk about it, Rose simply offered herself up to him in every way and let him ride out the storm as the thunder crashed from without and within.

Rose let that memory fade to the back of her mind and instead focused on the Doctor's now peaceful face, softly relaxed in sleep. After lying contentedly in his arms for many tranquil moments, Rose felt drawn to step out onto the veranda and watch the last of the sunrise as this day dawned. She carefully withdrew from the bed where the Doctor still lay sleeping and glanced around the room for something to slip on. The white oxford shirt the Doctor had worn the previous day lay crumpled messily across the nightstand where it had landed the night before as the Doctor shed it in haste. Rose flushed pleasantly at the memory as she picked up the shirt and slipped it on, fastening the buttons. She drew the collar up to her nose and inhaled deeply. She loved being surrounded by the Doctor's scent – like time and a warm summer breeze.

Rose padded out onto the veranda and leaned against the railing as she watched the golden light of the sunrise reflect across the ocean. Waking a few minutes later, the Doctor softly crossed the room and came out to join her. His arms slipped around her waist from behind as he drew her against his bare chest. He had slipped on his trousers, but his shirt was otherwise in use. He wasn't complaining. He loved it whenever Rose wore his shirts and their scents mingled.

The Doctor dipped his head and nudged the loose collar of the shirt down her shoulder, exposing her skin to his seeking lips as Rose sighed and tipped her head to the side to give him better access. His right hand came up to dance up and down along the buttons of the crisp white garment. "It seems someone took my shirt," he murmured against her soft, bare skin, his voice thick and gravelly from sleep.

She purred in agreement, a slow smile playing across her lips. "Feel free to take it back," Rose husked, as she turned her head back to look up at him.

He arched a brow, his eyes darkening. "Rose Tyler, you wanton, sexy minx."

"Only with you," she breathed, as his head lowered and his lips slowly moved towards hers.

"It better be only with me," he growled, before claiming her mouth with his own and kissing her with passion.

They slowly broke the kiss, and Rose leaned back against his chest once more as he continued to encircle her in his arms. "I woke up and you were gone," he whispered into her hair, his cheek resting against the side of her head.

_Now you know how it feels,_ Rose thought briefly, but she didn't say it. It would have come out sounding bitter and that was an emotion Rose did not feel a trace of. She did not hold the Doctor's restless wanderlust or his lack of a need for sleep against him. It just made her cherish the times he did stay with her until morning all the more.

Rose turned into his embrace and draped her arms around his neck as his hands came to rest on her hips. "But I'll never go far," she spoke softly, pressing a tender kiss to his gorgeous, stubbly jaw. Rose gazed up at him. "I suppose we'll both be going far today, though." There was slight sadness that they would be leaving, but mostly excitement she felt which laced her tone.

A dark look flickered in the Doctor's eyes, a trace of what had been there the night before. But it was chased away as quickly as it came. He did, however, tighten his grip on her just a little more. "We could just stay," he suddenly offered, surprising them both with the unexpected words that came out on a rush.

Rose could see the turmoil churning like a tempest in the depths of his eyes. He felt like she was safe here, shielded and protected in this magical world they created that only seemed to contain the two of them.

Yet his desire to return to the TARDIS had burned steadily within him since the day he had been separated from his ship. Traveling in the TARDIS was not just a part of what the Doctor did; it was a part of who he was. The Doctor was not a man who could be tied down to one place for long. And Rose would never ask that of him. Roaming and exploring the wonders of the universe was in his blood. They would undoubtedly face dangers out there again, just as always. But they would face them together.

Rose slowly shook her head as one hand drifted down his shoulder to rest on his chest. "I love it here. I love what we've created here. But as long as we're together we'll create places like this wherever we go." Rose placed a lingering kiss to his lips, then pulled back a fraction to look in his eyes. "Let's go home," she whispered.

The Doctor searched her eyes and seemed to find the assurance he needed contained within them. A slow, brilliant smile lit up his face, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Yeah, let's go home," he answered.

"But we'll come back sometime, yeah?" Rose added, not wanting to lose the magic of what had been found here.

Rose was not expecting the dampness that formed in his eyes or the thickness in his voice when he replied, but her question seemed to break his hearts. "We'll come back," he finally answered, swallowing hard to keep his voice from breaking. He prayed that was a promise to her he could keep.

-:-

The foreboding mood that had haunted the Doctor seemed to have for now been left behind as their plane took off and they journeyed ever nearer to their return to the TARDIS. Rose could feel the Doctor's excitement building higher and higher on their flight back to London until it reached an almost tangible level. As soon as they were on the ground at Heathrow, no time was wasted in getting a cab to take them back to the very spot they had left months before.

Rose's excitement almost matched that of the Doctor's. Not only was she anxious to return to the TARDIS, but she was now finally going to be able to see her mum once again. Rose had missed her so much over the past several months. But Rose also felt nervousness about how her mum would react to the news of her and the Doctor's relationship. They were, for all intents and purposes, now married. Rose wasn't quite sure how having an alien for a son-in-law would sit with her mum.

Now that time had caught up with where they had once been, they were back to a point in time where it had just been one day since her mum had seen Rose last. Rose thought the news would come as more of a shock if her mum were told the very next day after having just seen her. To Jackie, it would seem so sudden. So Rose and the Doctor agreed it would be best once they reached the TARDIS to travel a little bit ahead in time so that more time would have passed for her. Maybe then the news wouldn't seem quite so abrupt.

The cab came to a stop on a busy London corner and let them out once they reached their destination. The Doctor thrust several notes into the driver's hand, then spun back around. He took Rose's hand in his and she grinned back at him as manic enthusiasm bubbled to the surface and sparkled in his eyes.

They both hurried down the sidewalk and towards the alley where they knew a familiar blue box would be waiting. Technically, only one day had passed since they had been here last. The Doctor and Rose rounded the corner and their pace slowed to a stop. There stood the TARDIS, simply waiting patiently for their return, unfazed by the time that had passed for them.

Upon seeing the TARDIS standing tall and proud, Rose could not contain the laugh of joy that broke free. The Doctor looked to her, grinning so wide it looked like his face might split in two. He threw his head back and gave whoop of laughter as he lifted Rose off the ground in a crushing hug.

He set her back on her feet and they both hurried forward. With the TARDIS key already in hand, the Doctor turned the beloved Yale lock and opened the door. The familiar creak as the door swung open was the sound of coming home. Rose went to step in, but the Doctor stilled her with a hand on her arm. Before she could question him, he swept her into his arms, his eyes gleaming with merriment as he carried her inside and closed the door behind them.

"You're a nutter," Rose chuckled, as he carried her up the ramp and set her back on her feet.

"And now you're stuck with me," he replied, a lopsided grin on his face.

It was cliché, she knew it, but Rose didn't care. "Yeah," she drawled, "but stuck with you, that's not so bad."

His eyes twinkled as he made a happy sound in his throat, his hands still resting on her waist.

Rose grinned as she buried her face in his chest and hugged him tight. She lifted her eyes back to his as he tilted his head, gazing up at the coral structure of his beloved ship and sweeping his eyes around the familiar room, recommitting it all to memory.

"It's strange," Rose noted, as he glanced back down at her. "Before, it felt like we had been away for so long. But now...," she shrugged, "now that we're back it almost seems like it's been no time at all."

"Well technically it's just been a day since we were in here last," the Doctor reasoned.

Rose shook her head in bemusement. "Sometimes time travel can be so...confusing."

He chuckled. "Welcome to my world."

Rose's fingers freed his tie from his jacket and used it to pull him closer as she smiled slowly. "I think I've already been welcomed to your world...quite properly."

It was then a new tradition was started between them. Instead of just the 'Victory Hug' they so often shared when celebrating, it became a very thorough, intense, breath-stealing 'Victory Kiss.'

The separated and shared a radiant smile before the Doctor then turned and bound over to the console. He placed his hand on the ship and stroked it fondly as he gazed up at the glowing central column. In return, the TARDIS brushed his mind warmly, giving a hum in welcome as the Time Rotor pulsed. Rose felt it, too. She came near and placed her hand over the Doctor's where it rested on the console.

"She's welcoming us home," Rose said softly.

The Doctor nodded and swallowed past the lump of joy in his throat. He was home.

Rose stepped back and watched in delight as he then began twisting knobs, pulling levers and pressing buttons in that glorious dance she had not seen in far too long.

As she watched him, Rose's mind drifted back to his reply months before when she had asked how they were going to get back to the TARDIS.

'_There's only one way to get back,'_ he had said. _'Wait for time to take us there.' _

Time had indeed brought them back. And what an incredible journey it led them on along the way. Rose didn't think it was possible for anything to ruin the happiness they felt this day.

She was unaware of the darkness that awaited them.

Two evils were about to converge in a deadly battle.

This would be the day of War on Earth.


	28. Chapter 28

**And so it begins...**

* * *

><p>Rose stood by the Doctor's side at the console, anxiously chewing the tip of her thumb as he piloted the TARDIS to take her to see her mum. She was feeling equally nervous and excited. But excitement was quickly winning out. After four months, Rose was overjoyed that she would finally be able to see her again.<p>

The trip had been slightly delayed, however, when after putting the TARDIS into the Vortex, the Doctor had, quite literally, pounced on Rose and they ended up making love (fulfilling a longstanding fantasy she'd had) in the console room. She would never look at the jump seat in quite the same way ever again.

The Doctor would later say that he was merely feeling overly exhilarated at finally being back in the TARDIS as explanation for his lack of control. But Rose suspected that for all his talk about being able to raise and lower his barriers at will and control his desires, it seemed it only took her giving him the right kind of look for his barriers to fall at her feet.

Rose would have been more than happy to continue their side-tracking activities indefinitely if she had not been so eager to finally see her mum. Yet she was undeniably nervous about how her mum would take the news of her and the Doctor's relationship. Regardless, Rose was now and grown woman and she had made her choice. And despite her mum's earlier, less than glowing opinion of the Doctor, Rose believed that once her mum came to realize how deeply she and the Doctor loved each other, she couldn't help but be truly happy for them.

Just to be on the safe side, though, it wouldn't hurt to bring a little gift to help ensure she would be in a good mood, Rose thought. Rose decided to give her mum the Bazoolium she had picked up at a market on the asteroid bazaar the Doctor had taken her to shortly before they had been separated from the TARDIS.

Rose and the Doctor had discussed it, and they decided it would be best if some time had passed since Jackie had seen them last so their news wouldn't seem quite so sudden. They both agreed to travel ahead two months. It was only half the amount of time that had passed for the two of them, but Rose didn't want her mum to go that long without seeing her. Two months seemed like a sufficient amount of time. And maybe her mum would have missed her just enough that she would take the news a little better, just being happy to see Rose again.

The TARDIS materialized in a children's play area near the Powell Estate. Rose didn't have time to do any laundry once they'd returned to the TARDIS (due to being preoccupied with other, decidedly more pleasant activities), so she stuffed the laundry that had accumulated during their trip in her rucksack and brought it along.

The Doctor and Rose were feeling positively giddy as they exited the TARDIS together. They finally had all of time and space once again at their fingertips, and they were madly in love _and_ now able to express it. All seemed right with the world as they made their way to Jackie's flat with an airy bounce in their step, chatting merrily and swinging their joined hands between them.

"Mum, it's us! We're baaack!" Rose called out excitedly as she stepped through the front door.

Jackie hurried from where she'd been in the kitchen over to the door to greet them. "Oh, I don't know why you bother with that phone! You never use it!" Jackie chided, as she and Rose threw their arms around each other in a hug_. _

_If only you knew, _Rose thought, _just_ _how many times I wished I could have used that phone to talk to you._

"Oh, I love you!" Jackie said, as they continued to embrace.

"I love you!" Rose replied, and hugged her all the tighter.

The Doctor, looking on, smiled warmly as mother and daughter were finally reunited. He also used Jackie's distraction to try and slip past unnoticed to avoid her wrath for having kept her daughter away so long, but with no such luck.

"Oh no you don't. Come here!" Jackie spotted him slinking past and pinned him with a hug, then planted sloppy kisses on his face.

"Oh, you lovely, big fella!" she fussed over him. "Oh, you're all mine!"

Rose tried to hold back her amusement. If only her mum knew. It might not be kisses she'd soon be planting on the Doctor's face.

"Just…just put me down," the Doctor spluttered in protest. This was even worse than being slapped, he decided. He just hoped this wasn't a sign of things to come considering that they were now practically (he shuddered at the thought) family.

The Doctor finally disentangled himself from Jackie's trapping embrace, wiping at his face with the back of his hand in disgust. There was only one Tyler woman he wanted the affection of, and it was _not_ Jackie.

Rose slid her rucksack down from her shoulder and handed it over to her mum. "I've got _loads_ of washing for you." That probably wasn't the best gift to present her with, Rose noted, and quickly produced the ornate object, smiling widely.

"And...I got you this! It's from the market on this asteroid bazaar. It's made of...um...," Rose found her mind was having a hard time focusing due to her excitement and nervousness. She turned back to the Doctor. "What's it called?" she asked, needing a little help here.

"Bazoolium," he answered.

"Bazoolium," Rose repeated. "When it gets cold, yeah, it means it's gonna rain. When it's hot, it's gonna be sunny. You can use it to tell the weather!" she said brightly, hoping this exotic gift would impress her mum and maybe soften their news.

"I've got a surprise for you and all," Jackie replied.

"Oh, I get her a Bazoolium and she doesn't even say 'thanks'," Rose muttered. Well, so much for the hopes of her being impressed by the gift.

Whatever Jackie's surprise might be, Rose had some rather important news of her own. She decided it would be best to just come out with it as quickly as possible as they made their way into the sitting room.

"Mum," Rose began as they all sat, "I have some news for you, too. And I think...I think I better just say this first, okay?"

Jackie now looked a little cautious, but she nodded as Rose drew a deep, fortifying breath into her lungs. "I know it's been two months for you since you've seen us last, but actually, for us, it's been four." Rose shook her head slightly. "It's a really, really long story; but basically, the Doctor and I got separated from the TARDIS. We were sent four months into the past and had to wait for time to catch back up to us before we could get back to where we had been." Rose cut her eyes up to the Doctor. "How am I doin' so far?"

"Adequately accurate," he assessed, stretching his long legs out and crossing them at the ankles. His calm, casual demeanor was a little annoying considering Rose was fighting down butterflies in her stomach.

Rose cleared her throat and looked back to her mum. "Right. So anyway, we've been living most of these past four months up North, in Kendal, because we couldn't risk being here and crossing back over our past timeline." Rose paused to see if Jackie seemed to be following, then continued on. "The Doctor and I...well...we were renting a flat together." Rose bit her lip in hesitation, but Jackie didn't seem too fazed by this news considering the two of them had been living together in the TARDIS for over two years. "So much happened in those four months. Mum, what I'm trying to say is...a lot happened between us during that time. And when I say a _lot_...well...,"

Jackie saw where this was leading and suddenly cut in bluntly, stating her realization. "You're tryin' to tell me you're sleeping with an alien, aren't you?" Her voice then rose a pitch higher, causing the once calm Doctor to wince as the words _'Stitch this, mate!'_ flashed in his mind. "And...and I can just imagine how long this has been goin' on! Oh, I should've known! So now it all comes out. The two of you, alone in that...that _box_ together, even back when himself here was all Northern accent and leather." She nodded accusingly towards the Doctor. "This is what the two of you've been up to all along, isn't it?"

Rose momentarily fell silent as the Doctor stammered to reply. "We hadn't been!" he protested. "Not all along, that is. But _now_, well...," he awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck as Jackie interrupted briskly.

"Oh, shut up, you. I don't want to hear the details, thank you very much."

He promptly closed his mouth and sat back with a frown. He didn't understand why Jackie was so upset about Rose 'sleeping with an alien.' To him, _Rose_ was the alien. That certainly didn't deter him. But having been 'shut up' by Jackie, he wasn't able to present that piece of logic.

"Mum," Rose began gently, "that's not how it was all along. But what he and I have between us is so much more than that now." She looked up at the Doctor and smiled softly, her eyes sparkling. She still couldn't quite believe this was true. "The Doctor and I are bonded."

Jackie snorted. "Well, obviously, if that's what you want to call it."

Rose sighed as the Doctor leaned forward and spoke once more. "Jackie, being bonded is the Gallifreyan equivalent of what you would consider a marriage. So whatever you might be thinking about our relationship, my commitment to Rose is without question."

All three sat in heavy silence as Jackie processed this revelation.

After a moment of pondering, she finally replied. "So does this mean I'm gonna have grandchildren with tentacles?"

Rose nearly choked. The Doctor answered in exasperation. "Jackie, do _I_ have tentacles?"

She gave him a critical up and down appraisal. "Well, I really wouldn't know. But I suppose _Rose_ would," she said pointedly, as Rose inadvertently flushed.

The Doctor was hesitant to even discuss this with Jackie, but he decided she had the right to know. "It wouldn't be an issue either way because Rose and I won't be able to have children. It's not possible for us," he said gently, gauging her reaction.

Jackie was less than thrilled with this news and the idea that her daughter could never have children – alien or otherwise. She turned to Rose. "So you could never have kids...never have a family?"

Rose reached over and took her hand. "Mum, if I couldn't have that with the Doctor then it's something I never would've had anyway. He is the man _I_ _love_ and all that I could ever want. Nothing will be missing in our lives as long as he and I have each other."

Jackie was silent for another few minutes. Once she had time to begin processing it she realized she really wasn't surprised by this news at all. She knew her daughter well enough to know Rose had been in love with the Doctor for a very long time. She finally spoke up again, resigning herself to that fact. "Well, I suppose none of this is up to me anyway, is it? You've made your own choice. All I really want is for you to be happy, sweetheart."

Rose smiled in relief as she leaned over and wrapped her in a hug. "You have no idea how happy I am."

Jackie then turned to the Doctor. "As for you...all I want is the same thing I always have. And that is your promise to me that you'll always keep her safe."

The Doctor's expression was sober. "I'll protect her with my life, Jackie, just as I always have. I'll do whatever it takes to always keep Rose safe."

Jackie knew she couldn't ask more of him. This would have to be enough. She nodded and drew a deep breath as she looked back to Rose, a smile forming on her face. "Well, I'm not the only one you can share your news with," she announced. Now it was her turn for a surprise. Ordinarily she wouldn't have simply moved on from something like this so quickly, but this news was rather important as well. "This is what I was tryin' to tell you before. Guess who's coming to visit? You're just in time - he'll be here at ten past! Who do you think it is?"

Rose was a little bemused by her sudden shift to enthusiasm. "I don't know."

"Oh go on, guess!"

Rose sighed. After such a heavy conversation she wasn't in the mood. "No, I hate guessing. Just tell me."

Jackie paused and grinned widely. "It's your granddad. Granddad Prentice. He's on his way. Any minute!"

Jackie stood up and headed for the kitchen. "Right, cup of tea!"

Rose stood up and gaped after her as the Doctor came up behind her. Apparently their news _was_ too much for her to handle after all. It had sent her over the edge. "She's gone mad," Rose stated slowly, staring towards her mum in concern.

The Doctor just smirked. "Tell me something new."

"Granddad Prentice – that's her dad. But he died like…ten years ago," Rose explained.  
>"Oh my God. She's lost it."<p>

Rose and the Doctor followed her to the kitchen and stood in the doorway. "Mum? What you just said about Granddad..."

Jackie's voice was laced with excitement. "Any second now."

Rose spoke gently. "But...he passed away. His heart gave out. Do you remember that?"

"'Course I do."

Rose shook her head. "Then how can he come back?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Jackie checked her watch. "Ten past. Here he comes."

A featureless, shadowy figure began to materialize in the room and suddenly appeared right next to Jackie. "Here we are, then! Dad, say hello to Rose. Ain't she grown?"

The Doctor and Rose looked on, dumbstruck.

-:-

All three sat by the telly as the Doctor scanned through each channel in bewilderment. The current topic on every network was the same. Ghost enthusiasm had apparently spread worldwide. Rose perched on the side of the couch with her mum as the Doctor sat on the floor beside them. Rose tried very hard to ignore the fact that he was currently wearing The Glasses. Now just wasn't the time for 'those' kinds of thoughts, she told herself firmly. Not when there was an apparent crisis building, and _not_ when they were in the company of her mum.

The Doctor tried to learn as much as he could from Jackie about these supposed 'ghosts.' "When did it start?" he asked.

"Well first of all, Peggy heard this noise in the cellar, so she goes down...," Jackie began to explain.

Rose smirked and the Doctor rolled his eyes in exasperation. "No, I mean worldwide."

"Oh! That was about two months ago. Just happened. Woke up one morning and there they all were – ghosts, everywhere. We all ran around screaming and that, whole planet was panicking. No sign of _you_, thank you very much," she added.

Two months. The realization began to set in. If the Doctor had come sooner, even before that, if he'd been able to have the TARDIS to detect the beginning of this activity, maybe he could have stopped all of this before it escalated to this point. There was no changing that now. He had to work from this point forward.

The Doctor quickly sprang into action, determined to somehow get the situation in hand. They moved outdoors where the Doctor set up devices outside the TARDIS to triangulate the ghost's point of origin.

Rose assisted him from inside the TARDIS as Jackie joined her at the console for a mother-daughter talk. Maybe this wasn't exactly the best time, Jackie thought to herself; but considering the life Rose and the Doctor led, these were most likely the only sort of moments she would have.

Jackie couldn't deny that she was happy Rose had found a true and deep love. But that still didn't mean she was entirely at ease with the idea of Rose living the rest of her life like a roving alien. And considering she was now married or bonded or whatever they called it to _a roving alien_, that would undoubtedly be the way Rose _would_ live the rest of her life.

"You've changed so much," Jackie noted quietly as she studied her daughter in contemplation. The changes in Rose were evident, just since the last time she had seen her. She could perceive that the four months she and the Doctor had spent alone together had clearly changed Rose in a profound way.

"For the better," Rose insisted, having never felt more complete or completely alive now that she and the Doctor had reached this point together.

"I s'pose so," Jackie replied softly, wanting to believe that it was true.

Rose turned to her, willing her to understand the enormity of how the Doctor had changed her life. "Mum, I used to work in a _shop_."

"I've worked in shops. What's wrong with that?" Jackie replied back defensively, clearly not grasping the depth of what Rose was trying to convey.

"No, I didn't mean that," Rose tried to explain.

"I know what you meant," Jackie retorted. "What happens when I'm gone?" she leveled at her bluntly.

"Don't talk like that!"

"No, but really." Jackie softened but remained serious. "When I'm dead and buried, you won't have any reason to come back home. What happens then?"

She paused and glanced down. "I don't know," Rose answered quietly.

"Do you think you'll ever settle down?" she questioned, needing to know more about this life Rose and the Doctor planned to lead together now that she knew it was unquestionably permanent.

"The Doctor never will, so I can't." Rose knew his life was meant for traveling the stars. And she was more than happy with that. She had told him that was the life she wanted before they left their bungalow on the beach. "I'll just keep on travelling," Rose replied, with complete assurance in her decision.

"And you'll keep on changing," Jackie warned. "And in forty years' time, fifty, there'll be this woman – this strange woman walking through the marketplace on some planet a billion miles from Earth. But she's not Rose Tyler. Not anymore. She's not even human."

Rose remained silent as she took Jackie's words to heart. Something inside her told her that she _would_ change – in an even more profound way than she already had. Through the link she and the Doctor shared at their most intimate times, she would sometimes catch glimpses of timelines, possibilities, and potentials – potentials that seemed too extraordinary to even speak of. And whatever 'changes' may lay in store for Rose, it was not something she feared but something she embraced as destiny.

-:-

Despite the seriousness of the current situation, beneath it all, the Doctor couldn't hide his almost hyper enthusiasm at having a universal crisis to solve with Rose once again. It had been so long. And this was, after all, one of the things they did best.

He dashed into the TARDIS, throwing his coat over the side strut as he went. "I said so!" he spoke excitedly as he rushed up to the console and began entering coordinates. "Those ghosts have been _forced _into existence from one specific point! And I can track down the source." He pulled the final lever and set them in flight with a gleeful exclamation of, "Allons-y!"

The Doctor continued prattling away to himself as he twisted knobs and punched buttons at the console as he piloted the ship.

"I like that. 'Allons-y'. I should say 'Allons-y' more often. 'Allons-y'." He gave the expression a try. "Watch out, Rose Tyler! Allons-y!" Yes, he thought to himself, that had a definite ring to it. "And _then," _he continued, "it would be really brilliant if I met someone called Alonzo..." He came to a stop in front of Rose, who'd been quietly watching him with a peculiar look on her face. "Because then I could say, 'Allons-y, Alonzo', every time!"

His wide grin quickly faded as he noticed her expression. "You're staring at me," he noted.

This wasn't Rose's _'let's make love in the console room again'_ look. No, this particular look made him very uneasy.

"My mum is still onboard," Rose quietly informed him.

_Very_ uneasy. His eyes lifted slowly and widened as they fell upon Jackie seated up above.

"If we end up on Mars, I'm gonna kill you," she threatened.

The Doctor looked on in dread. This day was quickly going downhill.

He wasn't aware of just how bad it would soon get. The TARDIS had arrived at its destination within an institute known as Torchwood.


	29. Chapter 29

**Don't hate me (too much) for this chapter! The story is not quite finished yet... ;)**

**The dialog is, of course, from the episodes "Army of Ghosts" and "Doomsday" written by Russell T. Davies and not me, the rights of which belong to the BBC.**

* * *

><p>It was a selfish move, the Doctor knew that. But when he stepped out of the TARDIS and was met by Yvonne Hartman and a squad of armed soldiers with their weapons trained on him, the Doctor could feel the storm clouds moving ever closer – the storm he had feared and sworn to himself he would protect Rose from at any cost. He did not want her even leaving the TARDIS and being caught up in what was going to come. So when a demand was made for Rose, he presented them with Jackie instead, desperately hoping Rose would stay safe within the TARDIS.<p>

A few minutes later, the TARDIS was taken away and deposited deeper into Torchwood's artifact warehouse with Rose still inside. As it began moving past, she peered out the door and her eyes met the Doctor's. He silently sent her his feelings of love and reassurance through their link and willed her to remain safe.

Rose, of course, was not simply going to sit in the TARDIS and do nothing in this situation. Quickly rummaging through the pocket of the Doctor's coat which had remained in the TARDIS, she found the psychic paper. With luck, this would give her the needed access and credentials to move about the institute.

After exiting the TARDIS, Rose found a lab coat lying nearby and slipped it on in order to blend in unnoticed. She then began making her way down the corridor. She rounded a corner where she saw a man just up ahead turn and head into another room. Following from a distance, Rose approached the same door and paused for a moment before pressing the psychic paper to the lock as the door slid open.

Rose stepped inside. Her gaze was instantly fixed on a large sphere suspended at the end of the chamber, almost hypnotized by its eerie presence.

The same sphere the Doctor had inspected earlier upon being taken to this room by Yvonne Hartman and learning that the sphere had come through the Void, with the ghosts following in its wake. The Doctor was then taken to the lever room which contained the breach – the hole in the fabric of reality and the opening into the Void. The Doctor managed to persuade a temporary postponement of opening the breach for the next ghost shift just long enough to allow him to explain the tremendous risk to the planet by continuing.

Rose continued to stand there now, transfixed by the sphere.

"Can I help you?" came the voice of a man in a white lab coat who had approached her.

Rose turned to him. "I was just..."

"Try not to look," he advised. "It does that to everyone. What do you want?"

Rose quickly regained her composure. "Sorry. Um...they sent me from personnel. They said some man had been taken prisoner. Some sort of Doctor? I'm just...checking the lines of communication. Did they tell you anything?" she questioned, maintaining a casual front.

"Can I see your authorization?" he asked.

"Sure." Rose calmly handed him the psychic paper, hoping it would sustain her cover.

He smiled. "That's lucky." Rose smiled in return, but the smile quickly slipped from her face as he continued. "You see, everyone at Torchwood has at least a basic level of psychic training. This paper is blank. And you're a fake." He spoke into the comm-system. "Seal the room. Call security." He then turned to address another man in the room. "Samuel? Can you check the door locks? She just walked right in."

Rose's mind was racing with what to do next when the man referred to as 'Samuel' turned around. She gaped in astonishment. It was Mickey. "Doing it now, sir," he replied. He then put a finger to his lips and gave Rose the thumbs up, grinning.

Rose was stunned. She had no idea how Mickey could have crossed back over from the parallel world, but at the moment she really didn't care. All she knew was she had never been more happy to see him in her life.

-:-

Meanwhile, the Doctor sat in Yvonne Hartman's office as she tried to learn more from him about the activity of the ghosts and the sphere.

"So these ghosts, whatever they are – did they build the sphere?" she questioned.

"Must have," he replied. "Aimed it at this dimension like a cannon ball."

They were then interrupted by the voice of a man communicating via web-cam through her computer. "Yvonne? I think you should see this. We've got a visitor. We don't know who she is, but funnily enough, she arrived at the same time as the Doctor."

The Doctor's lips quirked in a brief smile. He was then presented with the image of Rose on the computer screen. He should have known she wouldn't just stay put in the TARDIS. Not his Rose.

"She one of yours?" Yvonne asked.

_Oh, how she was his_, the Doctor thought to himself. Best not tell that, though. He quickly collected his thoughts. "Never seen her before in my life," he lied, sounding unconvincing.

"Good. Then we can have her shot."

The Doctor sighed. He knew it was impossible to hide it or maintain a neutral facade where Rose was concerned. "Oh, alright then. It was worth a try. That's...," he indicated to Rose, his eyes locking on hers as he wondered how it was possible to love someone so much, "_that's_ Rose Tyler."

"Sorry," Rose told him sheepishly, then smiled and waved in their usual, beloved greeting. "Hello."

He couldn't help but smile back as he lifted his hand and waved. He would keep her safe through this, he swore to himself. Whatever it took.

The Doctor didn't realize then the enormous sacrifice he would have to make for her safety. Nor did he know the extent of the evil they would soon face.

The situation quickly escalated to deadly proportions as the ghosts, now unstoppable, crossed once more through the Void and marched across the entire Earth. It was then they were revealed for who they really were.

Cybermen.

Millions of them. Right across the world. It wasn't an invasion – it was too late for that. It was a victory.

Simultaneously, in the sphere chamber below, Rose and Mickey watched as the sphere began to open and unleash its deadly cargo. Fear struck in Rose's heart as four Daleks, the last of the Cult of Skaro, emerged and began their descent.

-:-

The Doctor stood staring ahead, his expression stricken as the Cybermen now had control of Torchwood, and seemingly, the entire world. As his mind churned with the severity of the situation and the danger now faced by the population of the whole planet, his thoughts kept circling back to one. Rose. Could he get to her? Was she still unharmed? He couldn't even allow his mind to go over the scenarios of what could be happening to her. The Doctor had to maintain his focus if any of them were going to have a chance in this.

He wasn't the only one filled with rising concern over Rose's fate. Jackie was growing more and more distressed.

"What's down there? She was in that room with the sphere. What's happened to Rose?" she asked him, distraught.

"I don't know," the Doctor stated abruptly, desperately trying to keep his swelling emotions in check.

Jackie broke down into tears. The Doctor walked over to her and spoke with the same conviction his words held when he had made his promise to Jackie earlier that he would keep Rose safe. "I'll find her," he swore. "I brought you here, I'll get you both out. You and your daughter. Jackie, look at me. _Look_ at me."

Jackie looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen. "I promise you. I give you my word."

-:-

The Doctor's fear for Rose's safety, however, skyrocketed when he learned the Daleks had been within the sphere and were now unleashed.

Jackie once again questioned him, her voice beginning to break as she feared his answer. "Rose said about the Daleks. She was terrified of them. What have they done to her, Doctor? Is she dead?"

The Doctor's thin line of control was beginning to fray as he suddenly turned to her. "Phone," he hissed fiercely.

"What did you–?" she whispered

"Phone!" he repeated, holding out his hand in demand.

Jackie covertly handed over her phone. The Doctor dialed Rose's mobile and held the phone to his ear, his hearts in his throat as he waited for a response.

Within the sphere chamber, Rose furtively connected the call but was unable to speak.

Relief flooded through the Doctor. "She's answered. She's alive."

Jackie's hand flew up to her mouth to keep from crying out in joy.

The Doctor was able to listen in on the communication between the Dalek's and the Cybermen until the Daleks terminated the transmission.

But the Doctor had been detected on the screen in the background during the communication.

"Rewind image by nine rells," the cold voice of a Dalek grated out.

The image was rewound and focused in on the obscured form of the Doctor. "Identify grid seven gamma frame."

"This male registers as enemy," they assessed.

Rose's heart leapt in her chest at the sight of him on the screen as a beaming smile broke out across her face. Even a Dalek was aware of her reaction to the man she loved.

"The female's heartbeat has increased," one declared.

Mickey smirked. "Yeah, tell me about it."

"Identify him," the Daleks ordered.

Rose answered with steely confidence. "All right then, if you really want to know. _That's_ the Doctor."

Simultaneously, the Daleks abruptly moved back upon hearing the name_. _

Rose continued, boldly. "Five million Cybermen? Easy. One Doctor? _Now_ you're scared."

But it seemed Rose had more confidence in the Doctor than he had in himself at the moment. A few minutes later Jackie was dragged away by the Cybermen to be 'upgraded' while he stood powerless to stop them. Jackie screamed to him for help as he shouted back that he would try to save her.

But how? In this situation how could he possibly save anyone?

-:-

The Doctor sat by a window, gazing out at the world below plunged in turmoil – turmoil that matched what now raged inside him and had a death-grip on his hearts, whispering in his ear and telling him this was another War he would lose. For so long the Doctor had felt this coming, closing in on them. He had wanted to shield Rose from the very universe itself so no harm could ever come to her. He knew that wasn't possible, yet he had sworn to himself he would not lose Rose.

The Doctor had known the heartbreak he was risking in allowing himself to love her, but it was a risk he was finally willing to take if it meant he could have her completely, if only for a time. Now he stood on the verge of losing it all after having only just begun. The thought was too much for him to bear.

The harsh, metallic pounding of the Cybermen's march broke the silence of his reverie as it approached where he sat. "You are proof," it ground out, cold and emotionless.

The Doctor slowly turned his head. "Of what," he asked, toneless.

"That emotions destroy you."

As the Doctor stood on the brink of losing all he loved, he realized the painful truth of those words. "Yeah," he agreed dismally, "I am."

Yet just when he thought all was lost, he was given a glimmer of hope as a group of armed fighters cloaked in black suddenly appeared.

"Mind you, I quite like hope," the Doctor added, as his voice took on the note of that emotion. His gaze locked on the group materializing out of thin air. "Hope's a good emotion. And here it comes."

Their weapons were quickly fired at the Cybermen in the room, destroying them, as the Doctor looked on in astonishment.

"Doctor, good to see you again," one of the men spoke up as he removed his protective mask, revealing his familiar face.

"Jake!" the Doctor exclaimed in further surprise.

"The Cybermen came through from one world to the other, and so did we."

The Doctor then learned of the technology the parallel version of Torchwood had developed which allowed them to cross the Void. After being transported across to the other world and once again meeting with its version of Pete Tyler, the Doctor, Pete and Jake then returned to the fight.

Before continuing on, the Doctor made a phone call. Relief passed through him as he confirmed that Jackie was still alive, having escaped the Cybermen and ducking into a stairwell. The Doctor assured her once again he would come for her.

Before heading out, the Doctor approached Jake and took his gun from him, inspecting it. "Now then, Jake-y boy, if I can open up the bonding chamber on this thing, it could work on polycarbide."

Jake shook his head. "What's polycarbide?"

"Skin of a Dalek."

-:-

Having brokered a temporary deal with the Cybermen, the three were able to make their way to the sphere chamber where at last, the Doctor found Rose.

He strode casually in, hands in his pockets. His calm exterior belied the storm he'd been feeling inside. He turned to Rose, relief pouring through him at being with her once more.

"How are you?"

Rose's glowing smile lit up her face. "Oh, same old, you know."

He grinned back. "Good."

He then turned to Mickey. "And Mickity-McMickey! Nice to see ya!"

They knocked fists. "And you, boss."

"Social interaction will cease!" the nearest Dalek ordered.

"How did you survive the Time War?" another demanded.

The Doctor stared back at his deadly enemies, the ones who always seemed to survive while he lost everything. He answered with the hard truth.

"By fighting. On the front line. I was there at the fall of Arcadia." There was a time when he thought the War was something he could never come to terms with. But now? Rose had begun to heal him, to make him better. To the point that he was able to say now what he once thought he never could. "Someday I may even come to terms with that."

The Daleks ordered the Doctor to open what they referred to as the Genesis Ark, but he refused. They claimed with arrogance that he had no way of resisting, but they apparently underestimated the Doctor _and_ his sonic screwdriver. Because if there was one thing it was good at, it was opening doors.

With the aim of the sonic and the press of the button, the door to the room exploded inward as Jake and his team followed through, opening fire on the Daleks as the Cybermen, too, fired upon them and the two enemies locked in battle. Amidst the resounding exclamations of 'Exterminate!' and 'Delete!', Rose and the Doctor, along with Mickey, Jake and Pete were able to escape from the room, but not before a stumble from Mickey caused the Genesis Ark, a Dalek prison ship, to prime. Soon it opened, releasing millions of Daleks upon the Earth.

-:-

This _had_ to end, and there was only one way it could be done. The Doctor led the way back up to the lever room once Jackie had been found, safe. After a tearful and emotion-filled reunion with Pete, a man who'd come from a world that was currently at peace, the Doctor was beginning to see the only option that lay before him for Rose's safety. The very thought killed him, yet it was a sacrifice he would make if it meant her survival.

Pete surveyed the carnage below from the upper window once they'd made it to the lever room "I'm sorry, but you've had it. This world's gonna crash and burn. There's nothing we can do. We're going home. Jacks, take this." He spoke insistently as he tossed her a large yellow button that would allow her to cross to the other world.

"But they're destroying the City!" Jackie protested.

He smiled fondly as he looped the button's chain around her neck. "I'd forgotten you could argue. It's not just London, it's the whole world." He cupped her face in his hands. "But there's another world just waiting for you, Jacks. And it's safe. As long as the Doctor closes the breach." He looked up. "Doctor?"

The Doctor had been facing the window, a battle raging within him of even greater magnitude than the one outside. He knew what had to be done. He also knew he had to put on the bravest front of his life for Rose's sake as he slowly turned around and forced a mask of a smile to his face. "Oh, I'm ready. I've got the equipment right here. Thank you, Torchwood!"

He ran over to a computer. "Slam it down and close off both universes."

"_Reboot systems_," came the computerized voice.

"But we can't just leave. What about the Daleks? And the Cybermen." Rose questioned.

The Doctor straightened up, forcing a cheerfulness into his tone that made him sick to his stomach. If he was going to do this, if these were his last moments with Rose, then he wanted her to remember him smiling, not weeping. "They're part of the problem. And _that _makes them part of the solution," he said with enforced enthusiasm. "Oh yes!"

"Well?" he continued his cheerful charade, "Isn't anyone going ask? What is it with the glasses?"

Rose was not yet aware of his heart-rending plan. All she knew was that when the Doctor smiled, her entire world lit up, and she couldn't help but smile, too. "What is it with the glasses?" she grinned.

The Doctor spoke at rapid speed because if he stopped, if he slowed, his emotions would overtake him, and he could _not_ let that happen. Not yet. **"**I can _see_! That's what! Because we've got two separate worlds, but in between the two separate worlds, we've got the Void. That's where the Daleks were hiding. And the Cybermen traveled through the Void to get here!And you lot – one world to another, via the Void! Oh, I like that. Via the Void. Look!"

He quickly put his 3D glasses on Rose's face and darted back and forth so she could see the particles hovering around him. "I've been through it. Do you see?"

"_Reboot in three minutes..._," echoed the computer once again.

"Like, um...background radiation!" Rose concluded.

His clever Rose. He continued to smile "That's it. Look at the others."

Rose turned and saw the same particles hovering around the others who had crossed the Void, with the exception of Jackie. The Doctor then turned and dashed down the end of the room towards the white wall where the breach would open, with Rose following along with him and grinning, as if this was their first grand adventure together, not their last.

"The Daleks lived inside the Void," he continued. "They're bristling with it. Cybermen – all of them. I just open the Void – end of verse. The Void stuff gets sucked back inside."

"Pulling 'em all in!" Rose finished with enthusiasm.

"Pulling 'em all in!" he echoed.

Rose soon began to realize the full implications of what this would mean, though. She looked at the Doctor, piecing together what he was saying and becoming concerned. "But...it's like you said, we've _all_ got Void stuff. Me too, because we went to that parallel world." Rose looked down at her hand, seeing the ominous particles hovering around her. She looked back up at the Doctor. "We're all contaminated. We'll get pulled in," she said bleakly.

The Doctor slowly stepped towards her, his hearts shattering within his chest as he spoke the words that came next, painfully forcing them out. "That's why you've got to go..."

This was the only way. He would not stand by and watch Rose die. He swore to himself she would live at any cost – even if she would live that life without him.

"_Reboot in two minutes...," _the computer continued counting down.

"Back to Pete's world," he continued, then glanced up at Pete, the man he was now entrusting with the most precious thing to him in all the universe. "Hey, we should call it that – 'Pete's World,'" he said, desperately trying to put lightness into his tone before looking back into Rose's eyes. "I'm opening the Void, but only on this side. You'll be _safe_ on that side." The Doctor tried to make her see this was the only way to keep her safe. The only option.

Rose gaped at him, not even comprehending how he could suggest such a thing.

"And then you close it. For good?" Pete questioned.

"The breach itself is soaked in Void Stuff, in the end it'll close itself," the Doctor answered. "And that's it. Kaput."

Rose continued to stare at him in disbelief. "But you stay on _this_ side?

"But you'll get pulled in," Mickey objected.

The Doctor continued to hold Rose's stricken gaze before slowly pulling his eyes up, then hurrying over to grab one of the magna-clamps he had taken. "That's why...I got these," he stated. "I'll just have to hold on tight – I've been doing it all my life." _While everything I've ever held slipped through my fingers_, his mind finished.

"I'm supposed to go?" Rose asked incredulously, finding her voice once again.

"Yeah," he replied shortly, because anything else he could possibly say died in his throat and could not make it to his lips.

"To another world and then it gets sealed off?"

"Yes."

The Doctor couldn't even look at her. He quickly turned and headed over to one of the computers in the room so she couldn't look in his eyes and see that his world was ending. He had sent Rose away once before to protect her, and that had been one of the worst moments of his life.

Until today.

"Forever?" Rose laughed at the utter preposterousness of this idea. "That's not gonna happen," she said firmly. It wasn't even a consideration.

A blast from the battle raging outside shook the building as Pete spoke up briskly. "We haven't got time to argue. The plan works, we're going." He pointed to Rose and Jackie. "You two. _All _of us."

Rose's voice grew loud and insistent. "No, I'm not leaving him!"

"I'm not going without her," Jackie asserted.

"Oh, my God. We're _going_!" Pete insisted.

"I've had twenty years without you, so button it," Jackie retorted. "I'm not leavin' her."

Rose turned to her mum, her voice softening. "You've _got_ to."

Jackie shook her head, her voice rising. "Well, that's tough!"

"Mum..."

"_Reboot in one minute..."_

Rose's voice trembled as she spoke softly. "I've had a life with you for nineteen years. But then I met the Doctor and...all the things I've seen him do for me. For you. For all of us. For the whole...stupid planet and every planet out there. He does it _alone_, Mum." The promise Rose had given the Doctor the night she pledged herself to him – the promise that he was no longer alone – resonated in her mind as she stepped back towards the Doctor, towards the man she loved. She would not leave him. "But not anymore. Because now he's got _me_."

Making a decision that tore him in two, the Doctor slowly stepped up behind Rose and slipped the disc around her neck, knowing that in doing so he would both lose her and save her.

Pete pressed the button, activating the devices. In an instant, they were gone.

The Doctor stood staring at the now vacant place where Rose once stood, the emptiness filling his entire being.

Rose instantly found herself transported to the parallel universe. Realizing what he had done, she immediately decided this would not stand. "Oh, no you don't," she breathed, as her hand went to the button. "He's not doing that to me again."

Rose suddenly reappeared before him, and for just a moment, the Doctor's hearts soared. But he could not let her do this. Better to _live_ a life without him than not live at all. This would also cost Rose her mum. If Rose had missed her after four months, how would she feel being separated from her for a lifetime?

The Doctor grabbed her by the shoulders, willing her to see sense, even though everything inside him was screaming for her to stay, to never leave him. "Once the breach collapses, that's it. You will _never_ be able to see her again. Your own mother!" He tried to make her understand.

Rose held his gaze, steady and unwavering. She had promised him forever, and that was a promise she intended to keep. She knew the cost but she had chosen him. "I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm _never_ gonna leave you."

The Doctor stared at her for several heartbeats. He could see such love, such devotion pouring from her eyes into his. She would choose to give up her family and face the possibility of death over living a life without him. This was his Rose.

The choice had been made. They would face this together.

The moment was now upon them as the Daleks and Cybermen advanced towards them.

The Doctor and Rose had made themselves ready. "Let's do it!" he called. With each standing at the levers on either side of the room, the Doctor and Rose simultaneously pushed the levers up, locking them in place and opening the breach. He and Rose then gripped the magna-clamps tightly as the sheer force of the Void began sucking the Cybermen and the Daleks towards its opening and pulling them into its endless depths. The wind howled and whipped around them like a cyclone as they struggled to maintain their grips.

One after another, the Daleks and Cybermen, now powerless, succumbed to the might of the Void.

Yet just when the Doctor and Rose began to think they had achieved this impossible victory, the lever near Rose was taken offline and the suction began to ease up.

The Doctor watched with his hearts in his throat as Rose strained to reach for the lever while holding onto the clamp, but it was out of her grasp. Releasing her hold on the clamp, she finally fell onto the lever and took hold. She groaned with the effort to push it back into position.

"_Online and locked."_

With the lever locked back in place, the force of the Void was once again at maximum.

Rose fought with all her might to hold on, but the sheer force of the Void's pull was overpowering.

"Rose, hold on!" the Doctor yelled. He watched, fear surging through him, as Rose was lifted from the ground, her body being pulled towards the breach as she struggled to keep her grip on the lever.

"HOLD ON!" he screamed in terror, futilely reaching towards her but grasping nothing but air.

The Doctor screamed her name, screamed for her to hold on as her fingers slipped, one by one from the lever. He looked on in absolute horror. There was nothing he could do. The last of her strength was consumed by the Void. With a final slip, her hands lost the fight and she was pulled through the air, hurtling towards the breach.

They both cried out, the Doctor continuing to scream her name as she fell. It was as if time slowed just to burn the horrendous image into his mind as she was sucked into the Void. The Doctor's nightmare had become a brutal reality. He was losing Rose and there was nothing he could do to save her. He watched in horror as the woman he loved was ripped away from him.

The only thing that kept him from giving up and letting go at that moment so that he, too, joined her same fate, was the thought that his own demise would be the last thing Rose witnessed. So he held on, screaming for Rose at the top of his lungs while everything within him was screaming at the universe.

Then in a sudden flash, Pete appeared and stood poised to catch her. He caught Rose in his arms just before she was lost forever to the Void. Before vanishing from sight, Rose turned her head to look back at the Doctor. Their eyes locked one final time. An instant later, she was gone.

She was gone.

The breach closed in upon itself and folded up with a loud hiss. Then nothing but haunting silence. The Doctor stared in shock at the emptiness, still breathing heavily, his eyes wide and his hearts feeling like they were pounding out of his chest.

Rose was gone.

He had lost her.

A universe away in an identical room, Rose stood at the wall which separated her from her Love. She beat her hands against the cruel barrier again and again as she cried out to be taken back, tears streaking down her face.

On the other side of the Void, the Doctor slowly approached the stark white wall which stood merciless and unmoving. He lifted his hand and placed it on the cold, hard surface.

Somehow, from the other side, Rose could sense his presence. The sobs shaking her body slowed as she leaned forward and pressed her face to the wall, reaching out to him with her soul.

On the other side, the Doctor mirrored her position as he moved his head forward and laid it against the wall. For just a fraction of time, he could feel her. The two merged and he could feel her cheek, soft and warm, pressed to his as her breath whispered across his skin, a distant echo of her presence rippling back to him. Then it faded to nothingness and vanished across the divide as his hand slowly slid from the wall.

For the Doctor, the tears could not come. He was numb and left feeling nothing but emptiness within. His hearts had been ripped from his chest the moment Rose was ripped from him and now there was nothing left.

He had known the day would eventually come when he would lose Rose. But why did it have to be _this_ day? Why did this have to come so soon?

Rose's words the night of their bonding came echoing back through his tortured mind.

"_Promise me something,"_ Rose had implored him. _"Promise me you're gonna be okay when I'm gone. I want you to be better for having been with me, not worse. I don't want this to break you. Go on living and...have a fantastic life."_

He had promised her he would try. Yet when he made her that promise, he thought they would have more time.

Time. It seemed that was the one element of the universe that took great delight in mocking him. He knew his time with Rose would be heartbreakingly short. But this was merciless.

Yet it was the promise he had given Rose that gave him the strength, in the midst of his anguish and inconceivable grief, to turn from the wall and walk away.

Each step, each movement of one foot in front of the other took every ounce of the diminished strength that was left in his body. He was shattered and once again alone. Yet he would go on living. He would do this for her. The promise would be kept.

"_I promise...that I will try. That I'll go on. With you, in my hearts, always." _

As the Doctor walked away, he carried Rose with him. No longer at his side, but forever in his soul.


	30. Chapter 30

**I once told myself if I ever wrote a story that included Doomsday this is how I would fix it. Is it a stretch? Definitely. Do I love it? Oh yes! ;D **

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><p>It had been two days since Rose had been ripped away from the life she had known, the universe that was her home, and the man she loved. Forty-eight hours since the day she'd died. Rose did not have an acute sense for the passage of time like the Doctor had, but she was painfully aware of each and every second that ticked by since she had been separated from him.<p>

It seemed for now Rose had reached the point where she didn't have any tears left to cry as she sat alone on a stone bench in the seclusion of the back garden of Pete Tyler's mansion. She was numb and empty. Rose still wore the same clothes she'd had on when she came here. It was almost as if they had become her protective shroud. She would slip on something to sleep in at night – those cold, empty nights where she would go to bed alone, sleep often eluding her. When she did fall asleep and dream, it was worse than not sleeping at all – not because she would dream the Doctor was gone, but because she would dream he wasn't, only to wake and find his smile, his voice, his touch had existed merely as a phantom within her mind. In the morning, Rose found herself putting these same clothes back on again. Maybe it was just an effect of her grief, but she was unable to wear anything else. The Doctor had been near, had been with her when she'd worn this, and in this way she was able to save that moment in time and keep it with her. It was the only physical remnant she had left of him.

Even though Rose had only come here with the clothes on her back she could certainly buy more. Pete could provide her with whatever she needed – except for the one thing she needed most. Jackie had tried to get her to go shopping, if for nothing else than to get her out and functioning, but Rose just couldn't do it. It was a simple thing, really. Yet even just shopping for clothes would feel as if she were trying to start a life here, and that was something Rose didn't think she could ever do. That wasn't something she ever _wanted_ to do.

This world, this entire universe just felt wrong. As if to further burn that thought into her mind, Rose lifted her eyes above the trees and saw the zeppelins crowding the sky. She couldn't escape it. It was like they were taunting her and refusing to let her forget for even one second that this was not _her_ universe. It seemed that just about everyone else naturally had a double that had existed in this world – Pete, her mum, Mickey, his gran. But Rose herself had never even existed here. She was never meant to be here.

It wasn't necessarily this universe itself that was fundamentally wrong. It wasn't just the zeppelins in the sky or having a President instead of a Prime Minister that told Rose this wasn't her home. It was the fact that this world was void of the Doctor. It wasn't the universe she was in that ever mattered; it was the man who occupied that universe with her. Wherever the Doctor was, _that_ was where she belonged. Home for her could never be a place where he was not.

Everyone else could build a life here and be happy. Her mum now had Pete – a different man, yes; but within his heart, within his soul, he was still the man she had loved. Mickey had his gran and now a valuable place within Torchwood. He had chosen this world. Rose had chosen the Doctor. A choice she apparently was not allowed to make, a life she wasn't allowed to have.

Rose had promised the Doctor she would stay with him forever – _her_ forever. She had truly believed nothing could ever separate them before their time. '_They keep on trying to split us up but they never ever will', _she had once proclaimed, almost in defiance of the cosmos.

The Doctor, however, had warned, _'Never say never ever.' _ He knew all too well the universe always seemed to have the final word. In this case, it appeared their love was to be cursed.

There wasn't a single second that passed where Rose's thoughts were not on the Doctor, thinking of what he was doing at that moment. She had once asked him to promise he would have a fantastic life without her. Rose didn't know at the time that was something she would have to try and do as well. She desperately hoped he could keep the promise he had made and would at least try to go on. The thought of the Doctor experiencing the same grief she was now living with only intensified the pain. But Rose would try to be strong for him because she knew he would try and do the same for her. As much as it tore her heart in two to think of him going on without her, she could not bear the thought of him not going on at all. Maybe telling herself that he would continue on would help her to one day do the same.

This was not that day, though. Today she couldn't think of going on. Rose could not think of going forward when all she wanted to do was go back. They say time heals all wounds. If only that were true. She feared time would simply carve this wound even deeper into her soul.

After spending much of the morning in solitude, Rose heard the sound of footsteps approaching where she now sat. It was her mum and Pete. They had been giving her some time to herself, some time to grieve. She just hoped they weren't going to resume their efforts to try and 'cheer her up' because that just wasn't possible. She loved them for it and appreciated the effort they and Mickey had been making to try and help, but right now there simply wasn't anything they could do to make this better.

The sound of stones crunching beneath their feet grew nearer as Jackie and Pete came down the pebbled path leading to the bench. Jackie came around and stood in front of Rose, placing a hand on her shoulder and drawing Rose out of her dismal reverie.

"Sweetheart, there's someone here to see you," Jackie said. Her voice didn't carry the usual subdued, sympathetic tone Rose had become accustomed to these past two days. No, this time her tone had the distinct sound of happiness. Something Rose had forgotten what it was like to feel. She wondered if she would ever again remember.

Rose's eyes lifted to hers, eyes once vibrant now hollow and lifeless. "Mum, I really don't feel like seeing anyone right now," she said quietly, putting effort simply into being able to speak without her voice breaking.

Just then, Mickey also made his way through the back garden and over to Rose. Jackie stepped back next to Pete as Mickey crouched down in front of Rose and placed a hand over hers where they lay folded in her lap. Rose took a long, shuddering breath as she met his eyes. "Is this where you're gonna tell me I can't spend the rest of my life thinking about the Doctor?" she questioned, her voice cracking with pain. "Because as much as I appreciate how everyone is trying to help, that really isn't gonna help me right now."

Mickey gave a half smile as he glanced behind Rose, then shifted his gaze back to her. "Actually, I was going to say that you really don't belong here, and I think it's about time you went home."

Tears once again began to fill her eyes and spill down her cheeks. "That's not funny," she whispered, and turned her head to look away.

"He's not being funny, Rose. He's telling you the truth." At once, she turned her head around in the direction of the familiar voice. The impossibly familiar voice. The voice that simply could not belong to the man she thought. Yet it did. There he stood, his tall frame cloaked in a long gray coat, his piercing blue eyes sparkling back at her.

Turning fully, Rose slowly stood and simply stared at him in stunned silence. Her feet finally caught up with her head and she ran towards him and threw her arms around his neck.

"Jack!" she breathed into his shoulder.

He let out a laugh as his strong arms came up to return her tight embrace. "If this is the kind of welcome I get, I think I should visit more often," he said, giving Rose a wide smile and a wink as he pulled back to look down at her.

His face softened. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" A shadow crossed Rose's features as those tears once more began to pool in her eyes and she glanced down. "No, don't answer that. I know how you're doing. That was a stupid question." He tilted her chin back up and placed his hand on the side of her face. "I'm sorry, Rose."

Rose just nodded and buried her face once again in his shoulder. After several minutes, she finally eased back, so many questions now filling her mind. "How did you even get here?" she asked in bewilderment as she looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes.

He glanced over at Pete and Mickey and nodded towards them. "They aren't the only ones with impressive, trans-dimensional technology, you know. I've been known to have a few tricks of my own up my sleeve now and then." He regarded Rose seriously once more as he spoke the words she didn't think it was possible for her to ever hear. "Rose, I've come to take you home."

Rose didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she settled for both. But suddenly her mind was swimming with more questions than she could find answers to. Despair once again began to settle in her heart. "But we're trapped here," Rose said with a slight shake of her head. "Even with technology to pass between worlds, it's not gonna work anymore because the walls have closed." Rose knew this all too well. She had stood on the wrong side of a very tangible and unmoving wall that refused to yield and allow passage, a stark monument representing the now-closed walls between worlds.

Jack's eyes twinkled as he lifted his arm and tapped a finger to the Vortex Manipulator strapped to his wrist. "Well, it's a good thing I've got this, then." He went on to explain. "I crossed over before the walls were closed, when the breach was still active. There seemed to be quite a few doing that at the time, actually," he chuckled. "Fortunately everyone was a little preoccupied and I slipped through more or less unnoticed. Then I set out to find you." His confidence wavered as a slightly sheepish look crossed his face. "But I, ah, miss-calculated by just a little when I got here and ended up jumping ahead two days."

Mickey let out a snort of laughter. Jack looked over at him. "Oi, Mickey Mouse, it's not like the Doctor was always perfect with his calculations, either," he defended, then looked back at Rose. "I'm sorry it took me a little while, but the important thing is I'm here now and I can take you back. I can transport you back to _before_ the walls had closed and we can cross back through again to the other universe. It's simple, really. But also quite ingenious, if I say so myself."

Rose just stood there in astonishment as the reality of what he was saying began to sink in. They could actually do this. "You once gave my life back to me, Rose," Jack continued, "and maybe someday we'll have a longer chat about that; but right now, I think it's time I returned the favor and gave you back the life you were forced to leave behind."

"I can go back," Rose breathed, her voice a whisper as tears once again filled her eyes, but this time they were tears of joy.

Jack hugged her to him once more. "Yes, you can."

Mickey spoke up. "Hold on, though. Doesn't this mean you'll be...?"

"Crossing past timelines and breaking a few laws in the process?" Jack supplied. An irreverently cheeky grin crossed his face. "Shameful, isn't it? And I know a certain stickler-for-the-rules Time Lord who would no doubt frown upon such things under ordinary circumstances." He winked at Rose and leaned in conspiratorially. "Good thing for the two of you I'm not always one for strictly following the rules, eh?"

His expression sobered. "I realize this will change...certain things, and I'm mucking with the timelines somewhat considerably by doing this. But I also happen to know everything will work out just fine if I do. Better than fine, actually. You might even say...fantastic."

Rose's smile grew wider. Jack smiled in return as she spoke. "I...I just can't believe it." Rose let out a breathless laugh as she shook her head. "I thought this was impossible."

"Yeah, well," he said with a casual air of confidence, "what can I say? I'm an impossible thing." He then paused and drew a long breath. "I've been around for a _very_ long time, Rose, and I've seen a lot of things in this universe. There have been many lives I couldn't save and things I couldn't change. But this is one thing I _can_ do something about. There is one thing I'm certain of – one thing that is a universal constant: you and the Doctor were meant to be together."

Rose looked into his eyes, eyes that had seen the passage of time and experienced so much more than he was able to say as he continued to speak with wise conviction. "Some people deserve to get their reward. And just this once, I think it's time the Doctor had something given back to him for a change."

Rose was at a complete loss for words, so she simply hugged him tightly once more.

She was going home.

-:-

In no time at all, Rose found herself once again back at Torchwood. She stood with Mickey and Jake as Captain Jack took information on where their exact locations had been during the battle to avoid crossing back over their paths. He began formulating a plan for getting Rose through and back into the TARDIS with military precision. Jackie was standing nearby as Pete approached her.

"You're going back too, aren't you?" he asked, resignation in his voice. It wasn't really a question. He knew Jackie wouldn't stay behind without her daughter.

Jackie looked over at Rose, then back to him. "I've got to, Pete. I can't just leave her."

"But Rose has her own life now," he reasoned.

"My life is there too though, Pete. How could I just stay here? You said it yourself. I'm not your wife," she said, with quiet sadness in her voice.

Pete swallowed hard. "No, you're not," he agreed. Jackie nodded and glanced away. "But maybe...maybe you cou..."

Jackie's head snapped back around as she met his eyes. "Maybe I what?" she asked softly.

"Oh, Jacks," he breathed out, as he cupped the side of her face with his hand. "I know we haven't had that much time to talk these past two days while you were trying to give support to Rose, and rightly so. But there are so many things I need to say." He took a long breath as he then spoke the words he'd been preparing for the past few hours. "Jackie, I have everything in this world I could ever want except for the one thing I truly _need_. And that is _you_. I lost you once, Jackie. And I am _not_ letting you slip through my fingers now," he said resolutely. "I know we're different people, Jacks. I'm not the Pete who was once your husband and you are not the Jackie who was my wife." He searched her eyes intently as he raised his other hand, cradling her face with both. "But _inside_, deep inside in those places that matter most, we're the same two people. The same two people who were never perfect but who love each other and were meant to be together."

Jackie bit her lip to keep it from quivering as she looked into his eyes, then whispered. "Pete, what are you sayin'?"

Pete slowly smiled. "Did you really mean it when you said you didn't care about whether or not I was rich?"

Jackie paused. "Yeah. Yeah, I did," she answered truthfully.

"Good," he replied. "Because I can transport myself over. But houses, cars, bank accounts – it doesn't exactly work for that sort of thing."

Jackie swallowed down the lump that was rising up in her throat in order to speak. "You mean you would give up everything you have here just to be with me?"

He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. "I've had to learn that without you, none of this matters to me. None of this is what's important."

"But what about everything you've built here...everything you've done?"

He glanced over at Mickey and Jake who were still talking with Rose and Jack. "I know I'll be leaving Torchwood in good hands." He looked back at Jackie. "And besides, this could also be a new business venture for me. I think your world could use a Vitex Corporation, what'd you say? Things might be tight for us at first – just like the early days. But I'm a good businessman, Jackie, and I know how to succeed. It won't be long before I can give you the kind of life you deserve. That is...if you'll have me."

"Oh, shut up and kiss me, you daft man!" Jackie exclaimed as she pulled him towards her. Pete was more than happy to comply.

From nearby, Rose looked on as a smile blossomed on her face, joy suffusing through her. Not only was she getting back the man she loved, but so had her mum.

-:-

It was decided they would travel back to the other universe one hour before Rose and Jackie had left it last. The breach was still active, and at that point the TARDIS was empty. The plan was to make it to the TARDIS where they would be safe inside once the breach was opened. As Jack said, it was going to be risky. Great care would have to be taken to keep from crossing paths with their other selves and avoid creating a paradox. They were also going to be arriving in the middle of a battle. But this point in time was their best chance for making it to the TARDIS where they would then wait out the storm.

The plan was in place, and Rose, Jackie and Pete stood with Jack ready to leave.

"You could always come, too," Rose said to Mickey, feeling a wave of sadness at having to say goodbye to him once again.

Mickey smiled fondly. "I've got a life here now, Rose. And I can't just leave my gran."

Rose nodded. "Besides," he continued. "This might not really be goodbye. We thought it was the last time, but here we are_...again_. The Doctor keeps saying travel between parallel worlds is impossible, but who says he knows everything, eh? We seem to keep managing the impossible."

Rose smiled as she moved forward and gave him a hug. "Thank you, Mickey. I never said it enough before when I should have, but thank you for everything. And as someone very close to me once said, have a fantastic life."

He released her and stepped back, his hands still on her shoulders. "You too, babe. Now, go on. It's time for you to find that Doctor of yours. And if he ever tries to send you away again, tell that idiot...," he smirked and seemed to take pleasure in giving the Doctor that particular title, "forget Captain Cheesecake here, I'll come after him _myself_ if he ever does that again."

Rose grinned. "I'll tell him."

Pete looked between Mickey and Jake. "I've put provisions in place to see to it that Torchwood will have all the funds it needs for the foreseeable future, and also that your gran will continue to be taken care of, Mickey." He paused a moment and gave them both a pat on the shoulder. "I'm leaving Torchwood in your hands, and I know you'll both make me proud."

Rather than a non-masculine display of over affection, the two men simply nodded to him with deep respect.

Rose, Jackie and Pete then clasped hands with Captain Jack as he prepared to activate the Vortex Manipulator. "I won't lie," Jack said, "this is dangerous. Not just because of crossing timelines, but because we'll be returning in the midst of a battle. We may have a fight on our hands if I'm going to get you into the TARDIS where you'll be safe." He then looked at Rose and gave her a wide smile, dimples forming on his cheeks. "But you are _still_ worth fighting for."

Rose knew the risks, but nothing would stop her from returning. She had made her choice. She would make it back to the Doctor or die trying; but either way, Rose was going home.


	31. Chapter 31

**I can't even begin to say thank you enough to each and every one who has let me know they've enjoyed this, and by doing so given me so much encouragement along the way. The response this story has received has been humbling. Thank you!**

**With this complete it's time to start working on the sequel! Look for "Blessings and Curses" sometime in the near future. ;)**

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><p>The Doctor walked aimlessly through Torchwood Tower, passing dead bodies and fragments of Cybermen as he made his way through the carnage. The war had been won, but the cost had been great. The Doctor couldn't even begin to come to terms with what he would do from here. How could he just simply carry on? Living on alone through pain and loss had become an all-too familiar part of his existence; but he had not felt this level of emptiness and despair since the Time War had taken everything from him. The vibrancy and joy he had begun to experience once again in his life was now gone. He felt as if his soul had been wrenched from his body. He was so tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of losing everyone who ever mattered to him as he watched everything around him turn to dust.<p>

So many people had died this day, and now Rose was missing. Her name would undoubtedly be added to the list of the dead. But the Doctor just couldn't think about that right now as he made his lonely journey back to the TARDIS. And what would he do once he reached it? He didn't know if he could bear the emptiness of being in his ship alone. Rose had brought such vitality, such life and joy. Now, just like his hearts, the TARDIS would be empty. But he had to return. There was one last thing he needed to do. He had to search for a way to reach Rose. Not that he could make it through to the other universe now that the breach was sealed – he knew that was impossible. Two universes would collapse if he even tried. But maybe there was still an opening, even just a tiny little gap so that he could get a message to her, calling across the Void through their link. This would be his last chance to say it, so he had to find a way to tell Rose that he loved her one last time.

The Doctor reached the TARDIS as his heavy steps slowed to a stop. He stood and just stared for a moment, his hands buried deep in his pockets and clenched tightly, unconsciously seeking to enfold Rose's hand around his, hands which were now empty. The last time he had been in the TARDIS Rose was at his side. He had swept her into his arms and carried her joyously through the door in what for him had been earlier this same day before he had taken her to see Jackie. Perhaps in time it would get easier, he thought to himself, to walk through those doors alone. Maybe in time the pain would lessen as he grew a little more dead inside. But not today. Not for a very long time.

With the heaviness of grief weighing down his every step, the Doctor walked up to the TARDIS, unlocked the door, and closed it shut behind him. He was making his way up the ramp when something caught his vision out of the corner of his eye. Rose's shirt lay tossed over the side railing. It was the same lavender top she had worn on their trip to New Earth when their adventures were just beginning again and so many possibilities lay before them. It was the same one she had worn earlier that day, and had been tossed aside in a moment of passion as he made love to her in this very room. That seemed like a lifetime ago now. It was still lying where it had fallen, yet another burning reminder of what he had lost.

The Doctor's steps led him towards it and he picked it up. With trembling hands, he lifted it to his face. He had not allowed himself to break down since Rose had been ripped away from him. There simply wasn't enough life left within him to do so. But as he held the fabric in his hands, Rose's lingering scent surrounding him, the tears began to flow freely and steadily. The silent tears turned into sobs as he clutched the fabric to his chest and wept for what he had lost.

_She's gone. I lost her. _The agonized thought repeated again and again in his mind.

The Doctor did not hear the footsteps approaching from down the corridor. For once in his very long life he was about to be given something back.

-:-

Rose had been waiting with barely contained desperation for the Doctor's return. It had been a dangerously close call making it to the TARDIS in the midst of the fighting.

'_Stay behind me!' _Jack had yelled, as Rose replayed the scene in her mind. '_I make a _great _human shield, trust me!' _he had called back to them as he led the way to the TARDIS, massive gun blazing.

They had succeeded. After effectively completing his mission, Jack had left once again as mysteriously as he had come. Rose wondered how far ahead in the future he had come from and how much about their lives he already knew – how much he knew would now change. She didn't miss the pained look in his eyes when Jack spoke of the Doctor deserving to get his reward, and she wondered just how different the Doctor's life might have been if they hadn't been given this second chance. Where would their separate, lonely paths have taken them? Would the Doctor have allowed himself friendship? Would he have allowed himself to travel with someone else, and how would that, too, have eventually ended? Rose realized these were things she would probably never know, but that was okay. She could live with a little mystery in life if it meant she and the Doctor could be given this incredible gift.

After the fighting ceased and the breach had been sealed, Jackie and Pete had cautiously left the TARDIS to return together to Jackie's flat. They knew the Doctor and Rose would most certainly appreciate some time alone once the two were reunited. And they themselves were anxious for some 'alone time' as well.

Rose had realized her face was a mess from shedding so many tears earlier and she could definitely use a change of clothes. She didn't want the Doctor to see her in such a state, so she went to her room to clean up and make herself presentable for him. Rose had just finished when she heard the familiar sound of the door opening in the console room. It had to be the Doctor. She hurried as quickly as she could to get to him.

Rose came to a dead stop as she reached the console room. Her heart instantly shattered in her chest as she saw the Doctor in his state of grief. She knew exactly what he was feeling because she had experienced the same thing.

"Doctor?" Rose spoke softly, her voice slightly trembling.

Surely his tortured mind was deceiving him. That could not have been Rose's voice he heard. Yet it was accompanied by quiet footsteps which drew closer. The Doctor lifted his head and turned to see Rose standing on the other side of the console.

The Doctor had stood witness to extraordinary things in the universe, too numerous to name. But nothing in all of his exceedingly long life could have compared to this very moment in time. His reddened yet wide eyes locked with hers, his mouth formed her name but the single word came out as a whisper. Then, drawn to each other like an unstoppable, overpowering force, they ran towards each other and met halfway in a crushing embrace – as if their two bodies were trying to meld together and become one as they held on so tightly it was a marvel either one could breathe, each scrabbling to hold tighter even still.

"Oh, _Rose_," he whispered finally, his voice thick as he repeated her precious name. "Rose, Rose, Rose." His hands came up her back, across her shoulders, mapping every inch and finally tangling in her hair as he convinced himself this was real and not a cruel illusion.

"I'm _here_," Rose repeated back to him as she clutched at his back, fisting his jacket in her hands. Her voice was breaking yet her words were strong and true. "I'm here and I'm not leaving you. I _swear_."

He couldn't even ask how this was possible because he would have to separate from her long enough to do so, and right now that just wasn't even an option.

The Doctor buried his face in the side of her neck as hot tears moistened her skin. Each breath he drew was ragged as her hands caressed up and down his back, every stroke offering comfort and reassurance of the reality of her presence. Tears of anguish became tears of joy as they held each other for what seemed like an eternity. The tears finally subsided and gave way to passion as their lips met, reveling in the joy of their miraculous reunion.

The Doctor's mind couldn't even question _how_ she was here. All that mattered in this moment was that _she was here!_

With Rose's face cradled in his hands and his mouth pressed to hers, his tongue pushed past her lips which parted in welcome. Tongues met, stroked, tasted, and savored each other as if this was their first kiss and they had an eternity to spend right in this moment. The words that were unable and too precious to be said were spoken in this shared language with every brush of lips and stroke of tongues.

Finally, Rose slowly withdrew, but only enough to look into his eyes. The eyes that had become her sanctuary. The eyes Rose had thought she would never again see. Yet she found herself looking at him from across a great chasm. What he was thinking, what he was feeling, was suddenly locked behind a wall. A wall they had both fought too hard to tear down to allow him to rebuild it now.

"Hey." Her voice was gentle yet firm as Rose drew his distant eyes to hers and held them. "Don't shut me out. Not now. _Especially_ not now."

Wave upon wave of raw, painful emotion swept across his face as the Doctor let himself put a broken voice to what he was feeling inside. "I wanted to die." His words were strained, his voice losing steadiness. He didn't look away. He let her see the anguish within him.

_So did I._ The words echoed through Rose's mind and passed from her eyes to his.

"I wanted to let go of that lever and follow you into the Void." His eyes shone with gathering tears. "Because if I lost you, if I lost everything – _again_..." The Doctor shook his head and sucked in a breath. "Then what did it matter? What, in all the universe, even mattered anymore?"

Rose swallowed down hard and drew a steadying breath. "But you didn't. You held on." She paused. "I–" Rose let her eyes fall shut as she briefly hesitated. But this was not the time to hold back from him, so she continued. "When you were a little while in coming back to the TARDIS, I thought...I thought that maybe you weren't coming back. That maybe you had given up." A proud smile blossomed on Rose's face. "But you didn't. You came back. You kept your promise and you were moving on."

He was able to go on without her. Rose felt immensely proud of him, mingled with a little pain. Was it okay to feel just a little bit of both right now?

Now she knew one day he could.

Now she knew one day he would.

But not today. Today they were together, not apart; and right here, right now, that was all that mattered as he once again caught her lips in a desperate kiss.

-:-

Neither one was even sure how much time had passed, but finally, the Doctor's mouth separated from hers long enough to ask how this was even possible. Rose then explained the entire, extraordinary story.

"Do you realize," he said sternly, once Rose had finished giving him all of the details, "that you have broken numerous Laws of Time by doing what you did? It was extremely dangerous, and _Captain_ _Jack_ should have known better." The Doctor's voice then softened as an all-consuming smile spread from one side of his face to the other. "And do you realize that right now I couldn't possibly care less?"

He embraced her tightly once more, then Rose pulled back slightly to look into his face. "Speaking of breaking the rules..." Rose said with sternness in her voice that mimicked his earlier tone, "I thought we were in this together. I guess I'm just supposed to forget about the fact that you sent me away, _yet again_, and put it down to a moment of Temporary Time Lord Insanity, yeah?"

Rose's angry tone was not completely in jest. She wasn't surprised that he had done it; but that didn't mean she was okay with it, either.

The Doctor gave her his best, wide-eyed expression that pleaded apology. "Oh, absolutely," he said solemnly, as he ducked his head and captured her lips in a lingering, breathtaking kiss. He pulled back and looked into her half-lidded eyes. "I must have been completely...," he punctuated the low, husky words with a kiss to her jaw, "stark raving...," he ran his tongue along the shell of her ear, making her tremble, "mad." He finished the sentence with a trail of deliciously hot, wet kisses down her neck as Rose's head fell back and a moan escaped her lips.

The issue wasn't behind them, and Rose wasn't letting him off the hook quite that easily. But she decided the conversation could wait until _much_ later. But just as his seeking lips reached the top swell of her breast through the temporary garment she was wearing, the Doctor suddenly pulled back as if he'd had a bucket of cold water thrown on him.

His eyes darted around the room, a look of alarm on his face. "Where are Jackie and Pete now?" the Doctor asked, suddenly remembering that Rose said they had returned as well, and was now feeling unsettled at the thought of Rose's mum on the loose somewhere in his ship.

"They went back to Mum's flat. I think they needed some time alone to get...re-acquainted." Rose said with a cough as she flushed a slight shade of red.

He quirked a teasing brow at her and tilted his head. "Are you...blushing?"

"Can't help it," she replied quickly, coyly avoiding his gaze.

The Doctor grinned devilishly. "Rose Tyler, after all the things I've been doing lately with you," he dropped his voice a tone lower as his fingers danced up her arms and came around to rest on her back, "and _to_ you, and you still blush at the thought of..."

"Well maybe that's why," Rose cut him off with an embarrassed chuckle. "I have some very_...vivid_ images in my head now, and that's not exactly the sort of thing you want to imagine your mum and, well, _dad_ getting up to."

The Doctor slowly slid his hands down her back, to her bum, where he lingered for a few tantalizing seconds, then back up. "In that case, I think I need to do something to take your mind off what _they_ might be doing," he husked into her ear, making her shiver.

Rose reached up to thread her fingers through his hair. "Just what did you have in mind?" she purred, her lips now millimeters from his.

"A trip!" he exclaimed brightly, as he then released her and bound over to the console at break-neck speed.

Rose held back a sigh of disappointment. This was her Doctor. He could be flirtatious and seductive one minute, then a hyper adolescent the next. His sudden shifts in mood were enough to sometimes leave her dizzy. His Time Lord barriers of arousal were probably up and his mind wasn't even headed in the same direction as hers, Rose thought with disappointment. The fact that he could control his arousal could be _highly_ frustrating at times.

Rose smiled in spite of herself. She was off on another adventure with the Doctor, and she could _never_ be disappointed in that. Especially considering how close they had come to losing all of this.

"So where are we going, then?" Rose asked with a genuine smile as she walked towards him at the console.

The Doctor looked up from the controls to meet her gaze, his deep brown eyes dazzling. "Further than we've ever gone before," he promised, with excitement edging his voice.

Rose grinned and stood eagerly awaiting their destination. Yet all was calm and quiet. The Time Rotor was not grinding furiously and there was no shudder and jolt that usually accompanied their landings. Rose furrowed her brow. "We're just...floating," she noted, puzzled.

"Good observation," he replied with a smirk which said he was up to something.

"But I thought you said you were taking me 'further than we've ever gone before'," she repeated his oh-so-impressive words.

"Oh, believe me, I _am_." The Doctor stepped away from the console and stalked towards her, slowly and deliberately, not stopping until they were mere inches apart. "But I wasn't talking about leaving the TARDIS. It occurs to me that there is a room on this ship which you have never seen before." The Doctor drifted the tips of his fingers down her arms until he met her hands, twined his fingers through hers, and gave a little tug, pulling her into his chest. "I think it's time I gave you a _personal_ tour."

Rose's heart began to quicken in that certain way only he could cause it to. She was in no way going to argue with his suggestion. She slid her hands free from his, then up his chest. Higher still, where she fiddled with the knot in his tie, tugging it loose. Rose leaned up on her toes, bringing her face closer to his. "Your barriers are down, aren't they?" she spoke across his lips.

"Falling rather quickly, yes," he replied, sounding slightly breathless. _Oh_, how she loved that sound.

Rose rolled her hips into his and smiled wickedly as he let out a low, deep groan. She tossed his tie over her shoulder. "Let's see what we can do about getting them the rest of the way down, shall we?"

He didn't need to be told twice. Rose soon found herself within a sacred room deep in the TARDIS she once thought she would never have the privilege to see. The Doctor's bedroom was now hers as well, and it would be for a very long time.

True to his word, they didn't have to leave the ship for this particular destination the Doctor had in mind. Yet without even setting a foot outside the TARDIS, it wasn't long before Rose Tyler was seeing stars.

_**End**_


End file.
